ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing

35 Funny and Humorous Quotes, Funny Sayings About Life, Death, Health and Wealth!

Updated on October 2, 2017

Life, Death, Health And Wealth

In the funny irony of life, death, health and wealth, quotes come forth. Here we have 35 of the best funny, humorous, funny sayings on life, death, health and wealth.

Humor is a way to overcome the sadness of many issues. It is a way to cope. These quotes from famous people, offer a stress buster!

Instead of tears of anguish, we lift our spirits and laugh at our misgivings - turning the potential of sadness into tears of joy and laughter..

More Humorous Death Quotes

  • Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.' Groucho Marks
  • 'Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside!' George Bernard Shaw
  • 'Get my swan costume ready!' On her deathbed, Anna Pavlova
  • 'I'm prepared to meet my maker. Whether my maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.' Winston Churchill 1949
  • 'It's a funny old world - a man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.' W C Fields quoted from 'Your Telling Me' , 1934.
  • 'Most people would die sooner than think, in fact, they do'. Bertrand Russell.

Shame he won't be alive to pay the fine!
Shame he won't be alive to pay the fine!

Best Funny Death Quotes

One thing is for certain, death and taxes.

  • 'Death is the most convenient time to tax rich people' - David Lloyd George.

We live our life and we die. Hopefully, you would have left a will, so as your loved one's obtain what you have valued so highly in your life. Many of your prized possessions are more valueable to you than money. Such sentimental value, eh? But what next?

  • 'Where there's a will, there's relations'. Quote by Michael Gill

So, there they all are. Rifeling through your stuff and as your soul watches on, you think:

  • 'Death is natures way of telling you to slow down' Anon Quotation.

Then the realisation dawns on you:

  • 'Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?' Quoted from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead - Tom Stoppard, 1967.

What about the process of dying? This next quotation was made on his death bed:

  • 'If this is dying, I don't think much of it.' - Lytton Strachey

But then some people want to be oblivious to the death thing...

  • 'It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens'. Woody Allan, quoted from Without Feathers 1976.

Funny Quotes On Health Or Illness?

  • 'My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays.' - Joey Bishop
  • 'After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.' - W.C. Fields
  • 'T.B. or not T.B., That is the congestion.' - Woody Allan
  • 'Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.' - Joseph heller
  • 'Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.' - Fletcher Knebel
  • 'I didn't need you to remind me of my age, I have a bladder to do that for me.' Stephen Fry.
  • 'He died of cirrhosis of the liver. It costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.' - PG Wodehouse.
  • 'Dr Sillitoe's got him on tablets for depression. It's not mental, in fact it's quite widespread. A lot of better-class people get it apparently.' - Alan Bennett from 'Enjoy' 1980.
  • 'Don't knock coronaries.  They're all we women have got to guarantee us a prosperous and exciting middle age.' - Malcolm Bradbury.

Best Funny Quotes On Life

Were you inspired with the selection of death quotes? Or maybe you are 'hovering between wife and death'? (Quote by James Montgomery). Well that is where we are at ... wife... err, no.. life! In this section we look at funny quotes on life!

Talking about life, what is it's meaning? I know that there are a few that have a view on this:

  • 'The meaning of life is that it stops.' - Franz Kafta
  • 'There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.' - George Santayana
  • 'Plan for this world as if you expect to live forever; but plan for the hereafter as if you expect to die tomorrow.' - Ibn Gabirol
  • 'Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.' - Fran Lebowitz
  • 'My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other'. - Josh Billings
  • 'If we can't be free, we at least can be cheap.' - Frank Zappa
  • 'Retirement means twice as much husband and half as much money.' - Anon
  • 'Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.' - James Thurber

Best Money Quotations

We all know how depressing it is when we struggle with a lack of money, but with every cloud there is a silver lining - you can always go to the bank!

  • 'A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it.' - Bob Hope

Well, if the bank can't help, they might give you sympathy, just as this traditional Jewish saying might do:

  • 'If you can't help out with a little money, at least give a sympathetic groan!'

So, what about savings? It is always good to save, right? This is what Winston Churchill says on this issue:

  • 'Saving is a very find thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.' - Churchill.

Perhaps bank of mum and dad might be able to help but then...

  • 'There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.' - Edmund Wilson.

This leads us onto the problem with poverty, where even a small but adequate income, is not enough:

  • 'When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money it's sex. When you have both, it's health.' - J P Donleavy from The Ginger Man.

Best Quotes To Make You Laugh

Life, Death, Health And Wealth are all topics for which people have to live with. I hope these 35 of the Best quotes have helped to lighten your mood and see the funny side of life. Humour helps make the world go around and the greatest therapy of all is to laugh - lets get those endorphins raging!

© This work is covered under Creative Commons License

© 2010 shazwellyn


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ariana Phillips profile image

      Ariana Phillips 5 years ago from Utah

      Good quotes I especially liked the one from Bob Hope on banks giving money to people who prove they don't need it.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      An edited anthology of quips (and chuckles.) Thanks.

    • vox vocis profile image

      Jasmine 5 years ago

      Yes, taxes and death are inevitable :) Nice quote collection!

    • gabby0506 profile image

      gabby0506 6 years ago from Bangalore

      Nice hub! I loved the quotations of death!!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      And you have helped make mine... Thanks Liz :)

    • Liz Goltra profile image

      Liz Goltra 6 years ago

      These quotes made my day. Thanks!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      NP aslan - glad for the appreciation :)

    • aslanlight profile image

      aslanlight 6 years ago from England

      Brilliant! Cheers for the belly laughs. :)

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      *hands John MacNab a tissue* hehehe *wink*

    • John MacNab profile image

      John MacNab 6 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Thank you, thank you. You had me crying with laughter.

    • SEO Ibiza profile image

      SEO Ibiza 6 years ago

      great hub, lots of chuckles, well done.

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      umm... interesting dear Gerald :)

    • Gerald Bosacker profile image

      Gerald Bosacker 6 years ago from

      While growing old do I alone

      remember when I, was too poor to buy

      a drugstore's nickel ice cream cone?

    • karmareader profile image

      karmareader 6 years ago

      lol! great quotes!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      Thank you miseryhinata!

      @Doug Turner Jr - Kafka is a remarkable man who wrote about similar ideas as George Orwell's 1984 long before George Orwell!

    • profile image

      Doug Turner Jr. 6 years ago

      Kafka's and Zappa's are my favorite; the wry approach to this strange thing we call life.

    • MiseryHinata profile image

      MiseryHinata 6 years ago

      Great Quotes! Thanks for sharing, I'm definitely writing some of these down ^-^

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      K9 - I love it here too! :)

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      CMHypno - yes... we have a lot to laugh about, dont we? hehehe :)

    • K9keystrokes profile image

      India Arnold 6 years ago from Northern, California

      What a delightful ride through some really fun quotes. I needed this uplifting and smile making hub today! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love it here...


    • CMHypno profile image

      CMHypno 6 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Great quotes Shaz - the only way to get through life is with humour and luckily us Brits have a great sense of humour and don't mind taking the p**** out of ourselves!

    • shazwellyn profile image

      shazwellyn 6 years ago from Great Britain

      @Happyboomernurse - glad to have provided a little light humour!

      @Shalini - Keep smiling... it becomes infectous! :)

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

      Enjoyed those, Shazwellyn - a great start to my day :)

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 6 years ago from South Carolina

      Hi Shazwellyn,

      I enjoyed your string of quotes and the way you strung them together. Thanks for sharing and bringing a little humor into our lives in the midst of a busy holiday season.