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Forty Fourty Vision

Updated on February 15, 2011
Etymological Dictionare of the English Language -  (Where words come from and things like that)
Etymological Dictionare of the English Language - (Where words come from and things like that)

I’m confused and I’m quite flabbergasted

At the punctuatión of a friend;

His grammatical messes;

Through etymological guesses

And the poetic text he will bend.

I like the verb at the end to put.
I like the verb at the end to put.

 

 

As I said, he’ll destroy all the meaning

Of a verse, for a rhyme at the end;

Like a German or Kraut,

He’ll arse it about

So the verb to the end he will send.

 

Now in this inaccurate trash can,

He describes to the world, as his mind

“Grammar rules aren’t heeded;

“Spelling’s not needed.

“Just use any old word that you find”

 

His philosophy just makes me shudder

I implore, gentle reader, eschew

His cavalier chatter

That “Grammar don’t matter”

And “Use any old word. That’ll do”.

 

 

 

The homophone was surely conceivéd

With this singular person in mind.

Whether conscious or not,

This outrageous clot

Inserts any similar word that he’ll find

 

 

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to blah blah blah!
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to blah blah blah!

 

So regardless of syntax or spelling

Regardless of meaning or gist

Regardless of whether

Whether, weather or wether

A ram without balls in a storm would feel pissed

Wether - a castrated ram -  (or one who is about to be) - Wouldn't you look like this?
Wether - a castrated ram - (or one who is about to be) - Wouldn't you look like this?
Well, we all know what weather looks like - I might delete this one if nobody appreciates it.
Well, we all know what weather looks like - I might delete this one if nobody appreciates it.
Abacus
Abacus

 

Last week this chap sent me a message

Regarding a certain amount

And a thought he had had;

And I felt very bad

I thought, “Why ask him to spell?   …He can’t count.

 

 

The crux of the matter was forty

Alas fourty, he’d written, poor fool

He mixed fought, thought and fort,

And of course, Cockney fought

Till I fought ‘e should go back to school

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    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate your visit and your kind words.

      And as my chum would say, "Im very greatful 4 you're visit".

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 

      6 years ago from New York

      Hilarious! The best put down a bad speller or writer could get. You hit the nail on the head and left me laughing. Really loved this. Voted up and funny.

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 

      6 years ago

      You are so funny Ian..I bet it did work..haha Have a great day..

      Hugs,

      Sunnie

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Hi, Sunnie.

      Once a teacher always a teacher.

      Strange that you should use that analogy. The sound of nails being dragged down a blackboard (chalkboard) has never bothered me. but i used to use it sometimes when the kids in my classes were making a lot of noise, and I wanted to quieten them. It always worked!

      Sometimes I did it just for fun... my fun, not theirs. Ha ha ha!

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thank you Jami. I hope you always have positive things to say about what I write. If there are some shortcomings on my behalf, you can tell me also... but be gentle, I cry easily... and sulk a lot too.

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 

      6 years ago

      Hello Ian,

      I know this better than most about you and that is what has made you a wonderful teacher. I am sure it feels like nails on a chalkboard when grammar is not ‘used’ properly. I can remember a couple phone calls... lol. Do you know the one word I am forever indebted to you to remember the correct way in which it is to be used.. None other than, ‘USED’ I am always thankful when someone tells me I have made an error. After 30 years of diapers, nursing, diapers. My eight months of writing really had and still does have some shortcomings in the grammar category. However, I am trying and getting better, I can only hope. Anyway... could not expect anything thing less, I enjoyed this one! Nellie you are so funny...

      Love,

      Sunnie

    • profile image

      jami l. pereira 

      6 years ago

      I loved this Hub and i sent it to my "share" thingy i also voted it up ,awesome,useful,interesting too! Have a wonderful night :)

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Following your clever Hub, I thought you would like it, but, as I said, how many Hubbers will understand what you said. They will continue with there mistakes and knot even no that they have maid any.

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thanks for dropping by, MannyRolando. Every visit from you is welcome. Please come again soon.

    • mannyrolando profile image

      mannyrolando 

      7 years ago

      I've enjoyed reading this hub and all of the comments... always a pleasure!

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thank you Acaetna. I appreciate your visits, and must admit that I am a trifle concerned how you will receive 'England, my England', my latest bit of drivel. After all, you come from the heartland of Surrey, the beautiful city of Guildford. Do they whine there about being English, or is that left to the Lager Louts from Oop North???

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 

      7 years ago from Guildford

      This is totally brilliant and how you've managed to include all that grammar and make it so interesting in poetic form is incredible. You certainly have a way with words. I loved it. Pressing all those buttons again.

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      What can I say apart from, "Wow!!!"

      Thanks Ben, as I have said, from you, this is really acceptable. More than that; I am smiling all over my face (where else?)

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 

      7 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      You are most definitely one of my favorite writers, hands down.

      You are TRULY a master of this.

      It isn't always about beauty, or huge vocabulary, or perfect form.

      It's about the impact it has on the READER.

      This was simply awesome. Seriously!

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Hi Kevin. Great to see you here. Please don't judge me by this. I am in the process of going all arty and I think you will like the next posting... I hope so.

      On the drawing board as we speak.

    • profile image

      kkalmes 

      7 years ago

      Hello Ian, fun, witty and just the right amount of snark! Bravo!!! Perfect for a Chicago winter day in the 50's mild enough for a sweater jacket although boots are required for the puddles. I feel I will move before I buy a pair of winter boots... maybe galoshes!

      Thumbs up and Funny is my vote!

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      There, there and then Hear, hear!

      My Goodness, one is getting vociferous.

      How are you, my dear Nellie?

      I am in the process of posting a minuscule poem and wonder if i will be drummed out of (or from) HP. But I am looking for a picture, and can't find exactly what I want.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      7 years ago from TEXAS

      hear, hear!

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Svetlana, I did German for three years when i was in school, and although I sort of understood it, my teachers weren't too wonderful; Herr Blöm was my teacher and he maintained he was Dutch, but it was only less than five years after the War and I feel he was telling a little fib.

      I never used the language at all until I went to Italy on holiday years later. My hostess was Italian and only speak Italian, German and French; I only spoke a smattering of German, English and even less Italian. So we conversed in schoolboy German. That's the only time I ever used it (except for starting to translate what you had written above - but than god, you had done it all for me).

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      And those phone calls are fairly frequent. So I shall.

      Big hug!.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 

      7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Dear Ian, I see how much emotion you stirred with grammar! I thought one subject to avoid would be religion or immigration or politics or abortion...

      Now it is grammar! LOL

      I always felt like you about literacy, that knowing your own language is a must (reading, writing, speaking properly) and I had contempt for illiteracy. That until I started learning foreign languages. I had to accept my inadequacies. I do make mistakes. Does not stop me from writing.

      Not only that - I saw a friend today and he showed me his "English course materials, page 1" and I criticized it. I said it is ridiculous - they should not teach you like that. Poor lad! I should not confuse him.

      This is a little teaser (the auto translator did not do a perfect job, but pay attention - out of four verbs, three are the end!)

      Aber ich muss ein Verb am Ende eines Satzes, lieben Ians stellen, ob Sie es komisch finden oder nicht, weil ich deutschen Grammatik-Regeln folgen muss.

      Translation:

      But I have to put a verb at the end of a sentence, dear Ian, whether you find it funny or not, because I have to follow German grammar rules.

      I wish we all were well-spoken and well-educated. Something to hope for.

    • AngRose profile image

      AngRose 

      7 years ago

      Well I am sad we can't have Christine join us, she sounds delightful. Please convey my thanks to her next time you talk to her "live" and on the phone then Ian. :)

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Angle, I am looking for an appropriate picture to accompany this tiny little poem. I have a picture of a glove, but as yours was black with fur trimmed around the wrist I am going to have to look further.

      I showed my friend Christine (the writing saver) the URL for HP, but her husband is convinced that HP and FaceBook and virtually everything else on the wwww is knee deep in viruses (viri?) and so she is not allowed to look at this site, so she can't see your Thanks to her.

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Runabstract, I think it is much simpler than that. Language, as mathematics and science, has structure, rules and system; there are too many people who ignore these, and due to arrogance or ignorance, think they can ignore them. If they are badly taught, especially in English (as that is the language we are discussing) all they need to do is read well written words, and follow a few simple rules which become apparent very quickly. Or there are people who would willingly help.

      OK, I'm off my soap box now.

      Thank you for stopping by, and thank you for the complement.

    • AngRose profile image

      AngRose 

      7 years ago

      I think we must all thank your friend for saving your writings for us! Please, send her my regards.

      And there is no way I would feel comfortable leaving a dirty cup behind for your to agonize over, or leaving a piece of silver left out of its proper drawer.

      And I am so happy you found my glove! At least, it is mine if it is black with fur around the wrist. (And silly as this is, I have misplaced that one just yesterday!)

      Last, but my no means least, I am glad to hear you are all well and sorted out in your end of the world.

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Winepress, it is such a useful thing to have someone to run your writing past. It is amazing how many times we read what we have written and only see what we had meant to write... But I do get tired of reading some "poetry" on HP and the writers not only spell their words incorrectly, but don't even seem to understand the structure of the English language, one of the most beautiful in the world... if used properly.

    • RunAbstract profile image

      RunAbstract 

      7 years ago from USA

      Maybe the answers to such grammer problems... begin in the: public school system?

      Funny poem!

    • winepress profile image

      winepress 

      7 years ago

      If you mark my writings you'll see these mistakes. Sometimes...... some words don't come easily. I'm glad to have an editor who is patient with me.

      stay bless.

      winepress

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Hi Sally. Thanks for dropping in. So you know Steve too, do you? He sees no need for apostrophes. Your's sincerely is one of his, and I remember that he said quite categorically that its and it's are completely interchangeable. So with him I have to be very careful if I write him an e-mail because he will pick me up on any mistake and never let me forget it.

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Nellie Anna, my friend, the victim of my inadequate "penmanship" (I can't think of the correct word) is Mr Stevve (sic) here. Poor soul; having me as a friend, but the guy is a jewel, actually. One of the kindest and most forgiving persons that one would ever hope to meet.

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 

      7 years ago

      Funny hub! We all make mistakes, but it seems some people don't care. I have a running joke going with a friend regarding the use of apostrophes. It's Its is crazy!

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      7 years ago from TEXAS

      There, there. . . .

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      If you mean, "Do you mean me?", then, yes.

      If you mean, "Do you mean me, now?", yes, I still do.

      Good morning, Steve. You are seldom as articulate... Unless it's in pursuit of a restraining order.

    • profile image

      Stevve 

      7 years ago

      Now do you mean me?

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thanks for coming and sitting a while. It was so nice to see you. By the way, I am sorry that this is certainly not one of my best, but I like "taking the Mickey" with this poor sod. He is the brunt of all my "me, trying to be clever" hubs.

      By the way, when you came for coffee, you didn't need to tidy up and wash the coffee cups... I've got a dishwasher for that.

      And did you leave your glove? (Heavy hint for a poem I'm going to publish soon. I wrote it about a million years ago, and my friend who collects and saves all my stuff, retrieved it, and I think it's quite nice).

      I must thank her again, she is such an amazing friend.

      And don't worry about me, Angie, domestic stuff is sorted out!

    • AngRose profile image

      AngRose 

      7 years ago

      Ian, Your teacher side is showing darling! Love it, very funny.

      Although I must admit to being a little disturbed with your comment to Rob...I have got your email???? Did you really type that line??? Teasing of course, I know you've been having a crisis there, I will write it off to that flustering your usual unflapability...heck, is that a word??? Now I'll worry you'll think I'm an idiot, making up my own language!

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      H P, There has been rather a lot going on here for the last couple of days, but please believe me, I shall look over the Egypt business and get back to you.

    • Twilight Lawns profile imageAUTHOR

      Twilight Lawns 

      7 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Rob, I have got your e-mail, but there was a bit of a domestic crisis here. Believe it or not I was just discussing it with a friend who was talking about a vaguely similar situation in Pakistan. I will get back to you in the next couple of days, believe me.

      Ian

    • H P Roychoudhury profile image

      H P Roychoudhury 

      7 years ago from Guwahati, India

      Lovely contents are expressed in a lovely poetical expression. Thanks for sharing.

    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 

      7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Well I guess you got my email then...

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