First Heart Break

We were outside of her house under the moonlight. As the time approached midnight, we sat there on top of my car’s hood comforted by each other’s body warmth to combat the cold winter night’s breezes. The endless conversation and affection brought a smile to my face that I thought would be permanent no matter where I was, as long as I had her.

She slowly crept up her hand up to my cheek. attempting to lead into a kiss. I grabbed her hand and brought down into my grasp. I looked at her straight in the eyes. I knew this was probably one of the best chances I would get to say this.

“I love you.”

It was as if those were the three magic words to get into any girl’s heart. She immediately hugged me as tight as she possibly could. With one hand behind her back and the other behind her head, I slowly brought one hand down to the back of her neck, leaned back a little bit, and went in for the kiss of a lifetime.

I experienced an emotion that I had never felt before. A part of my wanted to jump as high as i could and yell as loud as I could right there to let go of my excitement. Another part of me wanted to be like this forever with her in my arms.

But what I thought was the most romantic moment of my life soon proved to be one of the biggest disappointments in my life.

A week later after she arrived back from her vacation in Rocky Point, it was as if nothing had happened between us and the emotional experience from the week before had meant nothing. What used to be constant text messaging became unanswered text messages. What used to be hours on the phone became ignored calls. At one point every single one of my calls went straight to her voicemail. Winter break was about to end soon and I was about to face one of the most difficult situations in my life thus far.

As I walked past her car in the parking lot I could just feel all the love I had for her come back into my heart. I did not know how today was going to go down, but I did know that there had to be a reason for all this avoiding. The first day back presented many challenges. For one, there was incessant gossip about what happened between me, an average guy, and who most people perceived to be the most beautiful girl in the school. Great, so now everyone in the school knew.

Vector Calculus probably brought about the most awkward situation I have ever been in. According to the new seating chart I was positioned to be sitting right behind her for the whole class. After an awkward fifty minutes of purposefully avoiding eye contact every time she turned around, I finally got the chance to talk to her.

Outside of school, in a place that I will never forget, we stood, unable to say anything. She attempted to go in for a hug, but I pushed her back, refusing until she gave me an explanation for avoiding me these past couple weeks. I was in for the biggest twists of my life.

“I don’t feel the same way about you that you do about me. Sorry.”

That “sorry” still rings in my head to this day, reminding me of my biggest failure. It was the day I experienced my first heart-break. January 12th, 2015. A date which will remain with me for the rest of my life.

However, this was the most influential lesson of my life that I can remember. Do not go head over heels for anything unless you know for sure that failure is impossible. This experience helped me become less attached to everything and I think that was for the better since now I am not disappointed as easily. Especially when I have so many opportunities still waiting for me in life, I am glad to know that missing one or failing to meet requirements for one will not leave me broken down and I will be ready to move on to the next opportunity.

But in regards to my love life, I guess Oscar Wilde captured my situation perfectly when he said, “The heart was made to be broken.”