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Home Alone - A Husband's Survival
Well my wife has left me. She has gone to New York to visit family, leaving me behind for a week to fend for myself. Piece of cake, right?
As I realized this morning after I locked myself out of the house and had to climb through the window to retrieve my keys, it hasn't been as easy as one might think.
While halfway in the house with my legs sticking out of the front window and the dogs looking at me as if to say, Get it together man, it may have seemed as if I was in over my head. But it hasn't been that bad.
So just what have I learned in my week at home alone? My morning routine has been a little bit chaotic to say the least, but that's not to say that I need me wife to take care of me.
We make a great team, she does her tasks and I do mine. But I'm a grown up. it's not like I need a babysitter, right? Before you answer....
Here’s what I'm learning:
I only watch three or four channels – With golf, basketball, and the history channel, my weekend was all set.
You can sustain a week solely on a diet of pizza – Cheese pizza, veggie pizza, pepperoni…..the options are limitless.
Shaving is optional – At least for Saturday and Sunday.
The electric bill will be going down - That's right, unless we hit triple digits, it's windows and fans.
The cat really doesn't like me – He slept behind the table for so long I had to check on him to make sure he was alive. He wakes up, meows at me until I put food in his bowl and then ignores me.....cats.
My friends are still idiots – On Friday night I invited my long lost friends over for drinks and conversation. We talked about the same things we did five years ago…
Dryer sheets do serve a purpose - I'm man enough to admit it...
I’m officially lame – Maybe I've just gotten older, but I had no desire to leave the house on a Friday or Saturday night.
The dogs miss a female voice around the house – Sure I’m good for walks and playing ball in the backyard, but once inside our two dogs hold a vigil for their mother.
There is a reason for those little plug-in air fresheners – When my wife left I immediately pulled them out of the wall, no need for girlie smells around this man cave! I plugged them back in yesterday, I missed the fragrance.
The plants need water – Who knew?
I have no idea how to work our coffee maker - I tried twice and that was not coffee that came out.
You can play ball in the house – Carefully of course
Going shopping is a lot more fun -No clothing stores, Bed Bath and Beyond, and no WalMart....plus I found a ten speed bicycle at the Goodwill for $20!
Now I still have a couple of days left on my own, so I’m not out of the woods quite yet, but there have been no injuries or disasters concerning myself or the dogs. And I'm cooking....sort of. On tonight’s menu is a delectable peanut butter and banana sandwich with pretzels on the side.
My tv viewing will involve guns, cheesy jokes, and a bad plot to say the least while my choice in clothing will be questionable at best. Soon, my wife will come home and restore order, but until then I will try my best to hold it together.