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A Talk with Hope.
"Tell me who is God?" he asks. "God is Hope."
I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine, he's a good guy living one of the most perfect life.
Everytime me and the guys hang out, we always talk about something, or just do some silly things, make deals, whatever a normal teenage boy would do. As we grow older, we grow much more mature to life. Some of us start to take it seriously, some just went their own way. Me, I had to take it seriously like some of us, being the only child means that I have to find my way in life and fast.
We had dreams in lives, dreams that we would like to follow and live in. I remember one of us saying that he would own the Apple company one day. We would argue about that since he's just too far from it. Then we would laugh about it. There was eight of us, each started to go in their separate ways. Me, being the youngest(and probably the most mature), was left in college pursuing a much more higher course. I always dreamed of surpassing each one of them, but that didn't matter anymore, as life gets harder and harder each day.
I didn't have enough time for relationships, well probably I just ignored them anyways. But Nikolai, the closest of all my friends started to live a good life. He sent me a couple of letters, Personal Messaged me in one of his Alienware Laptops(lucky bastard), and much more. I've seen his beautiful fiance and his house. It was just amazing how he started to have everything he wanted. I don't believe in luck so it must be in his ability on how he worked and just did everything right. I could say I was jealous, since I was stuck in law school, but I was pretty optimistic, and I was stubborn, so I was able to finish it.
The years came like months and the months came like days. I got a job, as a corporate lawyer and I was pretty proud of my earnings. My mom and dad started to grow real old and I told them to just retire and let me do all the work. Well that happened, but they decided that they don't want to bother me( which I didn't mind taking care of them) so they moved somewhere else.
One day, the guys and I planned to hang out once again. Its been a long time and we decided to make it simple. We ate at KFC and watched a movie. It was getting late, some of us had wives to go home to, some had girlfriends, while me still being a bachelor. I said to them that I was waiting for the "right one", and they laughed, hard. That's when I noticed that Nikolai wasn't with us that day. I just went on saying goodbye to my old buddies and went home. I just thought to myself that he was busy.
After a couple of weeks, I was sent a message that Nikolai's fiance died, the cause was cancer. It was too late before they knew that she had it and when they knew it was already stage four. It was hard for him to accept it, I thought, she was everything to him. We were all invited to the funeral.
I've seen all the guys in the funeral, some brought their families with them and their girlfriends. Nikolai greeted us, with a faint smile, he looked like he didn't get enough sleep and that he was just trying to get over it. We paid our respects to his fiance and just tried to get over through the day. It was hard for all of us to see Nikolai like that and we tried our best to comfort him, but it was hard, and that we knew that only time can fix his wounds.
After the funeral day was over, I tried getting back in touch with him, all of us did. The guys and I hanged out more, and he was sometimes there. Time after time, it recovered him, like we planned. One day, it was different from any of those other days.
We were supposed to watch a ball game, I went there pretty early and there I saw Nikolai. I walked to him and he looked at me, he looked "empty" at that time, he seemed lost. "Hey Nick, you okay, bro?" I asked him. He didn't reply, but after a couple of minutes, he said to me, "Tell me, who is God?". I was pretty shocked when he asked this but somehow I was ready. "God is.... God is Hope." I answered confidently. I don't know who I was in this conversation, it didn't feel like me, I was somewhere else watching the conversation, someone else took over me for that instant.
"You see we all have problems, my son, I know you may have lost her, but you haven't lost yourself." I said.
"What do you mean!? I lost my EVERYTHING, you don't UNDERSTAND!" Nikolai shouted with anger, tears dropping in his cheeks.
"The hardest part of losing someone is moving on and I'm not asking you to move on just yet, but, Nikolai, everyone needs you, more than you need them. She might be everything to you, but you, you my son, your everything to them and to me." I said.
I was confused why was I watching myself, somehow, I was. It was different, I was different, I was not controlling me and Nikolai somehow knew that it wasn't me. I tried shouting at that time, but no one could hear me. Then there was a touch of hand in my shoulder, I remember seeing a face that calmed me down.
"Why are you doing this? YOU could have SAVED HER! WHY didn't YOU!? WHY!?" Nikolai was getting furious at whoever I was, I felt it.
" I did, I saved her, but in another way, in a way that she'll be happy, and now that she is watching over you, telling me to let you feel me, to know me, so that one day you may understand the choice she made." I said to Nikolai in a calm voice.
There was a long pause with both of them and during that time I felt calm, I felt still. I bet that's what Nikolai felt that time. I understand what he felt, losing someone. It wasn't easy, but somehow there's something that always touches your heart to be calm, to move on, one day.
" She made a choice, I know that, but why did she choose that way? I just don't understand, why would she leave me?" Nikolai said, sobbing, tears falling more from his cheeks.
"She didn't leave you, Nikolai, my son, she never did, she is still there, watching over you, making you happy. What she gave you through her choice is hope, even in all that would happen in your life, she would like to let you know that there is Hope." I said to him.
After a couple of minutes, I felt I came back to own self. Then I heard a whisper in the wind saying what I thought it said, "Thank you." I was disoriented when I came back to my self. I saw Nikolai wiping his tears and smiling.
Later on we saw the rest of the guys pumped for the game. We watched it and I saw all of us happy including Nikolai, just shouting, laughing, smiling his heart out. I felt it, that someone out there talked him to this, made him moved on.
After the game, we went on our own ways. But I had to ask Nikolai something.
"Nick.......um, who was that, the person, me, when I was talking to you?" I asked.
"My friend, the person who I talked to was Hope." He replied smiling, looking at the sky.