Guest Blog by Your Office Manager
Also, who moved this paper clip?
Memo #465: To all Staff
Re: Placement of pencils in office pencil cup
I have noticed of late that SOMEONE has not been paying proper attention to the manner in which pencils are being placed into the communal pencil cup. As you all should have read in the memos numbered 5, 7.4 (parts b and d), 12, and 35, it is of crucial import that the pencils should be organized by size--smallest to largest--when they are placed in the cup. The smallest pencil should arise perpendicularly to Ziggy's left eye on the outside of pencil cup (I remind you that it was at the request of staff that we start using a "Ziggy" coffee cup for a pencil cup...I hope you all appreciate my efforts to encourage staff comments, and to foster a happy work atmosphere). From there, the pencils should be arranged with the next tallest one, and then the next tallest one, and so forth and so on, until the pencils work their way around the cup and meet the aforementioned smallest pencil. Should another pencil cup be needed to accommodate all of the office pencils, please see Mildred in the supply department (see Memo #242: The Process for Supply Requisitioning, and also Memo 167: Questions Employees Should Ask Themselves When Trying to Decide if a Supply Is, in Fact, Needed, or if You Can Just Do Without).
Also in an effort to improve morale (which for some reason has seemed rather low lately) I have placed a bottle of hand sanitizer next to the Ziggy pencil cup. I would ask each employee to use hand sanitizer to clean off the pencil you have just used before you replace it in the cup (see Memo 24: Use of Hand Sanitizer around the Office and on Office Supplies, and I remind you that one drop of hand sanitizer is all that is needed. Hand sanitizer does cost money.) I say this is a matter of morale because, as everyone knows, it is hard to have an upbeat morale when you are fighting a sickness that was transferred to you from a fellow employee that did not take the time to sanitize!
In that same vein, many of you have been using sick days lately, which is the subject of a forthcoming memo (to be sent out today at approximately 2:12 p.m.). Another future memo will be in regards to the "want-ads" section of my morning newspaper, which seems to be disappearing every day lately.