Guest final exam by someone who slept through history class all semester
What class is this, again?
The Huns were in charge of, like, the whole world or something. At least until Napoleon took them over. Then the pilgrims sent him, by train (because he invented the train, so it was, like, ironing or something), to the island of Elbow. He escaped and went to Delaware, where he tacked up a bunch of stuff on a church door or something. I think they were like fan letters to the Pope or something.
The Pope got all mad. He told Marie Antoinette all about Napoleon the Hun and she chopped his head off, or was gonna, but the ship he was on hit an iceberg, or something. So she chopped off Christopher Columbus’ head instead, ‘cause he and Napoleon were best buds. But then King James got all mad, so he decided to write a Bible. And he told Marie Antoinette, hey, stop chopping off dudes’ heads!
And his Bible was all popular, and he went around the world to sell it, like a book tour, you know? And my grandma had one, that was, like, autographed by one of the apostles, I think. And he met Abraham Lincoln when he was on his world tour, and they were best buds. I mean, who doesn’t like Abraham Lincoln? It seems like he would have been a pretty cool dude, except for that whole Bay of Pigs thingie. Vegetarians might hate him for that, I guess, because of the pig drowning thing.
Anyway, so then King James started World War II. Jerk.