ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

How To Pretend To Be Smart

Updated on September 23, 2011

Don't know what everyone is talking about?

There's always a time when you're either in a group conversation, or one-on-one, and you don't know what the hell the conversation is about, but you don't want to feel stupid. Who wants to feel stupid? You want people to think you're smart. In group conversations you can usually get away with smiling and nodding, as long as you don't make it obvious. But often times people can tell that you don't know what's going on. The key is to go the extra step.

Here is a true and revealing fact of life. The people you think are smart, are actually not smart. Most people who are actually smart don't have enough time to flaunt their intelligence and are actually out doing something productive for society. The people that you think are smart, are just experts in the art of bull***t. One can even say they are smart but only in that respect. They know how to talk the talk, and walk the walk. They make everyone they talk to feel intimidated, like everything you say to them is stupid. That's another part of their trick. Not only do they make themselves seem smart, but they make you feel stupid. By doing this, they can convince you of anything. It's really how teachers, preachers, politicians, and TV personalities work.

Mastering the art of bull***t takes a lot of practice. Most people have had their fair share of experience with BS whether they know it or not. That essay you wrote in high school about The Catcher in The Rye, that was entirely BS. Who do they honestly expect is going to read that book? When you go to job interviews and tell your story about how you perfectly handled a 3 person task single-handedly, with time to spare, that again is BS. The day you starting telling your mom you were done your homework, or going to study at the library, that was BS. You see, BS is something that is in your blood. It's in innate human nature. Most people just need to tap into the power and let it flourish. Those are the people that get far in life. If you let people think you're smart, you will get far in life.

So how do you pretend to be smart?

Let's go over a conversation to better display the art of BS, shall we? In this scenario, Person B is doing things WRONG.

  • Person A: Wow I can't believe our government! Proposition 16A is going to be a disaster!
  • Person B: What's that?
  • Person C: You didn't hear about it, it was all over the news! Where have you been!?
  • Person A: Yeah so many people are going to be out of work, it's horrible.
  • Person B: Oh... that sucks.
  • Person C: Is that all you have to say?
  • Person A: Let's discuss this over lunch...
  • Person B: (greaaaaaaat)

All wrong you see. What Person B needs to do, is acknowledge he knows what is going on. After that, he needs to swiftly move into the next conversation before it goes into too much detail. Before doing so however, he needs to make one of the either people comment on the situation so he can add on to it and seem like he knows what he's talking about. One way of doing this is for him to object or take an opposing opinion. For example:

  • Person A: Wow I can't believe our government! Proposition 16A is going to be a disaster!
  • Person B: Doesn't seem all that bad to me, they obviously had a reason for doing it.
  • Person C: How can they possibly justify 200 000 people going out of work?
  • Person A: Yeah it's just horrible! But well I guess the industry was kind of slow, so it kind of makes sense.
  • Person B: Yeah, you have to look at all the benefits it's going to have in the long run though, the government is trying to re-establish the sector. Anyway. so anyone hear Justin Bieber's new song, it's so catchy!
  • Person C: It was on the radio this morning it's so annoying, what is up with that kid!?

As you can see, by opposing the opinion, person B pretended to not only know about the issue, but also take the stronger side. By siding with the government, Person An automatically feels inferior as they have the minority opinion. Person C questions Person B, but by then Person A has already started doubting themselves. Person B sugar coats it with some big words and ideas that seem relevant, and flows into a new, less brain-draining topic. Preferably something that Person A or C would also take interest in. Person C is quick to jump on the new conversation, and so Person B has successfully evolved the topic.

This is just a quick over-view, usually the conversation wouldn't move as fast. However, you get the gist of it. When you want to pretend to be smart, and pretend to know what the conversation is about, you need to move the conversation swiftly but subtly, all the while not provoking too much further insight. This can sometimes be a little hard if you form an opposing opinion, as the others may be quick to counter it. This is usually true if the others are passionate enough about their opinion. In that case, you would simply agree and and provoke just enough to get a little more information about the topic. Once you have that, just BS a few words around it and you're good to go.

This takes quite a bit of practice, and is usually not easy. Don't be afraid if you get called out on it the first few times. If anything, you can always pull the joke card. If people suspect you don't know what you're talking about, just laugh it off and make an excuse or something. The funny guy is still better than the stupid guy. Eventually, you can become the witty guy: smart and funny. With that kind of personality, who wouldn't fall for you? Who wouldn't hire you? Go get 'em tiger!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      leann2800 6 years ago

      Humorous but also with a grain of truth :)