ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Shinedown Helped Me to Not Give Up on Life

Updated on September 23, 2012

Have You Ever Thought About Giving Up On Life?

This post is part of a writers challenge series- Truths.

This has always been a hard topic for me to discuss. I feel like there is a fine line between thinking about giving up on life and suicide. Then, those who think about suicide and actually walk down that path.

I have thought about giving up on life. If you have read any of my twenty-five previous posts of the thirty-one truths than maybe you can understand a little bit about why I might feel the way I do.

There are a lot of things in my life that were bad. Bad things happened to a little girl that caused her to view the world completely different than most kids her age.

Things that happen to a person in life tend to mold them into the adult they are. Depending on what happened will depend on how the development of that child will grow, or even if it will grow at all.

My issues caused me to grow up rather quickly and shut the world around me off.

I tend to go numb. I don’t feel. I do have feelings and they get hurt quite easily I have built a wall up around me so that people can’t come in to hurt me, and I don’t let anyone see me.

In the last year I have developed a coat of arms, my new defense is crying. I try to hide it when I can, making sure to always keep on the mask.

Life is easier that way.

But sometimes I have to take that mask off for some around me. Along with the mask comes down the guard and it usually ends in disaster.

I don’t sit around thinking about how I want to die and plotting the ways to do it. I have never attempted suicide; however I have used piercing needles and razors to stab/cut myself just to remind myself that the pain is real and that despite the numbness in my life, I still feel.

In the last three years that has happened one time. Prior to that, often, and I dealt with it in therapy.

Hours pass by when I think about how life would be like for others around me if I was no longer here. I wonder how their life would go on, how long it would take them to get over me and move on. I want to give up on the life I lead, because it is not going the way it should. But, I can’t think about suicide. It scares me too much.

Then reality hits and I am back to running in a million different directions.

I have the music of Shinedown to thank for that.

Yes, it's really me. It's a tat all based on Shinedown songs and getting through life.
Yes, it's really me. It's a tat all based on Shinedown songs and getting through life. | Source


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Barbara Kay profile image

      Barbara Badder 

      8 years ago from USA

      Don't give up. Keep on with therapy and eventually life will get better. Our family lost a loved one due to suicide and you can't imagine how much it hurts the ones you leave behind.

      You are such a beautiful girl, you write well and I'm sure you have many other attributes that I don't know about. Don't waste your young years. Keep at it with therapy and see if the doctor has a med that will help you do better.

      I wish you a better life and I care and will pray for you.

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 

      8 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      Well, I never have thought about giving up. I always have had someone depending on me and cannot let them down. To me, giving up would be putting myself first and that is not an option. You are right. One's childhood does affect us greatly. We can let it become a crutch or a lever up and over. I choose the latter and you probably do too.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)