ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing

Her Mother's Keeper

Updated on January 5, 2013

Melanie smacked at her legs, battered and bloody as she stumbled to the creek. She was not dressed for the occasion; wearing only a thin cotton shirt, khaki shorts, and sandals. Hiking boots would have made more sense, and maybe a flashlight and compass for that matter. Hearing the water, a shiver ran through her as she approached, preparing herself to cross the black creek water as the tree branches lashed out at her face.

The moonlight bounced off the surface of the small creek, flashing as it rippled through the current which poured through the smooth rocks forming small tranquil pockets of water. Arriving at the stream, she stopped, breathing heavy visible breaths into the rigid nighttime air. She guessed that it was sometime after two in the morning, although it seemed as if she had been in the woods for hours.

While debating whether to cross the creek, she heard the wretched bark of a coyote on the other side, making her decision to say on her side of the creek all the easier. She rubbed her arms, continuing down the rugged path when she heard her name being calling in the distance, as the sounds leaves crushing and sticks snapping grew closer with every step. She turned and dashed further into the dark forest.

The night had been doomed from the start, the horrible date that had led to her jumping out of the car, somehow culminating with her freezing to death in the wilderness while being chased by coyotes in the wee hours of the morning. A Ralph Waldo Emerson quote from her English teacher’s classroom came to mind. Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. Sounds about right, she thought.

The collection of large rocks in the clearing prompted her to make a decision. She couldn't keep going, it was time to take a stand. She looked around, putting her hand on the waist high boulder to find her balance in the dark. He was getting closer.

“Mel, what’s going on….. ” his voice echoed in the wilderness.

She listened to the footsteps, climbing the hill leading towards the rocks, as the path winded through the large trees before clearing. Melanie crouched between two large boulders, her chest heaving as she timed his approach. She peaked out from the rock, tightening her grip on the thick wooden stick in her shaking hand.

“Mel, this is crazy…..where are you?” He was walking backwards, scanning all directions as his voice was swallowed by the vast forest. Another step, then another…


The police arrived at the abandoned vehicle shortly after receiving a frantic call from an extremely terrified teenage girl. The dark road was illuminated by the sudden activity as three out of the county’s four squad cars were there with the ambulance. Flashlights flickered in the woods across the highway, in search of evidence from the struggle. The medics attended to the girl’s bruised face while the Sheriff asked her a few questions. She trembled, in too much shock to speak; her body was languid from the fateful events of the evening.

Melanie’s mother and stepfather arrived shortly afterwards. Her mother immediately rushing to her little girl’s aid as her stepfather was a bit more reserved, talking with the patrolmen and asking questions about the sequence of events that led to the ghastly outcome near the creek.

The sheriff, having never worked murder scene--as the small town with one post office and two grocery stores rarely made the news for anything other than its apple orchards or bed and breakfast houses nearby---gave his analysis of the situation.

“From the looks of things, they were parked and our lover boy here was trying to have his way with her. He roughed her up pretty good, she ran off and he gave chase. We found him in under the rock; she got him pretty good with that stick, hell of a mess. ”

Melanie’s stepfather nodded, taking in the sheriff’s assessment of the situation before walking over to the patrol car, where two young deputies were whispering, their pale faces glowing in the dark. He peeked over at his wife, her daughter staring at the ground as her mother clutched her tightly, swaying her back and forth as she spoke.

“Oh baby. I’m so sorry, I’m sorry baby, it’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Melanie sniffled, accepting her mother’s comforting as she sat at the edge of the ambulance. The EMT had checked her vital signs and she had been cleared with only a few scrapes and bruises to show for her brush with death, along with the emotional trauma she had suffered. Her mother wiped her cheeks with a towel, collecting dark streaks of mascara as she nervously hovered, apologizing repeatedly.

“I’m so sorry baby…”

Resting her head on her mother’s shoulder, Melanie watched her stepfather, the swirling lights dancing on his face as he walked vigilantly amongst the activity in the dark night. Her eyes followed him as he surveyed the scene, talking with authorities like a detective on television. With her mother still fawning over her, apologizing while squeezing out warm tears on her icy cheek, she waited. As he approached, their eyes met, and for an instant he froze, a shudder running through him as Melanie’s quick sneer sent an unmistakable message. You’re next.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Ha Ha! Excellent!

      Seems she isn't the damsel in distress as she portrays herself to be.

      Great writing again Weestro!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Willstar, I appreciate the read and comment!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Whoa! What a story!

      You led us down the path and snared us with your last two words.

      Very good stuff, Pete!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Hey thanks Julie, glad you liked it!

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 5 years ago from Clinton CT

      Oh my gosh. The ending is crazy!!! Excellent work here. :)

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      You're right on Mary, perhaps she's bipolar! Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Carol!

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Hadn't planned on it Isaac, but it could be fun!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Okay, I have a twisted SciFi type of mind but I'm thinking this girl is the bad one. She totally over-reacted to the guy in the car and killed him. Her stepfather knows she is evil and that's why she looked at him so threateningly! Loved it either way it goes. Great job Weestro.

      Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 5 years ago from Arizona

      Didn't expect that at all..Very good.

    • Isaac White profile image

      TDM 5 years ago from Welcome to my beautiful world, where magic is no longer a myth.

      You're welcome, do you plan on making a part two for this story?

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks Isaac, I appreciate it!

    • Isaac White profile image

      TDM 5 years ago from Welcome to my beautiful world, where magic is no longer a myth.

      Wow, what a twist in the story, Loved it.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 5 years ago from Virginia

      Thanks xstatic, I'm glad you liked it, and I think the latter description is accurate!

      Thanks Becky, I was trying something new, seeing if I could work in words like dark or cold everytime I mentioned Melanie, I may have taken it too far!

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Somehow, I knew that one was coming. The terror while she was running was almost palpable.

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 5 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      What a sinister ending! I surmise that the step-father was an abuser like the dead date wanted to be. If so, she has reason for revenge. If not, she is a diabolical kid who has decided she likes the power murder gives her. I like the "sort of" ambiguous way you ended this and it is well-written too.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)