Before you start spamming me with hateful comments I'd just like to to say that I warned you.
This hub about funny prayers is not for people who get offended easily, this hub about prayers is for atheists and religious people who can take a joke and have a sense of humour.
Tread wisely, ye be warned.
The Fun stuff
The classic prayers
"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yay God."
"Good bread, good meat, good God, let's eat."
Less known prayers
"Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost, whoever eats the fastest gets the most."
"God is great, God is good, let us eat this tasty food"
"We paid for all this food ourselves, so thanks for nothing God." - Homer J. Simpson
"Dear God, my tummies a-rumbling so I'll stop this mumbling, let's eat!"
Long food prayer
"Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy
drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the
tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to
incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The
bitter, The lager.
Help me to relax about insignificant details, beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 a.m. EST.
Help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them are hypersensitive.
Help me to take responsibility for the consequences of my actions, even though they're usually not my fault.
Help me to not try to run everything - but, if you need some help, please feel free to ask me.
Help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it exactly right.
Help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.
Give me patience, and I mean right now!
Help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)
Help me to finish everything I sta
Help me to keep my mind on one thing ... oh, look, a bird ... at a time.
Help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?
Keep me open to others' ideas, misguided though they may be.
Help me follow established procedures. Hey, wait ... this is wrong ...
Help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatido.
Thank you, Lord.
"Here I sit all broken hearted, I came to poop but only farted.
I came here to poop and stink, but all I do is sit and think."