ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Dog Ate the Meat and Died

Updated on September 17, 2012

This is not my original work. It is a story I heard many years ago. I just think it is funny.

An affluent businessman that was away on a lengthy business trip came home recently to his palatial estate. His personal assistant, Ron, met him on the front lawn as he drove up.

‘Hey Ron!” the businessman shouted, “How is everything?”

“Everything is fine, but…oh yeah, your dog died.” The assistant replied somewhat somberly.

“Ol’ Roscoe? He’s dead?” The man was shocked. “Why? What happened to him?”

“He ate the meat from the dead horse that was in the barn, he got sick and he died.”

“Dead horse? What dead horse?”

Your dead horse.” Ron replied. “He got burned up in the fire, and the dog ate the meat from it and he died.”

“What fire?”

“The barn fire.” Ron’s speech was getting a little terse.

“How did the barn catch on fire?” The man’s words were becoming terse as well.

“The sparks from the house.” Ron retorted.

“Sparks from the house?”

“Yup. The sparks from the roof flew over to the barn, the barn caught on fire and burned up along with the horse, and the dog ate the dead horse meat and he died.”

“Wait, wait….” The man was getting irritated. “The house was on fire? How did the house catch on fire?”

“From the candles.”

“Candles?” The man asked angrily. “Why were there candles burning? We have all electrical fixtures in my house!”

“The candles were around your mother in law’s coffin in the study.”

“My mother-in-law is dead?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“She had a heart attack.”

“A heart attack? What happened?”

Ron rolled his eyes. “I ain’t going to tell you this but one more time….Your mother-in-law caught your wife and the UPS man fooling around together. She was so upset by this that she had a heart attack and died. I didn’t know what to do, so I put her body in a coffin, put the coffin in your study and put candles around it. The flame from the candles caught the curtains on fire. The fire shot up the wall to the roof, and the roof started burning. The sparks from the house blew over to the barn and caught the barn on fire. The barn burned up, killing the horse and the dog ate the meat from the dead horse and he died.”

“Where’s my wife now?”

“She ran off with the UPS man.”

The man stood quietly for a moment. “So Ol’ Roscoe’s dead, huh?”

“Yup”.

“I’m going to miss him.”


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Phil Wolhar 

      7 months ago

      Del, I heard Flip Wilson tell it a long time ago on TV. Was able to retrieve the one about "seize your berry, not to praise it" but couldn't locate the one about George Washington getting his cookies from Dolly Madison. Any help?

    • profile image

      Sheila j. Holmes 

      12 months ago

      This story was told to me many, many years ago and today I thought of it and tried to remember how it went. So I put the title in an internet search and yours popped up. Thank you soooooooooooo much.

    • profile image

      Clifford Bowser 

      3 years ago

      I too heard it years ago on a flip Wilson album...so glad you told it again. Clean humor!

    • April Reynolds profile image

      April Reynolds 

      5 years ago from Arizona

      that was funny, thanks for sharing

    • badegg profile imageAUTHOR

      Del Banks 

      5 years ago from Southern Appalachians

      At least I can still make people smile!

    • funnychap profile image

      Robert D'Silva 

      5 years ago from Mumbai

      nice one! really made me smile.

    • anivardiashvili profile image

      anivardiashvili 

      5 years ago from Georgia

      interesting ....

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 

      6 years ago from Central Texas

      What a hoot -- thanks for this one -- made my day. My brother wrote a clever, funny song about his divorce -- went into great detail -- and his last line was "I'm sure gonna miss my dog!" Again, very entertaining Hub. Best/Sis

    • badegg profile imageAUTHOR

      Del Banks 

      6 years ago from Southern Appalachians

      I wish that I could say that it was my original work, but it isn't. It is a story I heard about 45 years ago. It recently popped into my head, and I decided to retell it here. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

    • KT Banks profile image

      KT Banks 

      6 years ago from Texas

      How funny! How in the world did you think that up???

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)