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Killer Asteroid Heading Toward Earth .... Good
The headline on Yahoo.com was like all headlines on Yahoo.com, just begging me to click so I could read the entire story. Although I can often withstand the yearning to click to find the latest edition of Lindsay's Lohan's "rap sheet" or the philosophical musings of the Kardashian sisters, this headline appeared promising: "Giant Asteroid Heading Our Way". Who says the "media" doesn't report good news.
Flushed with excitement, I let my imagination run wild. Maybe the asteroid would hit Washington D.C, Maybe the U.N., Maybe even Yankee Stadium. Then I pictured Hollywood in smoldering ruins. An asteroid could do it. They can be up to 480 miles in diameter.
But then I realized engaging in this kind of destructive thinking is wrong, to say nothing of unproductive. Immediately, I was overwhelmed by guilt. I would do the right thing. I would volunteer to sacrifice myself for the good of the planet. Let the asteroid take me. I was of no use to planet earth anyway.
It' was no-brainer. It was win-win. The planet would be rid of one more quasi-libertarian, Christian, tea-party sympathizer, and I'd be freed from trying to live in a world where up is down, right is wrong, America is the perceived cause of the world's evils and CNN is considered a news-organization.
Before I realized what I was doing, I found myself audibly murmuring "Come on asteroid" "Bring it.Baby" ..... "wait let me get one more cup of coffee".... Perhaps it was the startled stirrings of the other Dunkin Donuts patrons or the ever-increasing volume of my voice as I continued to root for the asteroid to pummel me into heaven exactly where I sat, but I quickly came to my senses and realized I was still staring at the headline that started it all ... "Giant Asteroid Heading Our Way"
With self-conscious trepidation, I clicked the highlighted text "See it tonight" that accompanied the headline. Aghast but not surprised I felt naked, violated, alone, Yahoo.com had done it to me again. The headline to the actual article mocked my previous elation with the innocuous announcement, "Huge Asteroid To Fly By Earth Thursday: How To Watch Online".
There would be no grand deliverance from this happily ignorant and corrupt world and worst of all was that I'd never again be able to show my now suddenly reddened face at my favorite Dunkin Donuts. The world was still on the verge of bankruptcy. America still wasn't allowed to drill for oil. Iran could have the nuke any minute, and the Yankees after a slow start are now atop the American League East. Normally, that would be bad enough, but It's only June, so almost five months of presidential political ads lay in my future. Say, any comets or meteorites in the forecast ??
+++ NOTE:: In reality the author does not actually wish an asteroid strike upon any foreign or domestic person, edifice, or organization.
Asteroids and Comets Explained
- Asteroids and Comets, Asteroids and Comets Information, Facts, News, Photos -- National Geographic
Get information, facts, photos, news, videos, and more about the asteroids and comets in our solar system from National Geographic.