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Funny jokes About in Laws
Mother-in-law VS daughter in-law
A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"
"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."
Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"
The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"
Why Mother In Laws Should Knock
Bury Me At Sea
Herb: Promise me that when I die, I'll be buried way out at sea, with nothing around for miles.
Blanche: Why would you want that?
Herb: Because your mother vowed to dance on my grave.
Son In-Law in the family biz
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new
son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the
family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm
making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the
factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
And the clock on the wall says. . .
Wife: Dear, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall.
Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and
Husband : Oh, my God! That clock has always been slow.
My mother-in-law is an angel
Fred and Rick were in a pub. Fred says to his mate, 'My mother-in-law
is an angel.'
Rick replies, 'You're lucky. Mine is still alive.'
What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are Wanted.
Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
My In-Laws Made an Outlaw Out of Me
Use Old Before New
A constantly nagged and harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a
cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year Christmas came again and this year he didn't buy her any gift.
Mother-in-law was upset and asked the son-in-law why was she forgotten this time.
The angry son-in-law responded, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
JEFF BATES MY INLAWS ARE OUTLAWS
Death on Vacation
During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalam, George's mother-in-law died.
With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the states for proper burial.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the
mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the states for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."
The Consul, after hearing this, says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much consdering the difference in price."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead !
I just can't take that chance.