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How to Survive a Kidnapping by a Psychotic Crush
I've seen it time and time again. The woman or man that's kidnapped and trapped by the crazy crush in their house or lair somewhere in a movie. They're all over the place.
Never a good representation of what you should or shouldn't do when kidnapped by a crazy crush.
Instead of making a smart strategic decision, they're trying to escape like a rabbit in a box trap. They're wasting time, stopping the progress of returning home, getting to a store, or just hanging out. I know this is something terrifying, but does it have to last forever.
Well I say you shouldn't have to be stuck there for hours or days or minutes even. And I have here, a foolproof strategy on how one could get home quickly, and safely, from a kidnapping by a psychotic crush.
What Not To Do
- Run away screaming = damaging: pointless
- Hide in the area he or she is obviously familiar with = pointless
- Beg them to let you go = annoying: damaging: pointless
- Cry in fear, make a lot of noise = pointless: damaging
- Go numb, stop responding at all = pointless: damaging
- Scream at them how much you hate them = damaging: pointless
- Try to reason with them about your freedom = pointless
- Try to kill yourself = stupid
- Go crazy = why?
~ Keep in mind, you're not dealing with leather face. If this was leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre you would run like you're competing in the 100 meter dash. I mean really get out of dodge. If he catches you, it's the same result as a zombie from Dawn of the Dead, you're going to be killed.
You're kidnapped by a psychotic boyfriend, girlfriend, or admirer. You don't have to kill or be killed, but you do have to remember these simple rules.
(1) Do Not Run Away
- I've seen the captured barrel off like a wild cat in no particular direction as soon as their feet touch the ground.
Yes, one must play the frightfully afraid card and be emotionally distant at first. Be afraid, but do not run away.
DO NOT RUN AWAY!
Running away shows the psychotically in-love crush that you don't care about trying to get to know them in anyway nor understand them. This means you get tied up extra tight, killed, not trusted to even turn around by yourself, among other things. So even though your heart's racing, don't let your feet do it.
(2) The Character
- No crying, petrified gazes, and wallowing pity cries. Doing this kind of stuff means you're not remembering what I'm writing right now. You can't remember what I'm writing if you're squealing and breathing like you're having an asthma attack. You can't let them know you don't want to be there that much.
Recognize, this person wants to bond with you in some way. Instead of screaming, crying, and making a bunch of noise, be calm, silently observant, scared but a little curious, and make sure to be very obedient.
If you don't do my next step very well, you probably won't make it. In the psychotic crushes abduction you only get one chance to do this.
- Over many minutes during the times you get to see them, be receptive, understanding, and calm. I want you to listen to them in an understanding way. I want you to ask questions calmly, not with sarcasm, and seem interested.
Don't over ask questions. Your questions are supposed to reflect interest in them, not when you will be able to leave. You could relate to abuse or loneliness, cravings, or the crazy they're spewing. Only relate a little not a lot. Don't be a yes person. Remember, psychotic does not mean stupid.
I want you to be moderately understanding (have an opinion) and a tiny willingness to embrace them.
Don't ever point out what they've done is bad. They need to be comfortable around you but don't forget that they may know what they've done is wrong.
You need to execute this character in being understanding and feeling sorry for them. Also, one must portray a mild willingness to be needed.
And if he or she kisses you, kiss them back and don't you dare gag not even once!
Overall End Result: Trust
This is all we want. This is all we need. We want to be trusted to walk around without them thinking we'll run away.
They want to believe you want to be there with them and you're just feeding this. We need them to be comfortable around us. When you get this you'll have a little freedom.
AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO FIND YOUR STUFF, GET THAT STUPID CELLPHONE AND CALL THE POLICE!
I SWEAR IF YOU RUIN THIS AND TRY TO USE A PHONE...
Okay I'm cool. People always make this mistake. Trying to call a cop on your, his, or her phone in their house is a waste of time. If they have a police scanner in their cluttered up house, you're screwed, a liar, and will probably be kept in a box.
Instead of doing anything like this you need to look around for something incredibly sharp or heavy. That person should hope you choose the latter.
He or she needs to be made unconscious. After they're unconscious, you need to tie them up so they cannot move at all.
If you can't find your stuff in 20 seconds leave without it. Head towards a police department or some civilization.
And there you have it, a simple strategy used to quickly get away from a psychotically in-love crush.