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HEAVEN KNOWS - A Short Story (Retraining & Adjustments)

Updated on February 1, 2014
Historians are welcome in Heaven, some anyway.
Historians are welcome in Heaven, some anyway. | Source

There is a certain schedule to life here in Heaven...


There is a certain schedule to life here in Heaven, and it's broken up only by the weather. The fact that we have a variable weather shouldn't surprise our newcomers, because after all the farmers need the rain.

But somehow our newcomers almost always expect golden sunny days with soft breezes and temperatures stagnant at 72 degrees Fahrenheit.

Most newcomers also have a misconception about whether or not we work in Heaven. They seem to have forgotten those comments they made on Earth, such as:

"It keeps me out of trouble."

"It's good for the soul."

"All he had was his work."

"Thank God, I've got a good job!"

"She enjoys her work. It's a real blessing!"

"I wish I'd never retired!"

"His work was his life. He did it religiously."

Granted, there are lots of folks for whom their work on Earth was a drudge, a bore, a sacrifice of their real talents and abilities. But here in Heaven, with any job to choose from and salary no factor, and with the best personnel placement and counseling staff ever created---, well, folks here usually find something they are comfortable with and which is satisfying to them.

Surprisingly, most jobs are service-oriented, but some service-oriented jobs that existed on Earth don't exist here, and those people have to be retrained. These include such things as people who want to continue jobs with a penal system, the Red Cross and Red Crescent, or The Salvation Army.

Church people are retrained too, and usually become historians and novelists with an "I told you so!" approach.

As for me, I've presently chosen to be a McDonald's cashier, but the MvcDonalds here are different.

Ever since the Catholics on Earth decided that animals have no souls, and that there are no animals in Heaven, we've had to accept their sensitivites and serve vegetable protein "Big Macs" with french fires, while eliminating cheeseburgers and even filets of fish (even on Fridays!)

This latter point is a sore one with folks. After all, most folks had pets they expected to find in Heaven, and many of us spent a lot of time fishing (not to mention...and we don't...hunting.) It means complete job training for all the newcomers associated with animals. It also disappointed those equestrian-minded persons, especially those who thought that, if they ever made it to Heaven, they would finally be permitted to bet on a horse race!

Incidentally, advertising geniuses had to go through "reorientation" to abandon such no longer meaningful phrases as: "just divine," "Heavenly aroma," "lifetime guarantee," and "down to Earth prices." One thought of replacing that last one with "Sky high prices," but that was frowned upon.


(c) 2011 Demas W. Jasper All rights reserved.

Note: This is one of five or more "Heaven Knows" short stories you can enjoy here on HubPages. If they don't bring a chuckle, they may make you think.



Fiction (or is it?) about Heaven....

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    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is an interesting, imaginative and very enjoyable story! Thank you for sharing it.

    • Rosie2010 profile image

      Rosie Rose 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Hiya Perspycacious, what a fun read. I used to work as a receptionist, so I guess I could work at Welcome Wagon. Very imaginative and entertaining. Voted up. Cheers!

      Have a nice day,

      Rosie

    • lone77star profile image

      Rod Martin Jr 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      A delightful little story! Very creative and funny, to boot.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      "Incidentally, advertising geniuses had to go through "reorientation" to abandon such no longer meaningful phrases as: "just divine," "Heavenly aroma," "lifetime guarantee," and "down to Earth prices." One thought of replacing that last one with "Sky high prices," but that was frowned upon"

      LOL A very entertaining read.

      I believe animals do have souls and do go to heaven.

    • Perspycacious profile image
      Author

      Demas W Jasper 3 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Grateful appreciation is extended to the 35 who read this Hub and made a total of 6 scored entries, and especially the four of you who took time to add your welcomed comments. More of this HEAVEN KNOWS Series are forthcoming. Thanks.

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