Limericks - From Funny Famous Ditties To Rude Little Witty's!
Limericks can be traced as far back in History as the fourteenth Century, starting in England. They were mainly used as nursery rhymes for children, but of course because they were short and to the point, they spread to the inn's and taverns and ended up being bawdy and rather rude! So, as I was in a particularly funny mood, I thought that I would add a few of my favourites here. There were so many to choose from, and I thought that I had better only choose the ones that weren't, well, too bad, if you know what I mean! as I didn't want to shock the more delicate sensibilities of some of the more refined readers! Which of course is all of you! As you are so well behaved and such genteel ladees and gentlemen, I suggest that you read them with one eye closed, and that way it won't be as shocking to your delicate systems! Ah Ha
The word Limerick comes from the town in Ireland called, well, Limerick! Which is situated in the southern part of the country. Where songs were sung, and the bawdiness of the drunken man and the strumpet inn keeper's daughter brought a new type of poetry mixed with hilarity and this is what made the chorus change and of course brought us the famous Limerick .All because people had had too much to drink!. So there you have it, mixing the English drunkards with the poetic Irish, we ended up with the mixture of Limerick that we know so well today! Anyway, off we go, and if anybody has got any good ones, please feel free to add them at the bottom. I of course, know that you will be very sensible and just add sweet little poems! Uh Uumm! Hick! Sooo Shorry, too much tooo drinkkkkkk...............!
Merry Meet My Friends here's to the Ale and the Bawdiness!
There was an old man from Sprocket,
Who went up to Space in a Rocket,
The Rocket went bang,
His gonads went clang,
And his bum ended up in his pocket.
There was a young woman called Sally,
Who loved an occasional dally
She sat on the lap
Of a well endowed chap
And said 'You're right up my alley.
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill can hold more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican.
by Dixon Merritt.
There was a young man from Savannah
Who met his end in a curious manner
He whittled a hole
In a telephone pole
And electrified his banana
There was a young girl from Madras
Who had a most beautiful ass
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
But Grey with long ears, and ate grass
A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball
The square of his weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call!
There once was an artist named Saint
Who swallowed some samples of paint
All Shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint!
There once was a man from Bonaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the banister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her of in midair!
Limericks By Edward Lear
Just to prove that I do have a bit of culture in me, I thought I would add a few famous limericks by the poet Edward Lear!
There was a young lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin
So she had it made sharp
And purchased a harp
And played several tunes with her chin!
There was an old person of Dover
Who rushed through a field of blue Clover
But some very large bees
Stung his nose and his knees
So he very soon went back to Dover.
There was an old lady of Chertsey
Who made a remarkable Curtsy
She twirled round and round
Til she sunk underground
Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.
There was an old man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed
But some very large rats
Ate his coat and his hats
While that futile old gentleman dozed.
There was an old man in a tree
Whose whiskers were lovely to see
But the birds of the air
Plucked them perfectly bare
To make themselves nests in the tree
There was an old person of Ware
Who rode on the back of a bear
When they asked, 'Does it trot?'
He said 'Certainly not!'
He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon Bear!
- Birthday Limericks
Don't be boring with your birthday card messages. Be original! Be fun! Write a limerick!
- How to write a Limerick
The trouble with wearing the tartan /is everyone thinks you're a Spartan /who relishes cold /in the goolies. (I'm told /the best way to heat 'em is fartan!) A limerick is a short verse in a well-defined form which...
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I live in Buckinghamshire, and have been writing for about twenty years. I had a couple of shorts stories published and a poem accepted for an...