Hell & the Human Resources

“Stop whimpering and stand straight in the line!”

“Hey Marshal, stop shouting! and why do I have to wait in a queue? Aren’t we supposed to get our allotted seats; after all we are dead for God’s sake!”

“Do not mention God here you ass and never question my authority. Do as I say. If you were any worthier you weren’t supposed to be here anyways. Look straight!”

Piggy looks straight and starts irritating the man in front.

“Oh, come on man waiting sucks. But why the hell are we waiting? What’s this queue for? Man, I arrived just a minute ago. After they stripped me naked, naked of all my skin & fat, I got here. I know nothing what’s going on.”

“This is the place where you’ll be told why you are in hell. Apparently, universe beyond the living is fair.” (blows air out of the eye socket = winking)

“Oh, is it? they shall be giving some valid reasons then!”

“Yeah, I am pretty sure why I am here for.”

“For what?”

“I killed three thousand stupid people in a town.”

“But, they were stupid, right?”

“Dude, I KILLED them all.”

“Oh. Okay. There should be a law that allows killing stupid. I mean, we can prevent them multiply at least.”

“No world works that way. Apart from ‘ethical’ & ‘moral’ shit, people care more on setting examples of what not to do. See that creepy skel- btw we call everybody skel here- that creepy skel is punished for making too much noise! There are no moral or ethics in that, forgive the poor calcium deficient bones for ruffling!”

“Hmm…I missed dentist appointment before my death. The jaws jitter a lot. I am too excited to hear my verdict.”

“What did they call you there?”

“Piggy. As in irritating and gross like a pig. What about you?”

“Puggy.”

“Great, we are a vowel apart. We’ll click well!!”

“Not interested! I just want a seat by the pond and I am done.”

“Some are really old here Puggy. See those black marks on that skel. Old as shit! What happens in heaven? Do we get promoted to heaven if we do well here?”

“Remember our flesh peeled off? Yeah, they feed on it. Ever tasted a human? They taste yummy I guess!”

“No, never tasted a human. At least that’s off the list of ‘things I did for hell’! (HAHAHA)

*Verdict announced*

“WTF…that’s…that’s it! ‘Breaking the trust of a friend & infidelity with wife’. These are like starters in a restaurant, this is done by EVERYBODY! Why me? Why hell for this? Who does not? WTF. I want clarification. I want reasons. I am in hell, what worst can they do?”

“Hey! you, don’t create a nuisance here. Get lost.”

“Marshal, I want clarification!”

“I said Get lost or you’ll be given the seat in the swamp.”

“Puggy, this is wrong. I have been wronged. Who cares about trust, love, friendship there. They are meant to be broken”

“Promises are meant to be broken Pig.”

“Okay, so they are meant to be shattered. But this is not a valid reasoning. Everybody does so.”

“And that’s why our population is soaring day by day! lol”

“Dude, you gonna help me or not?”

“Just go to the Skeleton Grievance Committee.”

*Enters the SGC*

“Your Highness, I want reasons”

“You were given.”

“I am not satisfied with it.”

“We don’t care.”

“I am wronged. My reason is applicable to millions of people on that planet. Infidelity is like an axiom now, it seems okay and valid and nice and cool and everybody does that. If I am here, then bring everyone else here now, right now, at once!”

“Why are you here?”

“To get correct explanation.”

“Do you believe in me that I’ll give you the reason you are looking for?”

“Yes, to some exten.t”

“So, you trust me to some extent.”

“Yes…umm…to some extent…umm.”

“What if I break your belief, your trust? Will you believe in any other judgments given here henceforth?”

“Nnnooo.”

“So, what you think will happen to you? Won’t you be broken, reticent, shattered?”

“Yyes...Yes.”

“What if you were my wife and you got to know that I am not loyal to you? What if you were my friend & you got to know I conspire behind you?”

“—-”

“The sole purpose of bringing you here is that the evil spirits, like you, remain confined within hell. The good spirits continue to give birth to better ones and are proliferated to the living world.

Some spirits, like you, get deviated, stained and tainted with dishonesty, infidelity and envy and they must be removed, but only when the time is right; only when they have been given enough opportunities to rectify their mistakes and only on unfulfilling those are they called here. No sooner, no later.

The only reason humans exist is because of their ability to trust one another, to make a bond and unite. This is the biggest difference and the best characteristic that has made them rule the world. With time this unique trait is vanishing and humans are inclining towards their prehistoric form of hunters and gatherers: hunting down their kin, gathering materialistic pleasures: this is eventually destroying the essence of humanity & it is then the world will cease to exist.

Piggy, shall I elaborate more or you can fill the gaps yourself?”

“Ok. Can I be promoted to the heaven?”

“Why do you want to? You have not stayed here for more than an hour and you wish to switch?”

“Yeah actually, they get to eat meat, sleep and no work!”

“They eat dead, rotten, diseased meat of you people. You get freshly grown leaves & grass here. They cannot sleep. It is against the law of nature: sleep ensues dream and you are not allowed to dream as you are dead. And forget about ‘no work’ thing. They have very narrow window to generate good spirits, IN TIME, and then go back to the Living lest their ‘spiritual framework’ should decompose. They are really hustling for time & craving to go back to the Living so that they can escape the pressure in heaven. Relax & enjoy being dead man!”

“One last query.”

“Go ahead Piggy.”

“What were you before coming here?”

“HR consultant in top MNC of the world.”

***