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Silly Poems - To Tickle Your Funny Bone

Updated on February 4, 2017
Jodah profile image

John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Monty Python, Mr Bean, Black Books etc.

Source

It's One Of Those Days....(female perspective)

When you hang the washing out

And it rains for fifteen days.

When you meet a hunky guy

And he turns out to be gay.


When the landlord wants his money

And you haven't got a cent.

When the iron destroys your best dress

And you have to wear a tent.


When you throw a dinner party

And no one keeps the date.

When you've got too many kids

And your period is late.


When you're watching a great movie

And the tv blows a fuse.

When you need to win the Lottery

And as usual, you lose.


When you tell a funny joke

And no one even smiles.

When the bus does not turn up

And you have to walk for miles.


When you've had a shopping spree

And your partner throws a fit.

When you have a birthday

And no one gives a shit.

One Day As I Was Walking - or 'It's One Of Those Days'...(male perspective)

I saw a girl the other day,

Her beauty took my breath away.

Long tanned legs and bouncing breasts,

Her body gave my eyes no rest.


As she passed me in the street

My body turned, but not my feet.

I tripped and fell upon the ground,

But checked her bum as I went down.


I jumped up quickly for to follow,

So in her charms my eyes could wallow.

Her long blonde hair and slender waist,

A barber's pole, fair in the face *#*.


Slightly stunned and seeing stars,

I stumbled on the road...oops cars!

Weaving through the peak hour traffic,

There she was again...terrific!


Proceeding at a steady pace

I caught her up to check her face.

But as I tried to pass her by,

She looked at me and winked her eye.


On waking in the public ward

I saw a doctor check my board.

I said, "Hey Doc, what is the score,

How come my body's bruised and sore?"


He looked at me, and with a grin

He placed a finger on his chin.

"In future when you're walking Sir

Please watch the ground ahead.

You fell into a manhole

And it's lucky you're not dead.

The Gift

The laundromat was empty,

The corner store was closed.

A Pakistani gentleman

Sat down and picked his nose.


As I walked by the lamp post

He raised his head and spoke.

"Excuse me Sir, so generous,

Could you spare me just one smoke?"


I stopped right there, next to the man,

Then knelt down by his side.

I reached into my overcoat

And withdrew twenty-five.


I said, "here, take the packet,

I'm gonna give 'em up.

They're just too damned expensive."

And he gladly snapped them up.


"Thank you, thank you, very much,

You've pulled me from a hole.

I haven't had a puff in days,

Mohammed bless your soul."


"As a token of my gratitude

Please accept this gift.

It isn't very valuable,

But your spirits it may lift."


He handed me a leather pouch

Which I accepted as a joke.

I didn't take a look inside,

And he blew a ring of smoke.


I bid my new found friend farewell,

And quickly walked away.

I was already late for work,

And sure they'd dock my pay.


When I arrived at 9.15

The boss screamed, "Late again today!"

He tossed an envelope at me,

"Here's your severance pay."


I sat down at my office desk

Intent to clean it out.

And as I took my jacket off

The leather pouch fell out.


I placed a hand into the bag

And removed a tiny clock.

It's face was numbered backwards,

And the hands said 9 o'clock.


I turned the key to wind it up,

Then suddenly it rang.

My boss walked in and grinned at me,

"On time at last, hey Stan?"


I sat there shocked, mouth gaping,

I hadn't lost my mind.

this tiny clock upon my desk

Could somehow TURN BACK TIME.

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    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 3 years ago from Deep South, USA

      It's an exceptional writer who can grasp the perspective of both genders equally well and write about them. These are all terrific verses. As for that clock...I want one!

      Voted Up++ and shared

      Jaye

    • sligobay profile image

      sligobay 3 years ago from east of the equator

      The male focus is exclusively sexual and the female focus is upon every

      aspect of life, chores to dinner parties. Sex drive seems somewhat self-destructive. "The Gift" is very imaginative. I enjoyed them all.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Well done! I enjoyed these!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you once again Jaye for checking out my work and for the generous comments, votes and shares. Yes it would be handy to have that clock.

      Sligobay, your comments are spot on and I appreciate your insights. Glad you enjoyed.

      Thank you Audrey for visiting my hub and glad you enjoyed these poems. Now I have to reciprocate and check out your own hubs.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 3 years ago from TEXAS

      Jodah, you continue to surprise and amaze me with your versatility, wild imagination, keen insight and ability to express them all so well poetically!

      Again, you're getting voted all across the choices!

      You make it so easy to follow along reading your lines, laughing one minute, studying the next. What fun! How happy I am to have found you!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Nellieanna, thank you for checking out another of my poetry hubs. I am having so much fun now putting my poetry out there for people to see and hopefully appreciate.

      I like to bring a smile to people's faces, and at other times make them stop and think. My message is rarely far beneath the surface. I guess subtlety isn't really my forte.

      I have a few short stories which I haven't yet had the courage to publish here because of the high quality of other hubs I have read. Most people are very kind on here though and seldom critical, so maybe soon.

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      I'm up too early this morning; plenty of time to do some reading before heading off to work, so I wanted to give your work a look. So glad I did. You put a smile on my face to start my day. Especially since I work in manholes!!!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Wayne, I consider my writing a success if it makes someone smile. Hope you have a great day...even if it involves manholes.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 3 years ago from TEXAS

      Jodah - I'll bet your short stories are good, too! This isn't a competition. Writing is actually hard even to compare, because different styles and perspectives are what make it interesting. How can those really be compared? It's the variety that makes Hubpages so much fun for which to write and to read!

      I've never been good at writing stories because they never seemed to 'go anywhere'. I could develop characters, set scenes, describe so one could almost see it but my plots just languished. Then a dear person/brilliant writer and fellow Hubber (shadesbreath) gave me a tip from which I managed to grind out a 5-part story for a Halloween writing challenge 3 years ago, which got by pretty well. (He advised to write the ending first! Wow. How clever!)

      I'd wager you could write a much better story! Just do it!! Don't compare with others. There are some professional writers on here! They're not here to overshadow anyone but are usually willing to help and encourage, in fact. There are plenty of us amateurs, too. Remember, even the best writer in the world will have some kudos and some criticisms, as in any endeavor. One can glean some value from either of them!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 3 years ago from south Florida

      Three very clever and very funny poems, Jodah. Thank you for this pleasure. Just one question I have for you. Where can I buy one of those clocks, too?

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Nellieanna, thanks again for the kind and sensible advice. I'll have a look through my short story collection and try to touch them up. As you say some seem to start off well and then go nowhere or end too abruptly. A good tip to write the ending first and work towards it. You are right, this isn't a competition and I've learnt a lot already.

      Thank you drbj,

      Glad they gave you a laugh. Hmm, I think the clocks are available at a small stall in an alleyway in the southeast corner of Bangalore...lol

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      A great read Jodah and voted up plus shared onto my Fb page A Brand New Dawn

      Eddy.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for voting it up Eddy and sharing on your Facebook page, wow!

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 3 years ago from TEXAS

      Oh, dear. I meant you could write a much better story than mine! It must have sounded like I was saying you could improve on yours. But if you got some good out of my boo-boo, that's good.

      My motive wasn't to coach you, but just to relate my experience with my being coached. If it helped you, I'm glad. The writing ending first really is a great tip. He suggested making a tentative 'time-line' outline, with the general idea for the ending written in, then fill in the steps and scenes to reach it, starting at the beginning. I just found his hub on this, in fact, if you'd like to check it out:

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Three-Steps-to-Fin...

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      No, not at all Nellieanna. I didn't take your comment as a criticism or as an attempt to coach me. You did say I could probably write better short stories than you. I just decided that I should reread any I have written and see if they can be improved before posting them. As i said 'I' wasn't happy with some endings. I will check out that hub, thanks. Keep your eye out, maybe there'll be a story from me on here soon...haha.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 3 years ago from TEXAS

      I hope to see one! This a great time of year for writing and for reading stories! :-)

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Very smart on the perspective and a bit yucky on the laundry scene. Lol! This is hilariously brilliant! You're brilliant!

      Voting up, funny (of course) and sharing!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Aw thank you Cris,

      I love it when someone finds my writing funny, or touching, or interesting...in fact if it can stir any emotion at all, I feel it's been successful...except maybe boredom...lol.

      I appreciate you voting it up and sharing. I'm currently working on a humorous article that I'm having fun writing. Keep your eyes peeled for a new hub in the next few days.

    • Marie Flint profile image

      Marie Flint 2 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida USA

      I like your original sketch with the symbols above the figure's head. Nice bright yellow.

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 2 years ago from Taos, NM

      LOL! Hilarious! These are clever and creative.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

      Nice job. Great fun for the morning. Jamie

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Marie.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Glad they gave you a laugh Suzette. Thanks.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Jamie, have a great day.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 2 years ago from India

      All three poems are fantastic and so much entertaining ! The last two poems also weaved suspense along with humor and mirth. Reading the second one, I was expecting so many twists but surprisingly none of them surfaced in the end and instead an entirely unexpected turn was there. The third showed a magical gift in the end whereas I expected some expensive gift/ money. John, you create an unexpected world in your poems and we are left intoxicated with all that for a long time. Loved reading these very hilarious, funny and interesting poems. Voted up and shared.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Jodah these were great and I loved the last one... best

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Harishprasad and for your wonderful comment. Glad you found these funny, and that I was able to entertain you in my own unique way.I appreciate the vote up and share also.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      I had fun writing these Frank. Glad you especially liked "the Gift".

    • The Examiner-1 profile image

      The Examiner-1 2 years ago

      Awesome! I loved it John. :-) The part that I liked best was the clock that turned back time. Hilarious. I sure wish that was true. I voted it up, shared it and pinned it.

      Kevin

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Kevin. I know youweren't really into poetry until recently. Glad I've helped to change that. I appreciate the sharing, vote up and pin.

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      I love this little journal of poems -- starts my day with a giggle. Thanks for the delightful coffee break, Jodah. Voted up ad sharing. I like the drawing of the little lady... cute.

    • cherylone profile image

      Cheryl Simonds 2 years ago from Connecticut

      This was great! Just what I needed to brighten my day! Thanks for the boost in moral.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Phyllis, thanks for reading. I needed to post a humorous hub after my last more depressing one 'Body in the Forest'. Glad these have you a giggle. Thanks for the vote up and share.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Cherylone, glad these brightened your day. It makes me feel good to do that. Take care.

    • Fullerman5000 profile image

      Ryan Fuller 2 years ago from Louisiana, USA

      Hahaha, great poems especially the one about the girl. Your writing is great and very entertaining. I do want that clock as well. Great work and great hub.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Fullerman, it' good to be able to give each other a laugh. Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed.

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 2 years ago from Northeast United States

      Voted funny and interesting . I especially like when the mans eyes got no rest :). Cute. Thank you for sharing

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi carrie,thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed this and found it funny.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Came back for another read! Thank you John--made my morning!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      I love to hear those words "made my morning" Audrey, thanks for revisiting.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 2 years ago from Texas

      Hi Jodah. Glad you read my hub and directed me to this one of yours. You're quite amusing. Interesting too. I don't think I tell stories in poetic form so well, but you did it quite well with the one about the clock. Thanks again!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey thanks for reading Shanmarie. Glad you found these interesting. I seem to be partial to poetic stories for some reason...guess it's just my preferred style of writing.

    • Greensleeves Hubs profile image

      Greensleeves Hubs 2 years ago from Essex, UK

      Good funny poems Jodah - and it seems in touch with your feminine side :) I can empathise with some of the experiences in the first (some of which apply to guys as well as girls) and I can sympathise with the guy in the second (that could happen to me!)

      And I wish I was the guy in the third - how nice to be able to turn the clock back! Voted up. Alun

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading these poems Alun. Glad you could relate . Cheers for the vote up too.

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      Jodah, this came up an my notifications and I just had to come read it again. I love that doodle art of the little woman at top. You make me chuckle with this hub. Thanks.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Phyllis.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 19 months ago from sunny Florida

      A smile is always a good thing..

      And O if we could all have someone offer us a gift such as was given in this entry we would be thrilled no doubt.

      Well done

      Angels are on the way ps

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 19 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for reading these attempts at humour ps. Angels back at ya.

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