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HOT AND FUNNY JOKES

Updated on July 9, 2011

You love jokes right?

I know you love jokes, they make you laugh, and you know what? Laughing is very good…it makes you younger…the more you laugh and smile, the more your cheek bones get some relaxation, which do help them stay fit, unlike when you cry or frown, the cheek bones squeeze with lots of contraction, giving them much more job and hence, they get weak and tired with time. Therefore, I would suggest you do everything you can to smile when necessary. This is why you see comedy industry flourishing in every part of the world today- even in developing countries, comedians are big shots now, unlike in the oldies, who cares to pay some huge amount of money just to laugh? So make sure you pay me indirectly when you finish reading this article, because you are going to laugh off you’re a*s.

Okay, over here, and please give me a minute let me finish feeding these male Gorillas, they eat a lot, especially at winter…you silly thing…get off me please, am not ready to play with you now..omg!! don’t mind me dear, its this freaky female Baboon, she likes playing with my manhood, silly thing…okay what was I saying before that interruption? Oh I remember, that girl at the cinema right?

Joke number one:

This guy was sitting beside this pretty damsel…eish, so inviting to say, don’t blame the poor guy. He has been looking for a way to talk to this pretty gem, finally, here comes an opportunity…he mistakenly and intentionally touched her to draw her attention…oh so bad to distract an angel consumed in a horror movie…tasha!…she slapped him, the sound was so loud it drew the attention of almost the entire viewers at the cinema hall, sharp guy…if you dare stare at me again, I will slap you again…raising his voice too high that it can be heard by a def…woo! The crowd murmured , the girl became so confused she burst into an uncontrollable laughter….she didn’t know when she fell into the guy’s body…and he was caressing her slowly as he smiled at the crowd…a dream come true huh?

Joke number two

I never knew I was a damn freak till the very day I saw these two stunning cuties at a fast food restaurant, sitting like they hardly use the rest room (toilet I mean). I can’t let this pass me by, who said I was the pope, not some nowadays reverend uncles…they change the tone of sermon to suit the most beautiful girl in the congregation, may be I am a monk, if the real ones still exist.

I walked up to their table…and my heart was beating like the 13th century German locomotive train…smuggling arms to a lost frontier, I said a prayer: Lord forgive me, let me have only this one, and after I will come back to you, I will confess to you, everything we did, I will tell my reverend uncle, just grant my request else…I won’t pay tithe again…tithe? My second self screamed, nope, I mean offering.

Shaking all through like a world record breaker in boxing, who just got knocked out of the ring and now suffering from a Parkinson disease…hi, I wrestled to say…I like you, can i…before I could finish, the other girl (not the one I melted for), brushed in…thanks and please, “sorry we don’t fu*k”, the other girl was amazed at her statement she sparked..why did you say that Jeni?...(thank pope this helped me discover the name for my bedroom job)…Alice, that’s where he’s landing…all of em, that’s where they land. I didn’t leave disappointed, at least I succeeded, Alice is my girl, I have her name and a glimpse of her face to finish the job in my bedroom. I got home, and got into work: oh..oh...Alice...faster…slow…eish..easy…. Thank you freaks.

Joke number three

A lady was bathing her 5 year old daughter, and she kept crying, because she told mom she didn’t want to go to Sunday school that evening…but mom insisted, thank the Archibishop of Canterbury for including the Sunday school, it did helped mom discover an interesting thing today. Honey, spread your legs…mom hardly bathes her, until this day, she did spread her legs as she continued crying. Mom mistakenly scrubbed the sponge around her female power house, baby moaned; eishh…eishh, and started laughing…mom do it again please? Mom asked why? Its sweet mom…its tickling me sweet…please do it again mom? Mom stood with mouth agape! But thank nature, she can at least feel it…

Joke number four

4 year old Billy suddenly burst into mom’s room, and guess what? He found dad lying on top of mom’s clothless body, he wasn’t surprised but excited anyway…it was a beautiful scene for a novice like spoilt Billy. Dad what’s that for? Billy go away I am coming to show you…show me what dad? What i am doing…no dad why are you moving up and down on mom’s body? Okay Billy, I am teaching mom how to do a room press up…okay, let me come over and try? No, not now…Dad please…they taught us in school today. What did they taught you in school? How to do a press up, allow me to try for once…I will press faster than you dad…Silly boy!

Joke number five

Bonnie and his friend were standing at a corner around the campus, he kept looking in one direction for a long period, so Bonnie decided to find out what he was looking at…guess what? A damsel..again, he thought inside him? Bonnie’s friend touched him and said, look at that pretty girl over there, she has been staring at me for over 30 minutes now, I am going for her…good luck Bonnie whispered.

He got there and said, hi…the girl looked him from head to toe and walked away without altering a word in reply…he tried chasing after her…she ignored him. So he came back and said…girls of nowadays are crazy…why was she staring at me like that for long?...Bonnie replied….oh now i remember, I saw that girl at the zoo yesterday, may be you resembled one of the Chimpanzees she saw there…are you mad he replied? Hey…I am sure…you look like one, may be… Guys, please check out your look before you go approach a damsel..staring at you freaks.

You know what? I am not going to let you laugh to death…to avoid being arraigned in a court for gang up and conspiracy…but if you had love to laugh the more, then drop me a comment, permitting me to give you a painless death, at least that will protect me from the law.

Okay, let me get back to the zoo, before the tigers go angry and start to mate with the Gorillas, I don’t think we are ready to handle the outcome of their cross breeding right now…the world has so much troubles at hand to handle…to mention but the outcome of a tiger mating with a Gorilla or a Chimp. Thank you guys, I love you, I love hubpages and merry xmas.

But hey…don’t go killing innocent fowls and turkeys in the name of xmas, Christ died some many years back, so don’t join hands again in murdering him the second time, by committing murder…if you do, straight to hell, and please I beg you, allow other families to get a representative in hell, at least your family have one…your grandpa and may be granny are well representatives..i thank bishop, he endorsed my grandpa’s train to that imaginary home for the witches. I am off here…catch you.

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    • accofranco profile imageAUTHOR

      accofranco 

      6 years ago from L Island

      @manto, please can you write your comment in English please? Thank you...As i look forward to hearing from you soonest!

    • profile image

      manto 

      6 years ago

      bati man ka u na inyong mga joke oip

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