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HubNugget Pirates of the Caribbean

Updated on May 16, 2018
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Elle Fredine (RedElf), photographer, published author, Elle loves seeking out new writers, and catching up with old friends

We be pirates! We be off on another venture, raiding 'cross the uncharted seas in search o' treasure. This be no ordinary treasure we be seeking though, matey. No, we be after the greatest treasure in all o' the 'ub Pages - the 'ubNugget Wannabes.

Our Cap'n heard tell o' a pirate's hoard of 'ubNugget Wannabes, stashed away in an 'idden cove. The Good Ship 'ubNuggets 'as scooped the lot, but she's went aground with 'er booty and the treasure is ripe fer the pluckin'. And who better to pluck it than fearless crew o' 'ubNugget Privateers.

We be shippin' out on the Golden Pearl, fairest frigate in the whole of the 'ub Pages fleet - and a fine, fast vessel she be, trim and clean, and rigged for speed. Many's the time we sailed in 'er to the very Edge o' the World and back. We 'ud tweak the beard o' the Kraken 'imself to snag 'ubNugget Gold.

Goonies map from
Goonies map from
Cap'n Scarlet Anderson
Cap'n Scarlet Anderson
Ol' Blood 'n' Thunder Evilpants
Ol' Blood 'n' Thunder Evilpants
The Ripplemaker
The Ripplemaker
Gold-Tooth Bee - ye 'ave to look quite close to see 'er tooth, but it be there, mateys, an' a beauty it be! Arrr!
Gold-Tooth Bee - ye 'ave to look quite close to see 'er tooth, but it be there, mateys, an' a beauty it be! Arrr!

Golden Pearl - the Book o' Souls

Our Letters o' Marque gives us leave to pillage and plunder the Seven Seas o' Hub Pages in search o' treasure. Straight from the hand o' High Commissioner Menayan they be, and sealed by the very signet and sign o' the fair Lady Maddie.

'Tis said this canny pair has a hand in many a fine venture, what with their broad ships plying the trade routes from the Americays to Madigascar.

They be marketing all manner o' fine provender to the fancies an' fops, an' the honest, workin' feller alike, an' many a fair communique from home fer those as can read 'em.

Our Master and Commander aboard the Golden Pearl, be none other than Scarlet Anderson - the boldest Captain that e'er shivered a timber, an' Scourge o' the Seven Keyboards.

Cap'n Scarlet be a stickler for everythin' ship-shape and Bristol fashion - none o' them half-hearted 'ubs for 'er! Only the very best, the true 'ubNugget Wannabes, will do fer Cap'n Scarlet! Arrr!

Our bonny first mate be Peg-Leg PI, and as brave a wench as e'er sent a brigantine o' bad grammar down to Davy Jone's Locker. She be a deadly shot wi' 'er seven-pounders, an' when she lines 'em up acrost yer bow, ye'd best hove to an' prepare to be spell-checked. Arrr!

Our PI be an' 'oly terror fer reading the treasure maps. She's got a nose fer gold, an' what's more, she's scouted every cove and 'arbor in these parts where a tall ship wi' a Wannabes cargo could hide.

Up in the crow's nest, there be our lookout - Blood 'n' Thunder Evilpants. Old Blood 'n' Thunder's a Cap'n in 'is own rights, but the wily Jackalope's made 'is mark in the Book o' Souls o' the Golden Pearl to set sail wi' Cap'n Scarlet an' go off in search o' 'ubNugget Wannabe gold.

'Im an 'is scruvy mate, UbNuggets 'Ank got theirselves into a spot o' bother runnin' contraband up the coast durin' the Great Gravy Blockade of ought-five, but 'e's a dab paw wi' a cutlass, and an 'andy feller to 'ave on board fer a long voyage.

That fair damsel on our bowsprit - there's some as would call 'er the figurehead, but we calls 'er The Ripplemaker. She be the soul o' the Golden Pearl, an' spreads the news of our comin' throughout the 'ub Pages.

A fine lassie she be, an' keeps 'erself busy wi' lookin' ahead, pointin' the way to the golden 'ubNugget Wannabes we seeks.

Our ship's cook be Gold-Tooth Bee. We calls 'er "Goldie Bee" fer short. She's the best cook as e'er sailed on the Golden Pearl, an' can whomp up a tasty duck soup faster'n ye can say "roll me in the scuppers an' clap me in irons!" Arrr!

Some says as that there gold tooth (see Announcing: The HubNuggets 'Strip' ) give 'er a taste fer the 'ubNuggets, an' that's why she signed the Book fer this voyage.The Bee's made one o' them gold teeth fer each of 'er shipmates, an' we wears 'em on a gold chain round our necks like a talisman. Arrr!

Goldie Bee rules 'er galley wi' an iron pot-hook, so best stay on 'er good side when she be seachin' out the golden 'ubNugget Wannabes.

I be Red Eye, the ship's cat, scourge o' any rats unwary enough to pokes their scurvy nose out o' the bilges. Arrr!

I made me mark in the Book as soon as I 'eard we was settin' sail fer treasure. I loves nuthin' better than to sink me hooks into a great, golden 'ubNugget.

Gold an' glory, me hearties! Gold an' glory!

Here be our theme song, matey! Arr, they be bonny pirates, too!

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© 2010 RedElf


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