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Feelings: Rage

Updated on December 19, 2011

As of late I've found myself flying off the handle quite a bit and it's kind of upsetting. I know, I know, losing my temper over losing my temper. It's crazy but I don't normally get my boxers in a bunch over anything. It's become so frequent that I decided I want to try and describe what it's like. The best way I know how is through a poem. It's very serious, if you don't take it seriously I'll get mad at you! (complete and utter sarcasm by the way)

I just lose it.
I get this pressure in my head that censors rational thought... for the merest thousandth of a second it happens but in that minute amount of time I've made a grave mistake.
To err is human?
That's a pitiable justification to console the masses.
I cannot forgive that.

I feel it in the back of my eyes... it pulses in my skull.
It happens within fractions of this existence but I catch it,
I recognize it.
It's black, or rather, there isn't any color... my eyes just go dark.
It swells like a tempest upon the rocks, a broken body and shattered hope-
an uncaring, unfeeling, unafraid of consequential entity.

It's becoming more and more frequent. I'm sane... it tells me.
It's impatient. It's unforgiving. It's taking over.
The boundaries are becoming blurred and the edges are disappearing.
It won't be long until the point of no return has been crossed and I can finally rest knowing I am utterly and absolutely furious. Hell has nothing on me.

I'll just smile and hope it goes away.
I'm tired of expressing... it's lost on you.

Comments

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  • Ardie profile image

    Sondra 6 years ago from Neverland

    I agree with Jenubouka, this could be physical or it could also be a result of extreme stress. Either way you may find yourself falling into the habit of flying off the handle...and once it becomes a habit it will become more and more frequent. I hope something settles for you soon.

    For the record I love the line "I know, I know, losing my temper over losing my temper."

  • Jacob Harding profile image

    Jacob Harding 6 years ago from Omaha, Nebraska

    I have had some similar feelings of just downright rage, with nothing really to be mad about. I deal with it like many others through intense physical activity because I despise prescribed medication. I feel that my own issues come from my lack of practicing and meditating lately as I haven't made time for my studies and yoga. I would reference one of your previous hubs about martial arts and Tai Chi. These practices are more for calming and realizing the mind than physical training or self defense. They are great for calming and finding the skylike nature of mind.

  • CodeMaster profile image
    Author

    CodeMaster 6 years ago from Alaska, Anchorage

    You're right! I've been stagnant for awhile so maybe I am feeling anxious because I haven't performed. Man, I really like this place. So many supportive people that really have mostly good and helpful things to say. Thanks Jenubouka.

  • profile image

    jenubouka 6 years ago

    I think that the best therapy is exactly what you are doing, writing and since you are a musician get that rage out on the stage.

    Outlets that ease anger are best with little mind alteration, in my opinion, unless you are feeling out of control or violent. Then again when I do, I just go for a run, work my body to exhaustion.

    At any rate the poem is raw of emotions that was brave to expose. Keep writing keep rocking codemaster.

  • CodeMaster profile image
    Author

    CodeMaster 6 years ago from Alaska, Anchorage

    Yeah I'm not one for medication. It's common knowledge that chemical imbalances aren't medically proven so I'll go with diet and sleep for now. My Grandfather did just have a stroke... I don't know him as well as I'd like but maybe that's what's causing the stress... You're comment was both refreshing and hopeful! Maybe I do need a physical outlet. I've been feeling that I need something new in my life and boxing sounds rigorous and exciting. Thanks so much, I'm actually going to look into that!

  • Moms-Secret profile image

    Lissette 6 years ago from Central Florida

    Sudden rage can be due to hormonal or chemical imbalances. If you are not usually like this a doctor visit can be useful to you. What they will do is put you on a medication that will regulate your hormones or chemicals.

    It is no fun to take pills for anything, I know. Hearing that you may need a pill may not be the greatest thing to hear when you are upset either. I just wanted to let you know that there may be a biological reason for ROSEMARY's comment.

    I would look into what you are doing differently right now. It could just be something you are lacking in nutrition, a new emotional stress, or not enough sleep. Those things are easy to fix. Either way, I wish you luck. To feel anger is normal. Find an outlet. Writing is good, but boxing is better. :)

    Many Blessings

  • CodeMaster profile image
    Author

    CodeMaster 6 years ago from Alaska, Anchorage

    And have them do what?

  • profile image

    Rosemary Banks 6 years ago

    It sounds like you may need to see a doctor.

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