- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
First World Problems That Can Ruin Your Day
Life is Hard!
First World living is tough stuff! I mean, you have to choose between eating lunch at the ridiculously long hybrid fast food joint, and making it back to your office meeting in time. Seriously, we've all gone hungry a few times because of the lunch queue.
No, but really—we all live in the fear that our kids will be playing games on our work tablet and accidently send out PG-13 date night pics to our boss, CC our entire company. Who knew an innocent game of Angry Birds could get you fired?
Have you ever spent four hours in LA traffic and you still can see the Matterhorn in your rearview mirror? Have you ever panicked at a movie theatre and started looking for your lost phone with the flashlight app? Have you ever been completely stranded somewhere because you lost your phone and you don't know your own husband's phone number by heart? Have you ever realized that if you returned your big screen TV to Costco that, for once in your entire life, your assets would outweigh your debts?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you have experienced First World problems. Take Heart! You are not alone. Almost a billion people experience exactly what you are going through every day.
Sadly, I've experienced numbers #1, 3, 4, and 7. Number 12 almost happened, and #5 happened to someone I know. Remember, you are not alone.
1. You forget to say the word "iced" before "I'll have a venti double shot, non-fat caramel macchiato, half-caff, double pump of vanilla, with extra caramel and whipped cream." Now it's 90 degrees out and you don't get to suck the delicious ribbons of caramel from between the ice cubes.
2. You're ecstatic that you are scanning the juice box labels at the grocery store and discover that grape juice if gluten free. You think to yourself, "Yes, there is something I can have!" The same thing happens on the water aisle.
3. It's Thanksgiving dinner and, once again, you forgot to wear your stretchy pants and bring an energy drink to snap you out of turkey coma.
4. You scroll down an email your aunt sent you of her cat dressed up in a Christmas sweater— looking for the "like" button—but forget that Facebook messenger and Gmail are two different applications. Seriously, why don't emails have like buttons?
5.That moment you realize that the smiley face emoticon you meant to send to your grandma was a miss hit and you ended up sending her several lines of poop.
6. After apologizing profusely to all of your friends and family, you vow to never again leave your computer signed into Facebook when your college roommate is alone in your dorm room.
7. The time your professor is the first one to confront you about a male supplements email that was sent to him from your account. Your first thought, is "Oh, no! I'm so sorry. I don't think you need any help in that department." Your next thought it, "Shoot! That means my dad, my boss, and my pastor got the same email. Yikes!"
8. You figure that answering your phone while on the pot isn't the world's biggest crime—come on everybody's done it—only to discover that it was a Facetime request and not a phone call. You're shocked to see a face pop up on your entire screen, with yours in the corner. Except, it's not just your face.
9. You're freaking out because your calculus homework is due tomorrow and your parents took away your cell phone. You have to hitchhike to the Apple store so SIRI can finish computing your problems.
10. The time you had to explain to the nice police officer that the accident wasn't your fault because your car was built with anti-crash maneuvering. The next thing that came out of your mouth was, "But, Officer, my car drove itself into the light pole."
11. The moment you realize that you spent more on your Art History Master's Degree than you'll make during your whole career as a museum docent.
12. You're babysitting the kids in the mansion up the street, your playing hide-and-go-seek, and the house is so big that when the parents get home from date night you have to confess that you haven't found them yet.
13. You always get strip searched at the airport for having metal screws in your ankles, a rod in your femur, and two hip replacements.
14. It's at the moment you're rounding a 90 degree turn that you're reminded of your excellent insurance policy. If you happen to slide into the center divide you actually get the same model, but one year newer. Uhm...free upgrade.
15. You stop by the mall on the way to your brother's wedding because you realize that the dress you're wearing is the same one you wore to your cousin's wedding. You have 18 cousins and all of them will know that you're wearing a repeat. Hashtag never wear the same dress twice.