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Sarcastic and Funny Vegan Quotes

Updated on April 14, 2019
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Hubpages writer StricktlyDating is an Australian writer creating pages of original funny quotes and status updates.

A collection of sarcastic and funny quotes about vegans and a vegan diet.

Vegan Quotes

  • First rule of vegan club, tell everyone about vegan club.
  • Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell somebody else that she is a vegan.
  • Every healthy vegan has a parent who quietly mixes cows milk with their grains.
  • Stop talking about your diet. Eat a lettuce and be sad.
  • I've got 99 problems and protein ain't one.
  • This lettuce died just so you could be vegan.
  • How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.
  • The hardest thing about being vegan is waking up at sunrise to milk the almonds.
  • Even vegans have competition about who has the best vegan diet: raw vegan, gluten free vegan, sugar free vegan, junk food vegan, eating disorder.
  • Vegan - just another way of saying I'm afraid to eat anything that poops.
  • Vegan - just another way of saying I'm afraid to eat a normal diet.
  • Vegan is just an old native word for bad hunter.
  • You'll never have beef with a vegan.
  • Dear Vegans, most animals eat animals, it's the circle of life, deal with it.
  • Dear Vegans, filling your body with only garden produce doesn't make you a better person.
  • Dear Vegans, shock, horror I know, but your body was perfectly designed for consuming animal products.
  • Vegans will tell you that restricting their diet is not a diet.
  • I'm tired all the time. That is because you are vegan.
  • I love telling people I'm vegan. Why? Are you seeking sympathy?
  • Imagine how bored vegans are when they haven't told anyone they are vegan for more than 10 minutes.
  • Vegans must be so bored checking the label on everything they eat before they decide if they will allow them self to taste it.
  • He was so vegan that he wouldn't even call me honey.
  • So you're a closet carnivore? Only eats meat when no-one is looking.
  • Vegan: A person who doesn't eat meat and does not shut up about it.
  • Non vegan: An advocate for plants feelings once they know you are vegan.

  • A vegan's life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what milk is in it.
  • If vegans love animals so much why do they eat all their food?
  • When you ask someone if they're still vegan and they admit they are but they really crave ice-cream.
  • Newsflash! No one thinks you're a better person than them because you are a vegan.
  • A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
  • How many times I've asked if you're vegan = 0. How many times you've mentioned being vegan today = 10.
  • You mean to tell me society thrived on eating meat for years because we are all uneducated?
  • Vegan level 5. Tries to educate everyone about why vegan diet is healthy. Meanwhile eats fries as it's the only option on the menu.
  • For every animal you don't want to eat, I want to eat two. I crave bacon burgers.
  • No-one cares less about a balanced diet than a vegan.
  • The salad didn't grow for you to eat any more than the cow did.
  • If you have to ask if there’s a vegan option you probably shouldn’t be in the restaurant.
  • It's all fun and games until a vegan starts to tell you why their diet is better than you.
  • Dear Vegan, you are here today because your ancestors farmed the land you live on.
  • Have I mentioned I'm vegan yet?
  • If you are a vegan who went to the gym today, what do you tell people first?

  • When a person tells you they're almost a vegan, they just haven't given up white meat yet.
  • Look over here please, we have a vegan! See? Nobody cares.
  • I start to feel sick every time a vegan tries to explain how healthy it is to be vegan.
  • I start to tell someone I'm vegan and I'm disappointed when it doesn't make them like me more.
  • If you care about animals so much, why don't you volunteer at an animal shelter?
  • If you think animals should be free why do you keep a fish as a pet?
  • Part of the reason vegan's suffer anxiety is they sometimes forget to check all of the ingredients on the label before they eat.
  • Hey you pesky vegan, stop eating my garden!
  • Sorry I can't come for a walk, I'm vegan and my bones might break.
  • You can talk to a brick wall. Or you can try to convince everyone to stop eating their cheeseburgers.
  • When you tell a vegan you eat meat for health reasons, and they think you are less of a human than them.
  • Best way to get no one to like you - Tell them you're vegan.

  • Supermarket - the place vegans go to study food labels.
  • When you have no energy because you spent all day studying food labels and you decided on lettuce for dinner.
  • Breaking news! You are not less of a person because you put milk in your coffee.
  • When you make one vegan dish at the party, and everyone thinks it's a side dish and eats it before the vegan.
  • Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won't be cheesy.
  • I'd make a vegan joke, but no one would carrot all.
  • When you don't want friends, start your conversation with "As a vegan...".
  • Dear Vegan, no you cannot explain how you are better than me without offending me.
  • So I noticed your bathroom has a bad odour. Yeah, I'm vegan.

© 2019 StricktlyDating

Comments

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    • Blond Logic profile image

      Mary Wickison 

      5 months ago from Brazil

      These are funny and so true. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

    • diogenes profile image

      diogenes 

      5 months ago from UK and Mexico

      Hi, 'Sheila! You're still around? We're the old timers on here now.

      Loved the vegan jokes: why can't people be what they want to be and shut up about it!?

      Happy Easter,

      Bob

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