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The Dog Ate the Meat and Died

Updated on September 17, 2012

This is not my original work. It is a story I heard many years ago. I just think it is funny.

An affluent businessman that was away on a lengthy business trip came home recently to his palatial estate. His personal assistant, Ron, met him on the front lawn as he drove up.

‘Hey Ron!” the businessman shouted, “How is everything?”

“Everything is fine, but…oh yeah, your dog died.” The assistant replied somewhat somberly.

“Ol’ Roscoe? He’s dead?” The man was shocked. “Why? What happened to him?”

“He ate the meat from the dead horse that was in the barn, he got sick and he died.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

Your dead horse.” Ron replied. “He got burned up in the fire, and the dog ate the meat from it and he died.”

“What fire?”

“The barn fire.” Ron’s speech was getting a little terse.

“How did the barn catch on fire?” The man’s words were becoming terse as well.

“The sparks from the house.” Ron retorted.

“Sparks from the house?”

“Yup. The sparks from the roof flew over to the barn, the barn caught on fire and burned up along with the horse, and the dog ate the dead horse meat and he died.”

“Wait, wait….” The man was getting irritated. “The house was on fire? How did the house catch on fire?”

“From the candles.”

“Candles?” The man asked angrily. “Why were there candles burning? We have all electrical fixtures in my house!”

“The candles were around your mother in law’s coffin in the study.”

“My mother-in-law is dead?”



“She had a heart attack.”

“A heart attack? What happened?”

Ron rolled his eyes. “I ain’t going to tell you this but one more time….Your mother-in-law caught your wife and the UPS man fooling around together. She was so upset by this that she had a heart attack and died. I didn’t know what to do, so I put her body in a coffin, put the coffin in your study and put candles around it. The flame from the candles caught the curtains on fire. The fire shot up the wall to the roof, and the roof started burning. The sparks from the house blew over to the barn and caught the barn on fire. The barn burned up, killing the horse and the dog ate the meat from the dead horse and he died.”

“Where’s my wife now?”

“She ran off with the UPS man.”

The man stood quietly for a moment. “So Ol’ Roscoe’s dead, huh?”


“I’m going to miss him.”


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    • profile image

      Phil Wolhar 27 hours ago

      Del, I heard Flip Wilson tell it a long time ago on TV. Was able to retrieve the one about "seize your berry, not to praise it" but couldn't locate the one about George Washington getting his cookies from Dolly Madison. Any help?

    • profile image

      Sheila j. Holmes 5 months ago

      This story was told to me many, many years ago and today I thought of it and tried to remember how it went. So I put the title in an internet search and yours popped up. Thank you soooooooooooo much.

    • profile image

      Clifford Bowser 2 years ago

      I too heard it years ago on a flip Wilson glad you told it again. Clean humor!

    • April Reynolds profile image

      April Reynolds 5 years ago from Arizona

      that was funny, thanks for sharing

    • badegg profile image

      Del Banks 5 years ago from Southern Appalachians

      At least I can still make people smile!

    • funnychap profile image

      Robert D'Silva 5 years ago from Mumbai

      nice one! really made me smile.

    • anivardiashvili profile image

      anivardiashvili 5 years ago from Georgia

      interesting ....

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 5 years ago from Central Texas

      What a hoot -- thanks for this one -- made my day. My brother wrote a clever, funny song about his divorce -- went into great detail -- and his last line was "I'm sure gonna miss my dog!" Again, very entertaining Hub. Best/Sis

    • badegg profile image

      Del Banks 5 years ago from Southern Appalachians

      I wish that I could say that it was my original work, but it isn't. It is a story I heard about 45 years ago. It recently popped into my head, and I decided to retell it here. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

    • KT Banks profile image

      KT Banks 5 years ago from Texas

      How funny! How in the world did you think that up???