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Friends in Forgotten Places

Updated on May 27, 2013

Friends share tears.

I have shed many tears.
I have shed many tears. | Source

My muse is feeling sorry for me.

Just recently I have learned a very hard lesson in life; it is a simple fact that the friends you thought that you had are not the friends you hoped them to be. Now, before you think this is another depressing write from the pen of the bluestar, you are wrong. Actually, although truthful, it has allowed me to view my life from a completely different perspective.

Injustice, happens everywhere we live, in every walk of life and with every scenario that faces us. The Collins Dictionary describes injustice as:- Unfairness, bias, discrimination, inequality, inequity, iniquity, oppression, partisanship, prejudice and finally, wrong.

At this point I know you are wondering what the meaning of all this is and where I am leading with this? Let me explain to you. All of my life I have followed a code of ethics and conduct that I was taught as a child. Namely, to treat other people as you would wish them to treat you. Never judge without knowledge, respect other people and if in a position of anger, turn the other cheek.

Life, has dealt me some bitter blows over the years, but I always trusted my friends to see me through the good and bad times. To have reached the grand age of fifty six, to suddenly realise that my friends have only supported me within certain parameters of my life has been a shock. Standing side by side, facing the world full on and not turning my head to misinterpretations of will have suddenly caused me to react with alarm and fear.

It would seem that friends only support you if they can agree with the problem that you are experiencing. I love my friends unconditionally, but it would appear that for my life I have been misguided. It is fine to expect your friends to say “well done” when you gain a new job or qualification; or to hug you and be your strength in times of pain, or to even laugh and share your hiccups in life. Why then do they not support you when you suddenly believe and act on a situation completely out of the box? Are we to understand from this that as friends we are conditioned to only support what we feel comfortable with, despite the consequences and pain we cause to a true friend?

I have been torn apart by the loss of some of my most precious friends when I suddenly became involved with an incarcerated man. Instead of being honest and truthful with their opinions, they have chosen to not comment at all, and in fact have walked away. Have I changed, am I not recognisable any more, maybe I have grown two heads, or is it just that the situation is too complicated for them to feel comfortable with? I can’t answer those questions because you see, I haven’t changed. I have always supported the lame ducks in life. I have always found a reason to extend a warm welcome to every race and colour, and I am still the same person with the heart that they always loved.

I am not expecting my friends to support the same man, or to even like him, just to understand that it is what I want to do and I won’t ever change being me. So why have they all turned their backs and become silent in spoken word and actions?

Remember this people?

Just a few thoughts.


A comforting whisper from loving lips

A kind touch across a windswept face

Eyes that sparkle with laughter and fondness

We grow to appreciate one another

A reassuring hug in quiet places

A loving smile across the table top

A hand outstretched to welcome me home

Is the blessing that only a kindred spirit can offer?

Soft touches comforting in hard places

Overwhelming trust in times of loss

A phone call in times of pain

We all need this and much, much more.

Photographs that remind us of happy times

Of moments spent laughing with each other

A special gift on the dressing table

Smiles that we could share together

My friends, I miss you so much

I don’t want to cause you pain

I only ask for your hands outstretched again

I miss that embrace that said “it is OK”

My friends I miss you so, please don’t go

Love you all my friends.


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    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      5 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Eddy, thank you so much for keeping my faith in human nature. When I wrote this hub, it truly was not directed to anyone in particular as even my very best friend that I have known since school has refused to stay in touch since my journey with David began. It is hard to see them turn their back on me when we have spent so many precious times growing older together. Your comment has lifted my spirits to no end and I really am grateful to you for the open friendship you offer. xx

    • Eiddwen profile image


      5 years ago from Wales

      A touching hub Net and a true friend is someone who we may not have been in touch with for a long time but are always there.

      Some do not act as we thought they would but we must be strong in knowing that what we have done is right for ourselves and that not everyone will agree with us.

      My friends, I miss you so much

      I don’t want to cause you pain

      I only ask for your hands outstretched again

      I miss that embrace that said “it is OK”

      My friends I miss you so, please don’t go

      These words are so touching and here on HubPages there are friends who we may not have been in contact with for a while but we only need a nudge and we are there.

      Here's lots of love and hugs to you Net all the way from Wales and only a few clicks away.


    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      5 years ago from Northern Ireland

      My dear Martie, all is not as it seems and actually when I wrote this hub I had no particular friends in mind, just all my friends in general. Friends, true friends love unconditionally and when the going is tough under foot they find another way to reach out with support. I don't expect, as if in a God given right that all my friends should support my empathy with David, but I had hoped that they would still have supported other areas in my life. Sadly, that is not true as all of them have completely walked away. I can think that it is because they still have my happiness in mind, but it is a cruel way of showing it if this is the case. Or I can think that they find it difficult to watch the scenario unfold and have to step away to pick up the pieces in the future, but either way I only wanted a hug of reassurance that they have my back. I respect your directness here my friend, and I always know that I can trust your honesty, so here is to the "Three Musketeers" as we used to be, watching each others backs and supporting each other beyond boundaries. Much love, Nette xx

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      5 years ago from South Africa

      Sadly, all our friends don't always share all our passions, and surely we should not expect them to. We should stay their friends and not blame them because they don’t support us according to our expectations.

      Being a friend involve allowing others to follow their heart, but holding on to the motto: If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything.

      There is a saying, “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” But you are not a fool, Annette, and I am not an angel. So somewhere in between we will always be friends, sharing some of our passions.

      Annette, I wish you only the best of the best. May all your dreams come true. I hope with all my heart that this chapter of your life will have a happy ending.

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      5 years ago from Northern Ireland

      My dear friend Bill, it is true that every man in prison today is innocent lol I know that you have experience first hand to some of these men, and I respect your views. I will have to fight my own corner on this one, and hope that in the end I will prove you all wrong. If not I will throw my hands up and tell you all that you were right all along and carry the burden on my own shoulders, for my own stupidity. Thank you for your thoughts.


    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      5 years ago from Northern Ireland

      bravewarrior, thank you again for sharing your story with me. I sent your comments to David the last time you commented on one of my hubs and he actually mentioned you yesterday and asked me to thank you for having an open mind. I don't have an answer to the future but I do know that he is very much my present. Thank you again for being supportive and telling me that you understand how I feel, especially from one who knows.


    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      5 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Faith Reaper, I thank you very much for taking the time to comment and help me understand why some friends do not support each other. Ironically, I did not have certain people in my mind when I was writing this, as I have lost all of my friends, not just my hub buddies. I do understand that for many and one in particular I know that this is painful to read. I have friends who have been the victim of crime, as have I in the past and I never expected them to be upset by my comments. Again ironically, on checking my account today I have found that 90% of all my hubs written with this man in mind have been unpublished. I have not been given a reason and although I have asked for an explanation, I can only guess to the cause. If David is lying to me, he is the best lier that I have ever met to continue saying the same lies over and over again. I have been in receipt of a report from his attorney saying that David's case has not been handled in the correct way and that it has been proven that the police terrorised witness's for a false testimony on at least four occasions. I have also read the public documents of David' s case and can only hope that his attorney can be trusted. I know that I am a very trusting person and if I am proved wrong I have only myself to blame. Thank you again for your kind thoughts, I truly appreciate them.


    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      5 years ago from southern USA

      When I mentioned setting up boundaries, what I meant was your former friends' boundaries (them having to set up boundaries-not you), as I am sure they were truly concerned and surely they expressed such concern about your relationship with this man, out of love for you as their friend.

      I will tell you a story . . . once I worked in the insurance field, and we had a claim where our insurers, a woman, had her van stolen in NY City. Well, turns out that this poor women had befriended a man in prison, so she sold all that she had, except the van and had her money with her, and went to NY City to pick up this man who had just been released from prison, so that they could start their life together, as they were "in love".

      Well, she arrived in NY City and did pick this man up, who immediately told her that he had a "migraine" and that she needed to stop at the nearest drug store and pick up some aspirin, and she did. Keeping in mind, she was the one who had gotten out of her vehicle to get this man some aspirin. Well, of course, when she left the drug store, her van and this man were nowhere in sight!!! He had abandoned her in the middle of NY City in a very bad area all by herself with no money, no transportation, nothing. She found her way to a church, who helped her to call the police, and she filed her claim with us for her stolen van.

      So, I tell you all of this, to tell you that, these men can zero in on women who are lonely or who have very low self-esteem and take great advantage of them. I am not saying this is the case with you, but the statistics do show this to be the case when women befriend men in prison.

      So, I can surely understand your "former" friends' concerns for you, and they maybe told you so, and it was hard for you to hear, but I am sure they only were concerned for your safety, I would think to be the case.

      God bless you. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • WillStarr profile image


      5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I suppose I am one of those you think has turned his back on you, but that's not true. I've had quite some experience with incarcerated folks, and they are always innocent. One is my nephew who adamantly denied any involvement in a terrible crime, right up to the day he turned state's evidence and confessed. We all believed him, but he was lying all along.

      I took the time to look up DW, and then I chose to just let it drop rather than anger you, because you are my friend. Maybe he is innocent, but the chances are, he's just another con doing another con-job on a loving and trusting person. That's what they do.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      5 years ago from Central Florida

      Bluestar, many years ago I too became friends with a man who was incarcerted. He was a friend of a friend. We fell in love after several years and married when he was released. He is my son's father. We divorced when my son was 6 and he died in 2007 from cancer. Despite his past, he was accepted by my friends. My parents weren't pleased when they learned of his past, but after seeing what a great father he was to their first grandchild, they too accepted him.

      I hope your friends come back to you. If they know and love you, they should trust you.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      5 years ago from southern USA

      Oh precious heart,

      Thank you for sharing your profound thoughts here. I, too, have experienced such, however, as you, I have learned from it. All I know is that, "A friend loves at all times."

      You're right, although, they may not agree with your choices in this life, as a friend (if truly a friend), they should have expressed their concerns for you or at least tell you what they think of the situation, if they truly love you.

      Now, in life, as I have learned the hard way, myself, there are times to put up boundaries for one's own self-preservation, whether friends understand or not, but one needs to relay that to friends and the reason why such boundaries are necessary.

      Hugs and love, Faith Reaper


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