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How Not To Win the Lottery

Updated on July 18, 2009

An Unaware Potential Millionaire

"Beth!" my mom called from the living room. "Why haven't you turned in this lottery ticket?"

"What lottery ticket?" I covered the spaghetti sauce pan and went to see what she was talking about.

"This one."

"Oh, you mean my bookmark." I wished she hadn't lost my place in the book.

"You scratched it off and won $10."

"Ten dollars? Really? I remember looking at all the 7s and wondering what they meant."

My mother stared at me. Normally I loved her light brown eyes, but not when they had this confused expression. "It means that each 7 is worth $2 and you have five of them."

"What do you know?"

"You'd better cash it in."

"I don't know if I can. When does it expire? I've had that lottery ticket since last June."

"What?" My mother sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, Chuck got it for me a year ago last June. I remember because he went out for a six-pack of beer to go with the steaks he was going to barbeque for dinner and he came back with that lottery ticket for me. I remember because I was watching an episode of Northern Exposure, you know, where Holling learned that Jesse the bear was dead and it was the closing scene and the Enya song, Caribbean Blue was on and he handed me the lottery ticket and told me he was giving me a Sunny Money Lottery Ticket because we live in sunny Austin."

"You remember all that but you can't read the directions to see if you won?" My mother frowned, and ran her hand over her short dark brown hair, which was lightly speckled with grey.

"Oh, and he got one with all the numbers already on it. Like dad's been getting for his retirement." So far it hadn't been working well as a financial plan, since he was still working.

"Did you win anything with that one?"

"Probably not."

"Probably not? Did you check?"

I shrugged.

"There's a year limit to collect your winnings! Give me the ticket and I'll check online."

I went over to the fireplace, picked up a wicker basket and handed it to my mother. "We've got a few lottery tickets you can look up."

She took it from me and gasped. "A few! You haven't checked any of these? You could be a millionaire and not know it."

I doubted it. I was pretty sure I'd feel differently if I were a millionaire. Maybe I'd even get my hair cut. Buy a new pair of jeans.Then I noticed the spaghetti sauce boiling over on the stove and knew what I'd do first thing if I were a millionaire.

I'd hired a chef. And a maid. In that order.


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    • I'm gng 2 be thin profile image

      I'm gng 2 be thin 8 years ago from Harlem NY

      Lint Lady, you are already rich...God bless ya...

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hahahaha that was cute! I can imagine your mom's expression. I've never won the lotto either. Well since there were only a few times I bought one. And goodness, I also forget to check if the numbers came out. LOL

    • Queen of the Lint profile image

      Queen of the Lint 8 years ago from The Laundry Room

      k@ri-I always thought that if I were rich, I'd just know it. Like, if I went to buy something at the store, I wouldn't even have to look at the price tag. I could be wrong about that. If I ever get rich, I'll let you know. Maybe I'll write a hub about it.

      Teresa - I'm glad to hear you enjoy the hubs! I may be able to come up with a few more.

    • Teresa McGurk profile image

      Sheila 8 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Your off-beat style never ceases to delight me. I don't delight that easy, either, so thank you. I kinda like delight.

    • k@ri profile image

      Kari Poulsen 8 years ago from Ohio

      I love this line: "I was pretty sure I'd feel differently if I were a millionaire" Made me wonder what if feels like...

    • Queen of the Lint profile image

      Queen of the Lint 8 years ago from The Laundry Room

      See, the thing is, after I wrote this, I texted my oldest daughter and asked her to get me a scratch off on her way home from work (she's here for the summer, taking a college class and working part time), and so she did, but she got an even more complicated one that involved a cross word puzzle. It was very time consuming. But she knows me by now and stood over me and gave me instructions so I wouldn't lose interest and wander off.

      I didn't win anything. So the maid and chef are going to have to wait.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 8 years ago from Sunny Spain

      You seem to have the knack of writing very funny and unusual stories :-)

    • alekhouse profile image

      Nancy Hinchliff 8 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Very cute and funny, as usual. A chef and a maid is not a bad idea.