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Funny Short Drunk Joke - Number Eleven

Updated on August 20, 2015

We had our fur done for the party.

Funny Short Drunk Joke - Number Eleven

Now it’s time for a guy drinking in a bar to 'suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.' I know, Bill Shakespeare said that first. And it may not exactly apply, but I included it, you see, to add a little class.

Funny Joke Number Eleven

Ralph is a very well-dressed, professional-looking man with an obvious air of self-confidence. He enters a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of twelve-year old Scotch. The bartender serves him his drink.

Ralph takes a sip, makes a face and spits out his drink. "That's ten-year-old Scotch you served me. How dare you insult not only my stature but my intelligence by serving me that inferior Scotch!"

The bartender apologizes profusely and explains that the bar doesn't stock twelve-year old Scotch and he did not think the customer would notice the difference.

Ralph is mollified but still unhappy so he says, "Give me a shot of fifteen-year-old bourbon instead." In a few moments the bartender returns with his drink.

Ralph sips his new drink, rolls it around carefully in his mouth, and then spits it out as well. "What's your problem?" he asks the bartender. "Why do you insult me by serving twelve-year-old bourbon?".

Again the bartender apologizes and repeats his previous explanation. Ralph still needs a drink, now more than ever, so this time he requests a glass of thirty-year-old port wine. Before the bartender can respond, he is called to the end of the bar by an old drunk.

The weather-beaten old fellow hands the bartender a glass, and says, "Give this to that guy and tell him it's on me."

The bartender returns to Ralph, hands him the drink and says it's on the old guy at the end of the bar. Ralph takes a sip, makes a horrible face, and spits it out. "What in the name of all that's holy did you give me," he yells toward the old drunk. "This tastes like urine!"

The old drunk yells back, "You are absolutely correct. Now, tell me how old I am."

Funny Quote

“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.” – George Carlin

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"

Watch the late great Robin Williams play 'Heads Up'

Comments for Funny Short Drunk Joke - Number Eleven

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    • drbj profile image
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      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, sweet Ruby for returning and also reporting on the previous video that was blocked. If you enjoy Robin Williams, take a look at his video performance above on Ellen Degeneres' TV show. More laughter is guaranteed. Per your request, I promise to write some more jokes.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, Audrey - 'mi, mi, mi' - I'm practicing singing while writing now thanks to your inspiring suggestions. Absolutely delighted that you came back here after so long for another laugh. Thanks for the return visit and the sweet comments, m'luv.

      For more laughs, check out the video with Robin Williams.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I came back to get another laugh, and I did. I'm sorry to report the drunk waiter video is blocked. Cheers...More jokes please!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      I'm laughing just as hard as I did 2 years ago. You really must up your game and write more hilarious hubs. We all need a good laugh each day. It's good for the spirit and great for the body...especially when the "funnies" are written by the best. drbj!!!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 2 years ago from south Florida

      By all means, Blond Logic. Tell hubby this one - he can share it with his friends. I agree that the Peter Sellers video is timeless; I laugh each time I view it.

      'Obrigada' for finding this, m'dear.

    • Blond Logic profile image

      Mary Wickison 2 years ago from Brazil

      I will have to tell my husband this one. He will get a kick out of it. Enjoyed the Peter Sellers video as well. It's timeless.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Developed palate, indeed! I like your comparison, Chris. Thanks for the visit and the 'funny.'

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Such a developed palate should have no trouble with that one, right ? :-D . Funny post!

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 4 years ago

      Your welcome

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      So, that's my niche, Audrey - jokes to make you fall asleep. But since you woke up laughing, all is forgiven. Hope sleep does not elude you tonight.

      Here is a quick corny one to put you to sleep again. Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him! What do you do with a no-legged dog? Take him for a drag! :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Hi, torrilynn. Thanks for finding this and finding it hilarious. Yes, Ralph did get his comeuppance. Thanks, m'dear, for the Up and the sharing.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      I know it's late but had to read this very funny joke to go to sleep on. ZZZZZzzzzzzz Just woke up laughing. I'll try the sleep thing again.:) Thanks drbj :) Audrey

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 4 years ago

      @drbj that was absolutely hilarious. i love how well put together it was. i think ralph got what he deserved for being so rude. Voted up and shared!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted, KKGals, that I surprised you with the ending. Those kinds of jokes are the best kind.

      Did Ralph tell the old drunk how old the guy was? Of course. He walked along the twenty-foot length of the bar, went up to the old guy at the end, took a very close look, and said, "Dad! What are you doing here?"

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Haze 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Funny. I was totally surprised at the ending. I never saw it coming. The only question I have is, Did he tell the o;d drunk how old he was? Up and funny.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Yup, drunks in a bar can be funny. Thanks, Linda, for the visit and the 'hilarious.'

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hilarious!!! Nothing like a good drinking joke to bring on the laughter!!!

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      That was a pretty snappy reply, ps, wasn't it! It was my pleasure to share, m'dear. Now why are you up so late? Go to bed and get your beauty sleep. I have spoken! :)

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      O, my. That is one way to shut up a complainer...

      I have not heard this one before, drbj.

      It is the wee hours of the morning so a chuckle hit the spot.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Sending you some Angels on this 26th day of 2013. :) ps

    • John MacNab profile image

      John MacNab 5 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      I do remember the Pink Panther series, dr; I can even remember the Goon Show. There was no doubting Peter Seller's extraordinary talent.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Delighted you found this hilarious stuff, John, and I do believe it. Peter Sellers was one of a kind - and his movies were all very funny - especially the Pink Panther series. Do you remember them? Thanks for the visit, my friend.

    • John MacNab profile image

      John MacNab 5 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Thank you again, drbj. Hilarious stuff - believe it or not, but I think I can remember Peter Sellars and the drunk. And it is still funny.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      You know, Don, you are absolutely correct. Ralph made up his mind then and there to stop drinking . . .. . . . .. . urine!

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      I think it would be enough to inspire one to quit drinking altogether.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Did he deserve that special drink, Martie? Of course he did.

      Now, concerning your reaction, I received an 'ooeeee, yuk' but also a 'Lol,' so I guess that kinda evens everything out. Enjoy your weekend, m'luv.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Now, SilentReed, you got me with that great story and the punchline. I was all ready to ask, 'Did it work?' and you wrote yes, that she left him. Well in a sense, it did work, my silent friend, because he's no longer there. Funny story. Would hate to be the scientist working on this one!!! Thanks or stopping by.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 5 years ago from South Africa

      Ooeeee, yuk! I suppose he deserved that special drink...

      Lol!

    • SilentReed profile image

      SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

      An old wive's tale here say that horse urine can cure one of the desire for drink. A past drinking buddy of mine had the unfortunate experience when his wife got fed up with his nightly carousing and manage to slip some into his booze. He was so drunk that night he didn't notice the difference. I am thankful that the wife didn't include the rest of the guilty party ( Yuck, I still cringe just thinking of that possibility) Don't ask me how she got hold of horse urine. Did it work? Well, his wife doesn't have any problems with his alcoholism....she left him:)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      I dunno, Feline, but I love your question. Send me a sample in a vial and I'll visit every bar on earth to find that old guy. No task is too difficult for a friend.

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 5 years ago

      Could he predict my age from tasting my tears of mirth? :)

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      What a perfect comment, ithabise. A very large OOPs, it is.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Oh, Ruby, please don't crack up. It's so difficult to find an appropriate wardrobe when you are all in pieces. Worked up, too? Then you have made my day. Ho, ho.

      I used to love the Peter Seller movies and this scene with that talented drunken actor was always one of my faves.

    • drbj profile image
      Author

      drbj and sherry 5 years ago from south Florida

      Thanks for making the rounds, my friend. And for finding this hailarious. 'Master of jokes?' Hmmmmmmmmm. I'll accept that.

    • ithabise profile image

      Michael S. 5 years ago from Winston-Salem, NC

      Oops! Good one, DrBJ!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHaHaHa, I'm cracking up here. How funny you are! I was 'gett'n all worked up..HaHa..The video is hilarious. My kind of waiter..Hee

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 5 years ago from Serbia

      drbj, this was hilarious! I never expected this to happen - you are really a master of jokes :)))