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'I CAN LAUGH NOW BUT THE DAY MY UNDERWEAR LET ME DOWN I DIDN'T LAUGH'
I'm sure you've all had days when you wish you hadn't got out of bed. Perhaps you even wish that you could forget the day ever happened.
Well, all of that and more went through my head on this particular day.
I was having one of those days at work that was going all wrong. I had typed up these beautiful letters for the boss, without any evidence of mistakes. Usually, I couldn't hide this from my boss as he would see the slightest bit of white out. This time though, they were perfect. Until this day. I just wanted to kill the person who ruined my day. No one would own up. Not one person would come forward and admit to spilling coffee all over my beautiful letters.
All day long one other thing had been bothering me. My undies were a bit loose and I had to keep hitching them up.
"I must be losing weight " I thought to myself. I wasn't trying to, but my undies were definitely loose much more than the last time I wore them. These were my nice lacey ones and they were lovely and comfortable. Except for today, I was forever pulling them up.
One of the girls in my office noticed and suggested going up the road to the Myer sale. She told me that I could get several pairs for what I'd obviously paid for mine.
"How dare she say that to me! It didn't have anything to do with her what I paid for my undies". I said to myself.
Worrying that I might not get there without something going horribly amiss, I asked her if she would be able to go for me".
"Sorry, too busy" she said. It won't take you long to get there. Then you can change when you get your new ones. Simple", was her longwinded advice.
I didn't want to sound like I was begging but I was really worried that I just would not get there without, well you know........
So I asked her again. This time she just didn't answer me. She stood up at the front of the Office and in a big voice she said "Can Anyone Buy Pam Some Undies Because She Is Worried Her Undies Might Not Make It".
The colour in my cheeks went from white from the shock and then to a bright pink from the embarrassment of what she had just said about me. I was so upset that I just took off out of that Office and forgot about my undies. I got to the end of the Office hallway, got in the lift and went to the ground floor. What happened next has lived with me since that day.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
You can imagine how embarrassing and mortifying this would be can't you? Here I was feeling bady enough that any minute now my knickers were going to hit the deck. I ask someone to help me out and she makes me look the "Joke of the Office" instead.
Now I was in the lift trying to get up the courage to take the challenge of getting to the Myer Store before the elastic goes completely in my beautiful lacey knickers. I knew I had to do what I must. So I said a quick prayer that my knickers would not reveal themselves before I got to Myer.Although, I couldn't really see how God could stop my elastic from going. When it's time is up, you can't stop it. At the time I needed all the help I could get, even prayers.
After slowly walking out the doorway, thinking if I walked slowly the elastic might not have as much pressure on it to break. Silly really when I think about it now. I had to keep hitching them up all the way down Queen Street. I could see the Myer in front just across the street. Even though it wasn't far , when your knickers are on the line, it's a long way believe you me.
Finally I got to the the lights. "Great, they would have to be Red" I thought. At least my knickers were still with me. I'd been able to clutch onto them through my coat so no one could really tell it just looked like I was really cold.
After standing there for what seemed the longest time in my life, the lights changed and I stepped off the curb to cross the street with several other people. So far so good. Myer was now only a few more steps. Fate was on my side afterall or so I thought.
MOMENT OF TRUTH
I was almost there, but then the worst thing happened. Being a sale day everyone was pushing and shoving to get in and the next thing I knew I was forced into the wall by a lady. At the same time, I let go off my coat and then, the elastic that had lasted all the way from the Office to the Store, finally gave and down came my undies in front of all these people. No one seemed to notice, so I very quietly stepped out of them and waited for a bit. Nothing was said. "Good I thought no one saw them fall".
I waited for the crowd to go and when there was just a few of us I moved in and mingled with the people going through the door. Boy I was glad that was over. How embarrassing it could have been if anyone had seen. Then I felt someone tapping me on the shoulder. Turning around thinking it was someone I knew, I could not have been more wrong.
As I turned the first thing was a man and he was holding ......You guessed it" my knickers".
His exact words were " Excuse Me But I Believe You Dropped These "
Well, I grabbed those little traitors and ran so fast out of that store knickerless I think I would have been a contender for the Olympics. I sat down when I thought I was far enough away and cried. Here I was with a pair of useless knickers in my hand and worse than that I now had no knickers on at all. I got a cuppa to steady my nerves and then went into B W bought another pair of knickers and found the ladies. It felt good to have on knickers that I didn't have to hitch up any more. The best thing was that not one person in that store knew anything about what had happened.
So all you ladies who might find their knickers are a bit loose because the elastic is a bit worn, take advice from someone who knows. DON'T WEAR THEM. IT ISN'T WORTH THE RISK.