ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

HIGH COST OF CHILDCARE- more parents are turning to alternate means like raising the dead to cut cost

Updated on June 24, 2015

A few dollars at the morgue can get a loved one released to you, no questions asked

Childcare rising cost

A recent government study stated that 13 million children younger than age 7 are in some form of child care in the USA. Childcare often exceeds the cost of Netflix, housing, college tuition, smoking, transportation, recreational drug use or food for the typical American family.

In the same government study it also found through scientific breakthroughs that the early years are a unique period of brain development and early experiences form the foundation for future success. Due to these findings child care in this country must be high-quality, available and affordable for young families. The problem is in todays fast pace society with the economy in recovery and both parents trying to stretch a dollar there is just not enough money for good child care outside the home.

Now trending across America is the new form of childcare of raising the dead after the recent death of a love one eliminating the cost of an expensive burial plus gaining the advantage of a live in nanny that require no food, medical cost or entertainment expenses. All in all a win, win situation.

Trending across America

Have you ever thought of raising the dead to cut childcare cost?

See results

2 Different alternatives facing parents

Plan A, so called Frankenstein method

As reported by NBC reporter Mary Shelley 1818 that Doctor Victor Frankenstein had finally completed his research in raising the dead and was successful in raising from the dead his Uncle Frank after he was savagely torn apart by hunting dogs.

Doctor Frankenstein perfected what is now called the running stitch in sewing his poor Uncle Frank back together. The good Doctor laid his Uncle in an ice cave while he was doing more research on his "lightning origin of life theory"

This theory that was new at the time was all about using lightning as the hand of God to spark life into dead tissue. Doctor Frankenstein from his laboratory in Castle Frankenstein high up on a mountain to be closer to the heavens and the life giving spark of lightning was to be the first but not the last one to use this method in raising the dead. Doctor Frankenstein was the very first to raise a corpse of a loved from the dead for childcare for his daughter. His wife Elizabeth with more free time was able to spend more time being the good wife of a prominent scientist.

The exact moment that Uncle Frank is brought back from the dead

Cost free childcare

Hand of God lightning is readily available now

The good news for parents today is that you do not need a castle on top of a mountain, nor do you have to wait for a severe thunder and lightning storm like Doctor Frankenstein had to do back in his day.

The hand of God lightning is readily available in the form of high power generators at such stores such as Lowes, Home Depot or shipped to your door by Amazon.com. If you have Amazon Prime you also get free delivery and 2 day shipping. In as little as 2 days you can raise your own loved one to meet the childcare needs of your family.

Some parents have turned to using Voodoo to raise the dead to cut childcare cost

One of the very first Voodoo childcare workers

A recent loved one just raised from the dead using the Voodoo method

Plan B using the Voodoo method

Raising the dead using the Voodoo method has its origin in Haiti and was perfected on or around the year 1937 by a famous Voodoo priestess named Minerva.

There remains considerable skepticism about Minerva claims, and opinions remain divided as to the veracity of her work, although there is wide recognition among the Haitian people of the existence of the "zombie drug". But according to some recent reports of parents having used this method of raising of the dead, they are quite pleased with the results. One parent was quoted as saying "After Grandma Mary was raised from the dead in our attempt to cut childcare cost for our twin boys we could not be more pleased", "After getting used to the smell of Grandma we decided we liked her more this way than when she was alive".

After reading this in the "Voodoo Doll Spellbook", "There also exists within the voudon tradition the zombi astral which is a human soul that is captured by a bokor and used to enhance the bokor's power." I still do not have a clue how this is done other than the use of some secret drugs and potions readily available in most New Orleans Voodoo stores and can be shipped right to your door. Just ask for the low cost Voodoo Zombie starter kit.


Caught on security footage Uncle Frank throwing great niece into the pond

Raising from the dead childcare safe?

If you as a parent are asking yourself is this type of raising from the dead childcare safe? New government reports have come out in recent times, stating the fact yes it is safe. Safer than dropping your kids off at a franchise style daycare. Let's look at the facts your child will not be around other kids that have germs and sickness almost eliminating passing some sickness on to your loved ones. You can go to work knowing that your children will not be subject to colds, flu or the bubonic plague. Your child in the care of a loved one raised from the dead is safe from any germs because your raised from the dead child care worker is all ready dead and germs cannot live on or in dead tissue. Because your children will not be around other kids and is not going to be bullied and shoved off the swing set or knocked down playing ball there will be less chance of costly medical bills due to cuts and abrasions. As stated earlier in this article with the low cost of this type of raising from the dead childcare it is a win, win scenario.

That being said this was not always the case, way back in the day when rising from the dead childcare technology was in its infancy there was some hard learned lessons. One of the many things that Doctor Frankenstein found out was his Uncle Frank brain had been damaged which created some setbacks. A Short time after being raised from the dead Uncle Frank tried to drown his great niece while he was babysitting.

Because of the above mentioned incident all brain tissue is now completely destroyed, leaving a mindless caregiver that has no will of their own and makes the perfect childcare specialist.


Mickey Rourke

Raising of the dead childcare for the rich and famous

If money is not an issue in your household and you are looking for the thing that sets you aside from the other members of your country club a new company has just become a member of the "Fortune 500 Club" called "Celebrity Childcare". Celebrity Childcare has been in the market of buying recently deceased celebrities and raising them from the dead to give you bragging rights in your neighborhood of these very unique and one of a kind celebrity nannies of child care.

Looking through their catalog of recent raised from the dead celebrities it is a who's, who of Hollywood and the world of music.

Mick Jagger

Even though he is not dead yet you can pre order Steven Tyler

In todays society raising the dead childcare is not only acceptable but cost effective

Final thought

It is my hope that this article has given you the knowledge and insight to try this new cost effective means of childcare not only for your children, but also for you in giving you peace of mind for providing the utmost care that can be given to your children at 90 percent less of the cost of normal childcare.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Jonas Rodrigo profile image

      Jonas Rodrigo 

      3 years ago

      Wow! The title struck me as it was very unusual; I easily got curious. Reading your hub was an entirely new experience. I have never heard of this practice before.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Kurt, this is such an original idea for a hub. I found it hilarious and was entertained throughout. Voted up and shared.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)