I Met My Soulmate 20 Years Ago
I Met My SoulMate 20 Years Ago
How I can still feel this way
...this way I do for only you.
Its like I was again thirteen
...not knowing if you felt it too.
When I first heard your voice
...nearly fifteen years gone by,
My heart beat a bit faster
...I can't even begin to lie.
Every adult experience we had
...parralleled so closely side by side,
My mouth just dropped wide open
...how she treated you did you confide.
The anger of not being there to protect you
...to make you wise up and leave,
Left me feeling so guilty not being there
...but now I could be, I felt relieved.
One thing now I could do
...be that true friend you need,
The friend you were to me
...I give you freely on my knees.
Now I am loyal and true to all
...who prove a friend to me,
I have their back no questions asked
...and give all I have you see.
I put them first before myself
...give my help no need to ask,
No bragging about how great I am
...am honest in every endearing task.
Your ex should hope we never meet
...the one who hurt you for ten years,
With all she is guilty of in regards to him
...she see's me come she need great fear.
After passing over my in depth anger
...giving him than a piece of mind,
Of how a world full of such hatred
...its better off without her kind.
I realized throughout the next week
...something was still floating there
Up somewhere as more than friends
...but not understanding yet it was rare.
This topic scared me to be frank about
...what if I plain freaked the man out
I couldn't bear him parting ways with me
...he needed to stay I would shout.
Once again it was he who said it not I
...feeling the not quite friend feeling too
That he always had back than that feeling
...it wasn't like it was something new.
So now we sit on this notion
...while living three thousand miles away
Not knowing if it should further develop
...because if it did I would want him to stay
Passion we first had ever first felt was together
...that was truly an experience beyond words so intense
Happened at time we were eighteen years old
...with each other everything seemed so immense.
It was that memorable that he surely spoke of it
...those feelings swarmed back over both of us
We got quite finding the right phrases
...to explain this without making a fuss.
But truth is we known how intense it is
...still after more than fifteen years
We will meet face to face once again
...and it will surely bring on a few of my tears.
When our eyes will have met once again
...at Southwest- carousel 5- baggage claim
An embrace will follow that quite quickly
...and I don't believe we will ever feel with others the same.
The embrace will be more deep with meaning
...filled with history, mistakes, and the whole past
We both know at some point we will ache to kiss
...and as adults we all know what comes up last.
Knowing its going to eventually happen
...is not what is scary after all
Its what emotions we will finally unravel
...and just how in fast love we do or don't fall.
So, God please be here always with me
...as you send him my way again at last
Help me not to do what I do best and fuck it all up
...as I have routinely always done in the past.
However, the day was rapidly approaching
...that the reunion was coming with all of its pretense
You sent me a text that made me start crying
...you weren't coming, it was just too intense.
I should have said I understand, and left it at that
...but I was hurt and I ended up ranting at last
He kept saying whenever I mentioned why he isn't coming
...that I always think it has to do with the past.
I swear I think this is karma, for the day I walked out and hurt him
...he insists it is simply too intense during all he is going through
I left it alone for awhile but than I realized I lost a chance to be with
...my secret love for the last 15 years, too long I waited and here I stew.
I didn't tell him how I loved him, or how after my first love I just left one day
...or how he saved me from feeling so lonely during the time I was wed
The times my husband was cheating, and he was being there for me
...the feelings that I developed locked away for too many years I dread.
Now its too late and we are at a point it isn't good for us to try
...but I learned when you are in love with someone you tell them
Time can pass you by or maybe they will die before you say those words
...life is just so fragile and feelings are like thorns on a rose stem.
They can prick you slowly and leave a scar or some pain
...especially if the feelings are not returned onto you
But never to tell them and know what they feel inside
...isn't letting your life or your love ring true.
So I sucked up the courage and I emailed him one day
...I poured out the truth that I stored away since I was only thirteen
I told him I fell in love with him than and never did I think I sill did
...when he walked into my life again it surfaced so fast, seeming like a dream.
I said I was unsure and also confused and I lost my dear friend to silence
...and maybe you won't feel the same about me but the truth is for you.
I have never stopped loving you and will love you forever, my heart you already did take
...so please just think on thing and one day let me know if we can start a new.
I am in love with my old next door neighbor, the one that was once my best friend
...those times we were inseperable are memories I love that aren't stored away
They won't be locked deep inside again because you are going to see it I think too
...that you can not control who you are meant for but you can face it at least one day.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2012 Abigayle Malchow-Rourk