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Horoscope or Horrorscope
This morning when I got to my computer I did the usual things, check my email, read the news headlines, check stocks, and read my horoscope. I was slightly surprised when I read my horoscope today. Here is what it said. If you can't seem to get revved up and get active, then you should stop trying. WTF? I glanced at this one again, and again, and once again. That seems to be a really weird horoscope, why would you stop trying to be active? I read it again. Yep, still weird. I was beginning to think maybe I was fully awake yet. That can't be what that says can it, I asked myself. I decided I wasn't yet awake and drank some more coffee. As I was drinking my cofee I got to thinking how much I used to ike this little publication that published horrorscopes or horridscopes.
Alot like horoscopes, except with a funny twist and maybe an added insult. I hadn't seen one of those in a long time. So I set about finding some. Heres what I came up with. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.
I have decided to come up with my own Horrorscopes being that I am an expert at all things starry. So here it goes.
I will start with my own astrological sign first.
Sagittarius- You are getting back in the mood for socializing as the blisters have scabbed over and you are no longer contagious.
Capricorn- Don't worry if you are feeling blue. You will soon be feeling green than yellow because thats what bruising looks like as you heal.
Aqaurius- Look back at some recent dramatic events and wonder why you keep causing so much drama. Heres a hint, you are a drama queen or king.
Picses- Your chock full of energy but todday is not the day to start a new peoject. Lay off for a day or two, it gets a little annoying and you're making the rest of us look bad.
Aries- Today is about feeding your brain. Good thing becasue if you feed your face anymore your clothes will not be able to handle the size of you.
Taurus- Friendships require effort to stay healthy but who has time for that. You are your own best friend anyway.
Gemini- Don't be afraid to reach out to people. Just be sure you have their permission before touching them. Can you say sexual harassement?
Cancer- Friction with authority figures is never fun thats why you will not confront anyone in authority or otherwise. Get a spine.
Leo- In order to get what you want you will bat your eyelashes, unbutton a few buttons on the neckline of your shirt and show a lot more leg and thats just for the male leo's. I can't even say what You female leo's will do for what they want. You will get it someway somehow.
Virgo- At some point you will have to choose advancement over popularity. You can't have it all, Quit being so damn greedy.
Libra- face up to big issues you've been procrastinating on. If I know you you have procrastinated in reading to the end of this horrorscope. Seriously get it together.
Scorpio- Reality rarely lives up to expectations especially for you. Get your head out of the clouds. Lower your standards. Like your life and live it or go cry in the corner where the rest of us aren't bothered by it.
Ok, that's all I got for today. I hope you liked them and I hope nobody was offended. If you are go join scorpio in the corner.