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HIGH COST OF CHILDCARE- more parents are turning to alternate means like raising the dead to cut cost

Updated on June 24, 2015

A few dollars at the morgue can get a loved one released to you, no questions asked

Childcare rising cost

A recent government study stated that 13 million children younger than age 7 are in some form of child care in the USA. Childcare often exceeds the cost of Netflix, housing, college tuition, smoking, transportation, recreational drug use or food for the typical American family.

In the same government study it also found through scientific breakthroughs that the early years are a unique period of brain development and early experiences form the foundation for future success. Due to these findings child care in this country must be high-quality, available and affordable for young families. The problem is in todays fast pace society with the economy in recovery and both parents trying to stretch a dollar there is just not enough money for good child care outside the home.

Now trending across America is the new form of childcare of raising the dead after the recent death of a love one eliminating the cost of an expensive burial plus gaining the advantage of a live in nanny that require no food, medical cost or entertainment expenses. All in all a win, win situation.

Trending across America

Have you ever thought of raising the dead to cut childcare cost?

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2 Different alternatives facing parents

Plan A, so called Frankenstein method

As reported by NBC reporter Mary Shelley 1818 that Doctor Victor Frankenstein had finally completed his research in raising the dead and was successful in raising from the dead his Uncle Frank after he was savagely torn apart by hunting dogs.

Doctor Frankenstein perfected what is now called the running stitch in sewing his poor Uncle Frank back together. The good Doctor laid his Uncle in an ice cave while he was doing more research on his "lightning origin of life theory"

This theory that was new at the time was all about using lightning as the hand of God to spark life into dead tissue. Doctor Frankenstein from his laboratory in Castle Frankenstein high up on a mountain to be closer to the heavens and the life giving spark of lightning was to be the first but not the last one to use this method in raising the dead. Doctor Frankenstein was the very first to raise a corpse of a loved from the dead for childcare for his daughter. His wife Elizabeth with more free time was able to spend more time being the good wife of a prominent scientist.

The exact moment that Uncle Frank is brought back from the dead

Cost free childcare

Hand of God lightning is readily available now

The good news for parents today is that you do not need a castle on top of a mountain, nor do you have to wait for a severe thunder and lightning storm like Doctor Frankenstein had to do back in his day.

The hand of God lightning is readily available in the form of high power generators at such stores such as Lowes, Home Depot or shipped to your door by Amazon.com. If you have Amazon Prime you also get free delivery and 2 day shipping. In as little as 2 days you can raise your own loved one to meet the childcare needs of your family.

Some parents have turned to using Voodoo to raise the dead to cut childcare cost

One of the very first Voodoo childcare workers

A recent loved one just raised from the dead using the Voodoo method

Plan B using the Voodoo method

Raising the dead using the Voodoo method has its origin in Haiti and was perfected on or around the year 1937 by a famous Voodoo priestess named Minerva.

There remains considerable skepticism about Minerva claims, and opinions remain divided as to the veracity of her work, although there is wide recognition among the Haitian people of the existence of the "zombie drug". But according to some recent reports of parents having used this method of raising of the dead, they are quite pleased with the results. One parent was quoted as saying "After Grandma Mary was raised from the dead in our attempt to cut childcare cost for our twin boys we could not be more pleased", "After getting used to the smell of Grandma we decided we liked her more this way than when she was alive".

After reading this in the "Voodoo Doll Spellbook", "There also exists within the voudon tradition the zombi astral which is a human soul that is captured by a bokor and used to enhance the bokor's power." I still do not have a clue how this is done other than the use of some secret drugs and potions readily available in most New Orleans Voodoo stores and can be shipped right to your door. Just ask for the low cost Voodoo Zombie starter kit.


Caught on security footage Uncle Frank throwing great niece into the pond

Raising from the dead childcare safe?

If you as a parent are asking yourself is this type of raising from the dead childcare safe? New government reports have come out in recent times, stating the fact yes it is safe. Safer than dropping your kids off at a franchise style daycare. Let's look at the facts your child will not be around other kids that have germs and sickness almost eliminating passing some sickness on to your loved ones. You can go to work knowing that your children will not be subject to colds, flu or the bubonic plague. Your child in the care of a loved one raised from the dead is safe from any germs because your raised from the dead child care worker is all ready dead and germs cannot live on or in dead tissue. Because your children will not be around other kids and is not going to be bullied and shoved off the swing set or knocked down playing ball there will be less chance of costly medical bills due to cuts and abrasions. As stated earlier in this article with the low cost of this type of raising from the dead childcare it is a win, win scenario.

That being said this was not always the case, way back in the day when rising from the dead childcare technology was in its infancy there was some hard learned lessons. One of the many things that Doctor Frankenstein found out was his Uncle Frank brain had been damaged which created some setbacks. A Short time after being raised from the dead Uncle Frank tried to drown his great niece while he was babysitting.

Because of the above mentioned incident all brain tissue is now completely destroyed, leaving a mindless caregiver that has no will of their own and makes the perfect childcare specialist.


Mickey Rourke

Raising of the dead childcare for the rich and famous

If money is not an issue in your household and you are looking for the thing that sets you aside from the other members of your country club a new company has just become a member of the "Fortune 500 Club" called "Celebrity Childcare". Celebrity Childcare has been in the market of buying recently deceased celebrities and raising them from the dead to give you bragging rights in your neighborhood of these very unique and one of a kind celebrity nannies of child care.

Looking through their catalog of recent raised from the dead celebrities it is a who's, who of Hollywood and the world of music.

Mick Jagger

Even though he is not dead yet you can pre order Steven Tyler

In todays society raising the dead childcare is not only acceptable but cost effective

Final thought

It is my hope that this article has given you the knowledge and insight to try this new cost effective means of childcare not only for your children, but also for you in giving you peace of mind for providing the utmost care that can be given to your children at 90 percent less of the cost of normal childcare.

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    • Jonas Rodrigo profile image

      Jonas Rodrigo 2 years ago

      Wow! The title struck me as it was very unusual; I easily got curious. Reading your hub was an entirely new experience. I have never heard of this practice before.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Kurt, this is such an original idea for a hub. I found it hilarious and was entertained throughout. Voted up and shared.

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