Funny Quotes, Divine Comedy
Life is a divine comedy. Here are some good funny life quotes that reveal the humor hidden deep inside the seriousness of life. Chaplin once put “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot”. So, sometimes let’s look at life from distance and laugh at it, at our silly pursuits and at our meaningless cravings…
want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." Paula Poundstone
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.” Mitch Hedberg
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. Walter Matthau
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx
my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and
the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house. George Burns
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Charles D. Warner
God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. Joe E. Lewis
the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Will Shriner
goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"”
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep Anonymous
You can say any foolish thing to do to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' Dave Merry
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. Elayne Boosler
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. Robin Williams
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers Dan Castellaneta
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. A. A. Milne
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Earl Wilson
If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim. Margaret Thatcher
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. Gracie Allen
Love is like wine. To sip is fine, but to empty the bottle is a headache. Julio Iglesias
- Zen Quotes
a collection of great zen quotes...