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Funny Pun - Number Four

Updated on November 17, 2011

Funny Pun – Number Four

Sir Dancelot

Back in medieval days,

King Arthur ruled the land

His Knights of the Round Table,

Comprised his merry band.


Do you remember Sir Gawain,

Galahad and Lancelot?

And Lance’s younger brother?

Handsome Sir Dancealot?


Dancelot never fought

In the various wars,

He was much too busy

‘Dancing with the Stars.’

One dark and stormy night,

He set out on his steed,

He rode much too fast,

Drunk from too much mead.


Fierce lightning and thunder

Caused the horse to blunder.

It avoided six trees

But not tree seven.

Dancelot survived

The horse went to horse heaven.


Lacerated and bruised,

Damaged in more than one spot,

The knight grabbed his sword,

Heading for Camelot.


Trudging in the rain and sleet,

Was not his avocation.

He needed a new horse

For his transportation.

Through the storm he saw a farm,

Surely a horse would be there.

Every farmer has a horse.

A stallion or a mare.


He rapped boldly on the door

With all of his might.

They could not refuse him,

Not on such a night.


The door opened slowly,

There stood a lovely girl.

Beautiful and nubile,

With her hair all a-curl.


"Come in, my wet knight,

Let me get you a flagon.

Where is your horse?

Was it killed by a dragon?"


"It was not in a fight.

It just expired tonight."

"Can you help me,

My sweet little lass.

All I need is a horse.

A mule or an ass.


"I must get to Camelot

With no more delay.

How much to rent one?

I have gold, I can pay."


"Dear knight, I can’t help,

The horses are away.

My father and brothers

Won’t be back for a day.


Please come on inside.

Warm yourself by the fire.

I know you are Dancelot.

Your talent I admire."

"I would like to stay,

But I’m on a mission.

So help me, I pray,

I’m late for an audition.


"If you do not have

A mule, donkey or horse,

Can you please suggest

Any other recourse?"


"No other horses are near,

But I have a suggestion.

In the barn is my Mal.

Do you have a question?"


"What is a Mal?

Is it something I can ride?"

"Of course, he is huge,

My brothers ride astride."


To the barn she led the knight,

"Is not my dog a sight?"

There was a Malamute,

A HUGE dog, black and white.


The dog’s coat was shaggy,

And its body was bony.

But it was a monstrous dog,

And as big as a pony.


Each breath the dog took,

Shook its giant frame.

But despite the dog’s look,

Sir Dancelot was game.


Off he rode to Camelot,

The beauty threw him a kiss.

As she said, "I must be crazy

to send a knight out on a dog like this!”

Sir Dancelot and Sir Lancelot
Sir Dancelot and Sir Lancelot

Postscript:

You read the words

that lovely lass said.

Were they not

An invitation to bed?

I should have named him Sir Duncealot!!!

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"


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    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Jim, for the very gracious comment. I knew you would understand. I think Sir Duncealot's porch light was not lit! :)

    • Springboard profile image

      Springboard 5 years ago from Wisconsin

      lol. Yeah, I thought ol' Sir Dancealot was going to get a little...roll in the hay. Duncealot would be very fitting. Good stuff as always.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      A perfect NUT? Well, then that's O.K. What more could I aspire to?

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Well, um, huh, ugh, YES. I am kidding. I am not attacking you, I am approving of your NUTTINESS. I LOVE IT! You are a perfect NUT in my book!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Yes. Sharyn, you have used that well known term before to describe me but I see it as approbation, not denigration. I aspire to be a great nut, not just a plebian one. And I know you are just kidding. Right? You are kidding, right? Right?

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      I think I've used the term "nut" before? Of course I have, lol. Very funny doctor. Does your mind ever rest? Seriously, you know I enjoy your writing!

      Sharyn

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      It's funny that you say that, nicomp,

      Because Monty Python was on my mind.

      I really tried to imagine

      What a conclusion ole Monty would find.

      Have I mentioned it's nice to see you?

      Not yet? Well I certainly do.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Your knight pursued his quest,

      His horse expired bravely.

      Your pun was near the best,

      It smacks of Python, Monty.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Hanna. The Epigram virus? Not so bad, that's one of the most creative, poetic viruses I know. I will try to stay a nice person - but no guarantee, m'luv.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Derdriu, for the 'something extraordinary." You do the same with each one of your fantastic fish tales (pun intended). And thank you for the Up, etc..

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      The fun was my pleasure, Sunshine. Thank you for the 'genius.' I'm delighted to quack you up any time.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, Will, you do say the nicest things. "Groans of anguish?" Could not have hoped for more.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

      Oh, no, no, no, not yhou drbj. You have been affected by the Epigramman virus. You were such a nice per son and now look at it. lol lol lol

    • profile image

      Derdriu 5 years ago

      drbj: What a talent to reverse the ordinary and come up with something extraordinary!

      Thank you, voted up, etc.,

      Derdriu

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      You quack me up drbj! Genius! Thank you for the fun :))

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      (sigh)

      Why am I so willing to partake in what I very well know will assuredly result in groans of anguish?

      I should have stopped at "Dancealot.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      If you understand Spanish, Kelly, then when you visit Italy, they think you understand Italian. How do I know? My husband spoke a little Spanish and when he didn't know the Spanish equivalent of a word, he just added an 'o' at the end. Worked so well for him that when we visited Italy, some of the restaurants had him translating the menu to the gringo tourists. True story.

      I discovered that I could function well in any country as long as I learned how to say three phrases: 1. Where is my hotel? 2. Where is the bathroom? and 3. That is too expensive. Works like a charm.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, b.M. Delighted you had fun and a laugh with this read. I would share your message with Dancelot but the fool, as you so aptly put it, is out on a road trip as a singing minstrel. He will never know what he missed!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      No hablo Espanole - Mal en Francaise - I.e., j'ai mail al a tete! Lol.

      I look back and wish I would have taken Spanish!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, Martie, you have now been knighted, or is it dubbed, Queen of Versification. Your poetry is such a sweet and tender epitaph for Dancelot's noble stud, I mean, steed.And the up, funny and too clever for awesome I will treasure and hold close to my hearth, I mean, heart. Thank you, m'luv.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      So I elicited a grin, John? That's so much more rewarding than a groan. Which I usually solicit, I mean, elicit. Now how did you learn about the djinn? I promised Aladdin I would never tell.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Ah, Rosemary, that is the ultimate compliment. Trying to figure out the pun until the very end. I do appreciate you sharing that thought since it is inevitably difficult for me to keep quiet about it for that long.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Yes, Feline, my dear, Dancelot did win the audition and went on to achieve fame as a wandering minstrel. His family were very pleased with his new vocation as it kept him traveling far. far away.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 5 years ago

      Well another Good, Fun read, and Laugh, DRBJ...and to Sir Dancealot, I say, you should have sat this one out...Fool!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 5 years ago from South Africa

      I’ve shed a tear

      When Dancelot’s horsy so dear

      Hit the seventh tree without fear

      for death’s blatant spear

      sending him off to heaven so near

      where only horses appear

      to live forever and a year.

      Voted up and funny and just too clever for merely an awesome.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Dear Holle - Those are the same words I heard from my shrink. Do you happen to know him - Dr. Strangelove?

      You, senile? Perish forbid! I'm not surprised though that you were unaware of Dancelot. He was never in the history books since his crusades were auditions only. Thank you for the up and etc. m'luv.

    • John MacNab profile image

      John MacNab 5 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Visited & elicited brought forth a grin

      And drbj's rhymes are conjured up by a Djinn

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Amother great one here.

      I tried to figure out the pun might be all the way through but failed until I reached it.

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 5 years ago

      If not the fair maiden, did Sir Duncealot win the audition at least?

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 5 years ago from Georgia

      You, my friend, are not well...but I loves you, anyway!

      Ya know, I've studied the Arthurian legends for years, but try as I might, I cannot recall Sir Dancealot. Must be getting old and senile.

      Voted up, etc!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Your words, Dear John, are like music - I'm so glad you visited.

      Because you didn't see it coming and the deep groan it elicited.

    • John MacNab profile image

      John MacNab 5 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Darn it, even though I was looking for the pun I couldn't see it coming. Deep groan, drbj.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Movie Master, if I really made you laugh with this 'funny,' then my mission has been accomplished. Do not self-destruct. Sharing is my middle name . . . except when it's chocolate.

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      So funny, really made me laugh, thanks for sharing!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I love this comment of yours in verse, Ruby.

      I shall treasure it all of my days.

      I'll be able to say I knew Ruby when ...

      As finally everyone shall sing your praise.

      Thanks for loving it - I love you, too.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      drbj, You are so funny and i do admire your wit

      Your heroic tale i proudly declare a number one hit

      Dancelot riding a Doggie instead of a galloping horse

      Brought uncontrolled laughter, throat a little hoarse

      When Dancelot recalls what the sweet Lass was implying

      He turned that Dog around and went back with wings afly'n

      Loved it....

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Hilary, yep, flagon has two meanings: one - a drink container from medieval days; and two - as in the sentence: "See that flagon the flagpole." Delighted you got a hoot from this pun.

      If the muse holds up, as Ahnold said, "I vill be bach." Thanks for the visit, m'luv.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hey, Paradise ... you laughed THAT hard??? Whoa!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, pd, since you asked, I'm waiting for an invitation from Spielberg ... Lucas ... Eastwood ... or any other of those Hollywood bozos.

      Thanks for the idea and the 'wonderful.'

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I agree with you, Kelly. This verse would have been extremely useful for Sir Dancelot if he had read it prior to taking his departure. No?

      Aha, you read mal as 'bad?' Habla espanol, mi amiga?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, carcro, for the sublime adjectives and the up. Do visit Funny Puns Number One, Two and Three - I believe they will appeal to you also. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      You know, Audrey, that you and your three beautiful malamutes were the inspiration for Sir Dancelot. That Great Dane/Mastiff mix you mentioned may grow to horse size. Saddle up.

      Thanks, m'dear, for loving my rhymes and the 'cute, cuter, cutest.' What, no cutestest?

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      " ... a perfect way to end your day?" What a lovely thing to say, mary. Thank you for enjoying the characters and the UP, etc. vote. Dancelot is such a character I'll have to dream up another caper for him.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      'Brilliant as usual?' snakeslane. 'Clever and poetic,' too. You do have a way with words. Thank you. Regards, backatcha. :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, cre8ivOne. 'Cute?' So are you.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I make you laugh, christopher? You say the nicest things. The pleasure is entirely mine and I will keep it up as long as the muse (and the brain cells) are functioning.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      You are speechless, CM? What a chivalrous comment. Where do I think these up? The voices - they are always talking to me.

      Yep, Dancelot was a bit of a clod but then he wasn't a genuine member of the Round Table. More like a guest at the Square Table - for Squares.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Nice to meet you, tillsontitan. Thanks for the 'hilarious.' 'Playing on and with words is my passion. Thanks for the stop-over.

    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      "Keep 'em coming," Susan? Sweeter words were never heard. Thank you, m'dear.

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      What a hoot! My favorite line is "Let me get you a flagon.

      Where is your horse?

      Was it killed by a dragon?" (I had to look up "flagon")

      More please!

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Oh, you are the MAN! LMAO!

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 5 years ago

      Wonderful read Drbj - when is the movie coming out!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Drbj - I just don't know why no one else marked this useful! Lol

      And when I got to the line "in my barn is my Mal" my brain automatically read it as "in my barn is my bad" LOL

    • carcro profile image

      Paul Cronin 5 years ago from Winnipeg

      Great and funny, witty ... just plain old Awesome! Noted Up my friend!

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

      But of course I have to love it - my beloved malamute~ Griffin, however, is only 95 pounds so he is not as big as a pony!

      I could interest you, however, in a Great Dane/Mastiff mix in Griffin's obedience class who is in FACT at 9 months as big as a freaking pony. Griffin is a little jealous as I think Dewey is getting a saddle next week.

      Cute, cuter and cutest! Love your rhymes as always.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      This was a perfect way to end my day! I really enjoyed the characters! I voted it UP, etc.etc.

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Brilliant as usual drbj! You are very clever and your verses poetic, Regards, snakeslane

    • cre8ivOne profile image

      cre8ivOne 5 years ago from Midwest, USA

      Cute : )

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      You certainly know how to make me laugh. Clever pun. Thank you. Keep up the good work.

    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 5 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Well drbj I am speechless - where do you think them up? Very funny, and I think that you are right - Dancelot passed up a sure thing? But maybe we shouldn't stereotype knights of the Round Table?

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Hilarious! Great play on words.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL :) Keep em coming drbj.