Heaviness Of The Unremembered Dream
Have you ever experienced a heaviness inside of you? Just like you have been drowning for so long in a deep lake, which has no end or no base.With eyes closed, neither feeling nor experiencing anything but just going down and down sinking in some bottomless place. The same feeling which often comes when you wake up from a deep sleep but to your bad luck, you don't remember what you were dreaming about. That notion is so annoying when you know, you had a dream, lived it for hours and that was important enough to be remembered, but have emerged from it as if you were never immersed. And yes that is how heaviness feels just like having wasps in your body rather than cells!
She had been suffering this for so long. And was unable to bear the burden any more, because those wasps had finally started attacking on the flesh of her body now. She was afraid, too afraid of all that was going on, for she knew; she was too fragile for all that.
But there was a change this time, she accepted the fact. "YES" she was wounded and that wound was going to stay with her for the rest of her life. There was no reason for lying to herself and giving long, fancy, motivating speeches because at the end of the day nothing was going to be changed. She knew she would die every night and the next day she would be alive again pretending to be as mirthful as she had been the previous day, she would shatter, shudder and tremble inside but would walk through people as if she is the winner of Marathons. She knew that even her own existence, people around her, every, every single little thing would choke her, would instigate her to commit a taboo but she would not; she'd live. Would take this pain. so that one day THE PETROL OF PAIN WILL EXTINGUISH THE FIRE OF HATRED!! Hatred that was the need of the moment.
This time no fake speeches, no soothing lectures to the heart. The scenario had changed. It was not a matter of forgetting, it was remembering, remembering that forgotten dream; and until that day living with the curse of heaviness, accepting it and keep going because no one cares whether the smile is real or just a curve of the lips, to people it's all about being entertained about making them laugh. This time she was not regretting because that was the wrong approach it was time to confess, confess all what had happened and look for the redemption along with that heaviness in her heart. But till the hour of Redemption there was no need of any hypocrisy, not even to herself.