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"Goodbye Little Dream"

Updated on November 7, 2013

“Contentiousness is not my thing!”

Nor is it mine and yet if I disagreed, raised concerns, made comments

That seemed uncharmed

“Contentious,” he called me

A love that had begun

With such power and prowess

Turned into something

I no longer understood

“Contentious,” he described me

For I had not responded in the way he had in mind

He said I had rejected his help, was a skeptic, always pessimistic

Needed to lighten up

That I was too prone to focus on one part of what he would say

Make a mountain out of a mole hill

Always inventing something to worry about

Something to get in the way

Now I feel as if I’ve been backed into a corner

Where nothing makes sense

Where there’s no order

Where all that once was is no longer

If only I think

As I have so many times before

Done things differently

When danced around the floor

Stayed the course

Not veered off

Not been my honest self

Played the game

Pretended all was fine

When it was not

Said yes to whatever

Kissed his proverbial lot

How I wish I had been stronger

Remembered how to fight

But wait, didn’t he say,

I am “contentious,” disagreeable, antagonistic and war-like

And that was not his “thing”

That he had to move on

That I did not meet the rules

For those he used

I no longer met the requirements

Needed to be his daily muse

I had been “contentious,” combative and querulous

Had blocked him from my life picture

Had been argumentative

Regarding our poetic plans

Had voiced an opinion

Not in jive with his

Oh yeah, I’ve been contentious

I’ve been fretful and fractious

I’ve wanted more than my fair share

Of his time he had one time given freely

What is wrong with me?

Why am I crabby, cranky and cross?

If he would reflect upon our goodbye

I think he would re-a-lize

Our connection could have been worth saving

For one who has felt warmth

Only to have it taken

Can become hardheaded, headstrong, head aching

Perhaps, I am contrary and disputatious

For allowing myself to be romanced

By an experienced romancer

Thinking he was different, not like all the rest

He tells me he is the best friend I have

I have a knack for pushing others away

I should be thankful for the attention he’s given me

I should feel blessed when he finds time in his day

To send me his observations

To hear his evaluations

Of all that I need to change

Like get out of my shell

That I am stuck in melancholia

I suffer because I create my own hell

If only I would get out of the house

Maybe I would be like him

Serious but always having fun

A pillar of a community

A man who finds ways

To occupy his time

A man on a mission

That made me think was also mine

But No! How can that be?

I am too “contentious” or so it would seem

Perhaps in the future when time has passed

He will look back and finally see

The one he was calling was never me

I was just the makeshift for his real dream

So I wish him well as he pursues

The one he’s loved all along

His foreign lover whom he discovered

The one he kissed like no other

Blessings to them both

May the cosmos reveal

Calling me the “contentious” one was just an excuse

To avoid what was always in his heart, but never in his truth

"Dancing Girl"

Source

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    • word55 profile image

      Word 3 years ago from Chicago

      Very expressive! As you travel the road to your destiny you will run into experiences like so but in the end it was discovered that the both of you were perhaps a misfit and must move on. When you first realized a problem you shouldn't overlook it but deal with it until resolved otherwise there is more hurt at the end. Thank you for sharing.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks for responding. Though mostly fictional, I have had these kind of situations before as most all of us. For some reason, this was what came out today when I finally felt like writing.

      Wishing you a great day,

      Kim

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Such a powerful aura to your words and show off just how talented you are. Voted up and wishing you a great day Kim.

      Eddy.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Eddy,

      You always make my day! Thank You!

      Kim

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I love your style, Kim! This flows so well, a rapid-fire emoting of emotions. This reminds me of a free-form style I use on occasion when I slip into my Beatnik mode of writing. Did I mention that I loved this? :)

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Bill,

      I love that someone loves my style! There is such a cathartic feeling when one finds one of those free-forming grooves...

      Thank You for being YOU!

      Kim

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      Wow! What a beautiful and powerful poem. What a relationship - yes, he sounds like he is looking for excuses. He certainly has a one-dimensional vision of the relationship. He doesn't stop to consider his actions may have caused her to be 'contentious.' Very well said and written!

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Suzette,

      Thanks for the "Wow!" and understanding where I was going with this piece. It was one of those that practically wrote itself. Smiles.

      Best Always,

      Kim

    • wetnosedogs profile image

      wetnosedogs 3 years ago from Alabama

      I liked this and was just getting mad at him. (I make this sound like I liked this cause it made me mad at him -but you know what I mean.)

      Great work.

    • Max Havlick profile image

      Max Havlick 3 years ago from Villa Park, Illinois

      Remarkable these courtly lines on many vibrant levels;

      such men, to court, are lying, consummate romancing devils!

      If we could find this courtly guy, we'd hang him without glory,

      but first, in court, we'd have to hear his own side of the story.

      Best wishes to Kim and all who suffer pangs of love,

      Thursday, Nov. 7, 2013, 10:45 p.m.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      wetnosedogs,

      Yes. If he were real, I would have my Jinga and my Bill bark at him. Maybe you could ask Roscoe and Bella to join in as well.

      Smiles,

      Kim

      Hi Max,

      Nice to see you. I hope you and Faye are doing well.

      Consummate romancing devil is right.

      And like you, I wish the best to all who suffer pangs of love.

      I guess it is up to the cosmos to determine if this kind of guy will hang without glory, or if one day he gets to share his story. Maybe I will write a poem from his point of view. I am sure he would say the woman is not only contentious but crazy, too.

      Wishing you both a great day,

      Kim

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 3 years ago from Reno NV

      Thank you Kym for this honest and powerful poem. Glad to see you on FB and I hope to hear from you soon. Jamie

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Hey Jamie,

      You noticed that I also spell my name with the "y." : )

      That change came about in high school because there were so many other girls named Kim. I wanted to be unique. Since so many of my FB buddies are former classmates, I stayed with the "y."

      Look forward to hearing from you, too.

      ocfireflies aka Kim aka Kym aka crazy person, etc...

    • Max Havlick profile image

      Max Havlick 3 years ago from Villa Park, Illinois

      The classmate "Crazy Kym" appropriately sums it up.

      I wonder who this high school girl will be when she grows up?!

      Max :)

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Whether it is or not it reads very emotional and very real...and very good. Up and sharing with my friends.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Jackie,

      I think there is always a part of us that has some kind of connection with that which we write: "Truth is stranger than fiction" or something like that... Thank you for the votes and the share. How much I appreciate your support.

      Many Blessings to You and Thank You for being YOU!

      Kim

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      Kim! Wow...tremendous work.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Max,

      Crazy is right. Still working on growing up. Smiles.

      Wayne,

      A "Wow" from you means a lot!

      Hope you are feeling better.

      Best Always,

      Kim

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 3 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      great work Kim.. love it .. you are na flower blooming ..expressing such beauty is a thing to admire

      Michael

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Michael,

      You are so kind. You make this middle-aged woman feel like she is not over the hill, yet.

      Appreciating You!

      Kim

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Wow, Kim, this is exceptional writing, very emotional and real! You are a writer extraordinaire to say the least. Thank you for sharing your great talent of writing here with us all.

      Loved this powerful write.

      Up and more and sharing

      Hugs,

      Faith Reaper

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Faith,

      Thank you for your ongoing encouragement. You always make my day.

      Thank you for being YOU!

      Many Blessings to you and your family,

      Kim

    • Max Havlick profile image

      Max Havlick 3 years ago from Villa Park, Illinois

      Kim, I can't help but read your view and write new poetry to you.

      As for your thought of writing a new po-em from his point of view,

      there is a business saying, "Only do what you know how to do!"

      And Shakespeare said, "This above all, to thine own self be true!"

      ---

      Your words have femininity enshrined and glowing thru and thru

      sig-nif-i-cant-ly bright, en-light-en-ing the men and women too.

      Few men or women, I suspect, however deeply studying the diff,

      will ever fully understand enough to overcome "condition if."

      ---

      It's good that you should even think of trying,

      but speaking from a male-man's point of view,

      I'd rather see the female side of you

      that has the many women in your fan-base mostly crying,

      and men who write endearingly to you forever trying.

      ---

      Max, with best wishes to all on a cold rainy Monday day in Chicago, Nov. 11, 2013 ("if it is not fun, it cannot be done").

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Max,

      As always I see you are having fun.

      And while I think it is true one should stick to the most part doing what s/he knows how to do, I also think one should never veer from stretching her poetic muscles which may require telling a tale from another's point of view.

      Hoping your rainy day turns into bright sunshine,

      Kim

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Thank you for the poetic journey Always be true to yourself

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      GRL,

      Thanks for going on the journey.

      Kim

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      kim, very interesting work! I agree with you, in order for us to grow, we must push ourselves beyond the comfort zone. Kudos to you for pushing the boundaries.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Jo,

      Everyone needs a kudos periodically. Thank you for giving me one of yours. Also, thanks for calling my little piece "very interesting work."

      Wishing you a great weekend,

      Kim

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow, Kim, this poem is fantastic. I read the comments and most things I would have said have already been covered. It does really seem like a reply to someone who has hurt you...and for that it is perfect. Has anyone actually called you "contentious"?

      Glad I found you. Voted up up and away.

    • ocfireflies profile image
      Author

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Jodah,

      Yes, I have been called contentious by one who is very close to me and has the ability to push my buttons which was the inspiration for this piece, but parts of the poem are fictional--included for rhyme or to keep the sense of indignation. Those who are close to us typically have the ability to get to us quicker than others. That is what I was attempting to demonstrate. Thanks for your ongoing support and terrific comments.

      So glad to have you here on HP!

      Kim

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Your pieces always hold a wonderful sense of emotional charge for me--and they flow so well--same here--so enjoyed this!

    • profile image

      ocfireflies 3 years ago

      Thanks Audrey! I appreciate the kind words.

      Blessings,

      Kim

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