- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing
Grifter's Rants - Traffic
I Think I'm Losing my Mind
I think I really am. Family, sex, friends, heavy drinking, any kind of habit often keeps me from thinking. I'm currently trying to save money to start reviewing a house purchase, so lately I haven't had many distractions, and its a problem. Without a habit or distraction, you notice & judge everything like an a'hole.
I should just get married so I can stop thinking and being an a'hole. =P
When every action grates on your nerves it builds up mountains inside. Higher and higher it packs, summits and peaks of judgment and reproach. It gets so high, the weight, it can't support the whole. It cracks, rock-slides ensue, boulders of anger, hate, and frustration, crushing anything in its trajectory.
Something as simple as traffic........
Right-of-Way, get it over with. Done. WTF are you waiting for?
Why the hell do I always go first when someone pulls up to a stop to the right of me? I don't want to go first, I want you to go first because you ARE first! GTFO SO I CAN GO!!! I have a lot of places to be so I can do absolutely nothing in the long run =P.
But the waiting game ensues, surely they know they have the right to go first, why aren't they moving? Alright I guess I'll go first but I have to do it super slow to make sure they're not even further a dipshit and hit me.
I should be happy I'm extended gifts from these courteous drivers but no, I want them to go so I don't be a dipshit to the driver behind me, waiting, watching two retards now both not moving.
Can't have no horns being honked at your boy. A few dirty mirror looks starts fights these days -_-
WTF Is Up With Freeway Onramps?
You should be going at least 55mph by the time you enter the freeway. That's it. 65mph is preferable but I can't be pushing anyone too hard here, animal rights and all that.
So, on the normal roads we got pinche-weys that'll get you in a wreck already, the freeway just adds a little more speed. Probably not as many wrecks as in normal roads, but braking on the freeway is worth a rant =).
If I enter a freeway going 45mph it increases the chance of some douchebag running into me. Or its going to trigger said bag to switch lanes and cut off someone else and then that guy might just have a way shorter fuse than I.
Road Rage is the worst. I remember my friend's dad losing his shit once and tailing the guy that cut him off. Seems kind of pointless, we weren't going anywhere special.
Crappy Lane Hoppers
Lane hoppers totally piss me off, but they also can be super enjoyable to watch.
They're voted most likely to cut you off or merge into your car in an accident. (polled myself, don't poll yourself without proper consent)
Navigating traffic efficiently is all about strategy. You can't hop from lane to lane trying to pass everyone, that's just not going to work babycakes.
Every lane has unique behavior, it takes deep forethought to navigate both efficiently and speedily. (a.k.a. overthinking traffic like a bored douchebag)
You can almost never take the right lane unless its super clear ahead of you. Lane-hopping into the right lane right as someone makes a right turn, yeah you'll always feel like a moron for that one and probably end up breaking hard then flooring the gas to catch back up, even to maybe do it again.
Leftmost lanes also have a danger, not really for left turns as much as dipshits slowing down to make left turns, even though they may have a line to do that IN.
Center lane is often fuller than the other two lanes, which begins the hop-fest.
Don't F&*( Up My Gas Consumption
It's a science. Mass, acceleration, force, power, Newton, physics, momentum, fancy words for a sellsword.
I already feel like a dipshit for using a gas vehicle when I know other methods are available, and even possibly held back from mass production, conspiracies!. Now I have to burn even more gas because people don't drive attentively so I have to actually use my brakes.
I can actually drive almost all the way to work without using my brakes when people aren't in the way. I only ever have to brake coming up to a red light if people are behind me and I don't want to be a douche idling to the red light. Never have to brake unless people pull in front of me instead of going to a clear lane.
So anyway, the goal in the vehicle department is obviously alternative energy or less travel, I can't be going 10 miles back and forth by bike again, that gets old fast. A combination of both would be double sweet, work from home & alternative energy vehicle. Or instant transmission (dbz).
Damn I overthink this sheeeyut.
Move your ass! Ok wait, I'm sorry.
Alright, when I was a kid I was hit by a car while being an idiot and hauling ass down my driveway on my bike without looking both ways before I came out onto the street. I respect the shit out of traffic.
It blows my mind the kids nowadays (old man rant), without the famous "car" yell and get out of the street technique.
Every second a pedestrian is in the street there is a higher chance to be hit by? SURVEY SAYS?! a dipshit.
Plus I have hardcore ADHD or something so I hate waiting for things.
My deep, deep compassion for impatience, extends to others.
When I was a street-runner making my ways to school and back in the mean streets of Vegas (ha!), you come across these "streets" and "crosswalks", as the aboriginees called them.
Jogging through the crosswalk is the ticket.
One of these days you're gonna be hit for going too slow in the crosswalk OR for crossing too fast, either way, your fate is sealed. (see upcoming article: "Your Fate is Sealed: A Love Story")
Exiting Public Driveways and Whatnot
Don't exit a driveway in the middle of the damn thing, wtf?
At the apartments I stay at, people routinely leave in the middle of the exit, it blows my mind. They don't design these shits to be spacious. They design them to be cheap with the space....."efficient" i say!
Don't pull out..............in the middle of an exit......traffic I mean.
Obvious 2-Way Streets
It's obviously a 2-way street, you don't need lines to see the division of the road.....and that people temporarily park on the side occasionally. MAYBE it's a right-turn only lane at best.
Eating fajitas is comforting, peppers and onions are amazing. I dig these crappy drawings I made.
The specific road I mention is Wynn Rd., and it gets way worse heading towards Spring Mountain. Nothing racist about that, its true. =o
Bad designs I say!
I probably just need to:
- get laid
- get drunk
- practice Buddhism
- practice Nihilism
- all of the above
- none of the above, make a grilled cheese.
THE END! Definitely room for expansion. I need to rant about work too, I'm definitely an a'hole there lol.