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Humor: Exciting changes at the web content site Delirium.com!
Mr Wrongter, CEO of web-content site Delirium.com called for an urgent meeting.
“These days are too calm and dull at Delirium, guys! The writers are writing articles, raters are doing their regular chore of rating nonchalantly; monthly payments are going smooth. What the heck? Why things are so normal and lifeless? Come on; we should do something to bring excitement to the business. Otherwise the business will stagnate” said the CEO.
“Mr. Wrongter, our past History shows that we normally have two strategies to combat this problem. One, to change the terms and conditions of the site all of a sudden and the second is to do a site upgrade; both these strategies have proven track records of creating pandemonium amidst the members and we can be sure of a revved up dynamism in the organization for the next few months!” said the GM, Operations.
“Okay. Let us now play with both together this time. That will ensure lot of adrenalin flowing in and it will be great fun! ” CEO declared.
“What is the modus operandi, this time?” asked the Chief Programmer.
“You know our policies about business. Getting things done the cheapest way. There are plenty of computer programmers who happen to be writers in our site. Recruit free volunteers to do the programming”
“Mr Wrongter! I am afraid writers are of a wretched class, who will do anything to see their writing appearing somewhere for nothing; but when they act as programmers, they may demand something for their work”
“After all, they are quite used to the Delirium way, man. Do you want me to give all suggestions?”
The CEO gave his key lieutenants 3 days to come with their strategies. The chief programmer and the GM operations had their meeting with the CEO the next day.
“I have copied the usual peppy statements for recruiting volunteers for channels and prepared this announcement for volunteer programmers” The chief programmer showed the statement. The CEO seemed to be impressed. “Since it is difficult to get programs written for free, I have offered the following methodology for compensation.: We will give site up-gradation scheme for program coding under different titles . The programmers can submit their codes under each title; the top rated program will get $5 as compensation. We will also accept a couple of more programs for transition and pay them $2 apiece”.
“Who will evaluate the codes for correctness?”
The Chief programmer blinked. “That’s the problem. Based on your last meeting, the Personnel manager has already sacked our paid Computer programmers because we have taken a policy decision to get the programming done by volunteers”.
“I think, it is not a big issue” – GM operations chipped in. “We have a great community that has experience in rating articles. All sundry subjects are rated by all sundry writers and the system has worked fine. Then, why not computer codes? Our rating system has withstood all weathers and has been touted to be the best; Our discussion boards Administrator Fix Falsehate has repeatedly said our competitors are aiming to copy them. Why not we make full use of it? We will pass all the competing program codes through the rating engine, our members will rate the programs and the system will rank them in the order of merit”.
“But how about bugs in the programs?” objected the chief programmer.
“See, even in our rating of articles, we don’t bother about error fixing. Our system has always accepted articles with several spelling and grammatical mistakes and many times such articles are rated to the top; so, program bugs too will be handled the same way!”
The CEO nodded in agreement.
The CEO waved the Chief programmer away and proceeded with his discussions with the GM-Operations, on the site- wide policy changes that can create lots of commotion amidst the writing members. Since the Chief Programmer was not connected with that segment of activities, he came out, determined to outsmart the GM through his niche area of computer programming.
· * *
“The policy changes have really created wonders!” declared the GM-Operations, unable to contain his pride in the next meeting. “On account of our revolutionary policy changes, almost all of our top quality writers have threatened to leave the site for ever; If we close their accounts and retain all their articles, we will be saving quite a lot of money for the organization!” he was jubilant. “Our next policy change of reducing membership age from 13 down to 9 and accepting new articles from the boys and girls who can submit their class assignments for publication in our site and collect $0.25 per article has received excellent response!”
In the next half an hour, he went about quoting statistics on how many old members have stopped writing; how many loyal members were bullied and driven away by the administrator Fix Falsehate and how many discussion threads were locked by deputy administrator Marteen. The CEO was really impressed.
The Chief programmer was waiting impatiently for his turn.
“Well, Mr Wrongter, To be modest, the number of complaints I have received in the discussion boards, about the site up-grade is almost double of what my friend has been stating, in his area of expertise of policy changes” – began the Chief programmer. “That’s impressive!” said CEO.
“First of all, one brilliant piece of coding that works first whenever anyone makes any complaint in the boards is an instant automated reply by Fix Falsehate that the system is working exceedingly well after the upgrade and the site has become all the more impressive for old and new writers alike; those who complain are really the losers, who will have to regret over their lifetime for what they are doing”.
“That’s alright. Come to the specifics”.
“Our new spell checker will NOT permit articles that do NOT have spelling errors. Our new paragraph monitor will coagulate all small paragraphs into on big ball of sentences and post it. Our “copy-paste” function will not permit any word-processed document to get in. However, writers are confirming that spread-sheet programs are getting pasted into the article input easily and are getting published instantly. Our writers, who happen to be accountants, are extremely happy about this feature; they are now able to write their best profit-loss statements and balance sheets into Delirium!”
“Articles with $10 and $5 payments will not have “write to this article” button at all. Only articles with $0.25 payment are prioritized for writing. This is going to end up in lots of savings!”
“That's is wonderful!”
As the Chief programmer proceeded rolling out his success story, the GM Finance, barged into the conference room, without even knocking the door. “Mr.Wrongter, excuse me. There is an emergency”
“There seems to be a serious bug in the revised computer program. Every article written by a writer is automatically and instantly getting credited with 10 times the stated pay for the article into the writer’s Paypal account. The minimum payout limit amount has got re-set to zero and all existing and discontinued writer’s accounts are getting credited with whatever accrued amounts lying in their accounts instantly. Every pair of article being rated by members now gives them $5 rating bonus!”
The CEO was shell shocked. “What’s happening here? Call the personnel manager. I am dismissing the Chief programmer right away, for this mess up”.
The Chief programmer, stood up calmly. “You can’t dismiss me, Mr Wrongter!”.
“I resigned from service last week and the computer system has already relieved me and paid all my pending compensation. I am only continuing as a volunteer here!”