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Quotes by Mark Twain

Updated on February 22, 2014

Mark Twain ~ America's Most Famous Literary Icon

Samuel Langhorne Clemens was born on November 30, 1835 in a small town in Missouri by the name of Florida. At the age of four, Samuel's family moved to Hannibal, a port city along the banks of the Mississippi. Hannibal was frequented day and night by steam boats arriving from St. Louis and New Orleans.

After the death of his father when Samuel was twelve, he quit school to become a printer's apprentice at the age of thirteen, and worked at this job a couple of years. He became a printer and editorial assistant for his brother, Orion, at his newspaper at the age of fifteen. This is where he discovered his love for writing.

At seventeen Samuel accepted a printer's job in St. Louis. While living in St. Louis, he became a river pilot's apprentice, and a licensed river pilot in 1858. Samuel Clemens' pseudonym, Mark Twain , is a river term which means that is safe to navigate.

Mark Twain, America's most famous literary icon, gave us 28 books and numerous short stories, letters and sketches. A very wise, and humorous man also gave us some great quotes about life, love, work, and many other aspects of life....

Chihuahua vs. Lab

Mark Twain Quotes

~ When in doubt tell the truth.~

~ Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. ~

~ Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. ~

~ Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. ~

~ Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. ~

~ All generalizations are false, including this one. ~

~ Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. ~

~ Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~

~ Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.~

~ Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.~

~ All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure. ~

~ A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. ~

~ To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. ~

~ Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~

~ There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~

~ What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. ~

~ Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. ~

~ Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~

~ The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.~

~ I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. ~

~ The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. ~

~ The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~

~ Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. ~

~ Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. ~

~ George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. ~

~ What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. ~

~ Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. ~


~ Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. ~

~ A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. ~

~ Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. ~

~ A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. ~

~ A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. ~

~ A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. ~

~ Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. ~


        ~ Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. ~

Disneyland ~ Mark Twain
Disneyland ~ Mark Twain

~ There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. ~

Life, Love, and More....

~ Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ~

~ Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. ~

~ When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. ~

~ By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. ~

~ Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. ~

~ When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. ~

~ Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ~

~ When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. ~

~ Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. ~

~ The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. ~

~ The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. ~

~ Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. ~

Quotes to Ponder....

~ It is easier to stay out than get out. ~

~ The lack of money is the root of all evil. ~

~ Buy land, they're not making it anymore. ~

~ Better a broken promise than none at all. ~

~ Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. ~

~ Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. ~

~ Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.~

~ If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. ~

~ You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. ~

~ Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. ~

~ It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. ~

~ It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. ~

~ There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. ~

~ Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~

~ Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~

~ Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ~

~ Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. ~

~ Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~

~ Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. ~

~ 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. ~

~ Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul. ~

~ Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. ~

~ Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.~

Do's & Dont's

~ Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. ~

~ Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.~

~ Don't let schooling interfere with your education. ~

~ Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. ~

~ Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. ~

~ Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~

~ Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. ~

Mark Twain House
Mark Twain House


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    • nikkidog profile image


      7 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      I love your quotes and such a great variety, thanks so much for sharing!


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