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Five Reasons Why Men Should Not Wear Panties
Large or Tiny, No Man Should Wear Lingerie
It has been brought to my attention that some men have been lead astray by the liberal atheist homosexual agenda and wear women's lingerie. This is a danger to society at large and must be stopped forthwith. Fortunately I have come upon this den of iniquity and am in a position to educate not just men who wear women's lingerie, but the world at large on the perils of undergarment cross dressing.
This is a public service announcement intended to educate all men who wear women's lingerie or who have thought of wearing women's lingerie.
WHY MEN MUST NOT WEAR THE LINGERIE OF THE FAIRER SEX
- Women's panties are often made of silky smooth soft materials. Exposure of the male manhood to such materials may cause shrinkage.
- Women's lingerie is intended purely for women, and may induce menstruation in men who wear it.
- Donning a pair of panties can actually affect the male on a genetic level. Over time his Y chromosome may elongate, turning him into a woman on a genetic level.
- Perhaps unsurprisingly given the evidence in the previous statement, men who wear panties often become raving homosexuals. No matter what a man's orientation prior to sampling the sweet delights of panties, a few minutes exposure can lead to fantasies about football teams, group showers and incarceration in penal institutions.
That's bad, right? But wait, there's more!
- Panties are not cut for a male figure. Wearing panties may lead to undue testicular stress which can lead to a whole host of diseases, not the least of which include Ebola.
- Wearing panties may cause a man to renounce his position in society. He may no longer open doors, put out fires, put up shelves or lift heavy things.
In spite of these dire warnings I have no doubt that many men will continue to wear lingerie, putting themselves at risk and jeopardizing the very fabric of society. They must be stopped. Because of the covert nature of many of the offenders, and the panties themselves, traditional means of repression (dirty looks, snide comments, refusing to sit next to the person in question on the bus) will not work. Fear not however, for I have formulated a solution:
All men should be subject to panty search at all times. This is the only way to stop this insidious practice of men wearing women's lingerie. Some men who do not wear women's lingerie may find this overly invasive and a breach of their so called “rights”, but true patriots will accept these measures as a means to keep society safe.