ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing»
  • Dark Humor

Can Pacifists Survive The Zombie Apocalypse?

Updated on January 6, 2012

Tips for the Non-Violent During a Zombie Attack

I was organizing my guns and watching a riveting episode of "Walking Dead" on AMC the other day when I had a sudden thought, "How can Pacifists survive a world taken over by zombies?" Pacifists are individuals who do not believe in violence or war.

During a zombie attack, all law enforcement, military, and government functions will not be operating and everything will be thrown into pre-industrialized civilization. There won't be any basic services like water or electricity available so things will look bleak for these non-violent individuals. Made me wonder how can Pacifists survive a zombie apocalypse?

Here is some advice that I can offer them to survive a zombie attack:

Sgt. Apone utters famous words in "Aliens"
Sgt. Apone utters famous words in "Aliens" | Source

Don't Use "Harsh Language!"

The use of "foul language" to ward off an attack from the zombies won't work! Cuss words won't be any use because these monsters are not sensitive to graphic language.

That reminds me of a scene in the scary film "Aliens" when a Lieutenant and "Ripley" warned the soldiers, who were anticipating an attack from the aliens, not to use their weapons inside a nuclear reactor for fear of "blowing up." Faced with no way to protect themselves against the nasty monsters, Sargeant Apone sarcastically replied, "What are we supposed to use---harsh language?"

Sorry, Pacifists but no matter how creative or colorful your use of language in the zombie apocalypse, it won't protect you from those creeps!


Use Your "Street Smarts" and Hide-and-Seek Skills

You are enduring a zombie apocalypse so you better use those hide-and-seek skills you had as a kid! Use your "street smarts" too in order to get away from these monsters. There is no place you can't hide! So find a man-hole, a trash can, under a car, on the roof, or in a vault. Anywhere!

It would be highly recommended if you could hide in a high-rise building or a two-story house and make sure the entrance ways are blocked off! An even better place to hide would be a grocery store or restaurant because you have food and supplies handy. Note, zombies like grocery stores and restaurants too, so be wise!

You're going to live the life of a fugitive so you're going to have to be constantly on-the-move and low-key! Sleep with one-eye open.

Your objective is to find a place that is fortified and keeps you safely away from the zombies.

Run like Hell

Yep, you made a mistake skipping P90x training or jogging on the treadmill at the gym cause you are going to have to "run like hell" from these zombies! Being fit would make it easy getting away from them. If you're out-of-shape, consider yourself a ready-made snack for these flesh eating monsters.

You should have considered that getting through a zombie apocalypse mean that you would have to be fit. This is where "survival of the fittest" has true meaning, especially in a zombie attack.


Find a Vehicle or Anything to Get Away!

Find any vehicle or anything that you can use to get away in! Hopefully, you know how to "drive stick" cause you can't really be picky in this case when zombies are after you!

Your prior car-jacking skills like "hot wiring a car" will come in handy! Yah, like how many cars or trucks are you going to find with the keys in the ignition? Not much.

Heck, take anything like a bicycle or motorcycle or a scooter to get away!

You're objective is to put as many miles between you and those blood-sucking zombies.

You Have No Weapon, No Problem

When you assess the situation, Pacifists have to understand that the chances of surviving this thing without a weapon is less than 50/50.

Unless you are fortunate to find a car or a boat with enough gas or be situated on a deserted island, your chances of survival will be bleak. The National Rifle Association (NRA) will also bet against you, but you can make them proud by getting through this alive, without harming any zombies during the process.

You can make it through this, and if you do, maybe you can give the NRA a few tips about surviving your ordeal without wasting a single bullet.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Paul Bisquera profile image

      Paul Bisquera 6 years ago from Los Angeles

      Bill Paxton served up some good ones in the film Aliens didn't he? Thanks for commenting Jason!

    • Jason R. Manning profile image

      Jason R. Manning 6 years ago from Sacramento, California

      Hilarious, I love the mention of Aliens, “hey, maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but we just got our a**es kicked.” That’s classic Bill Paxton. Personally I would use a pacifist as a human shield. Cheers mate, voted up and funny.

    • Sue B. profile image

      Sue B. 6 years ago

      Nice hub. I think most pacifists are married to non-pacifists so I think we may be ok. :)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)