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I Die a Thousand Deaths!! A Sonnet

Updated on June 14, 2015
manatita44 profile image

Manatita is an esteemed author living in London, UK. He writes spiritual books, flash fiction and esoteric poetry, his favourite genre.


Despair is necessary to the human condition and will sometimes help us. It springs from fear, loneliness, attachments or desires, Insecurity, isolation and separation from our Source. Despair is rooted in desire, whether it's for name, fame, power and greed, or a new house or car. There are also the big ones: Family, children, passions, gold ...

Desire is very necessary, indeed essential for the human development and so I am not about to knock it here. Without Desire, the growth of the Soul cannot take place; evolution will become stunted. This poem expresses not desire but the pain that comes with isolation from our true Source. It can also be seen in the Light of someone whose seeds of hope is all but diminished, and held only by Strands of Love.

Strands of Love bind me, and yet I do not see.

My smile hides blades of torment, and

I drift aimlessly, as in a daze. Where are the candles?

The absence of the moon brings darkness, and

Hope has become scattered in the wind.

This was once a Meadow of Light,

But now the flowers weep from my emotions, and

The stones cry. I choke helplessly, on the very air I need.

I have gone deaf to the melody of the nightingales.

The grey mists of burning blood ,

Stagnates my flow of vibrancy, and

My Faith-kernels, are covered in red.

Today is another day of isolation, and

I die a thousand deaths!

-Manatita, The Lantern Carrier, 22nd March, 2015. ©Copyrighted.


Light never leaves us. When the Days task is completed, it diminishes and soon takes rest. Then the night sets in. Still, there is almost a silent hope or promise, in the inevitability of a new or virgin dawn. Soon the Light, which was simply hidden by God's mystery, springs forth. The whole of life is a play of the forces of the Absolute Power, manifesting Itself in myriad ways.

When we know this, we become truly free. I welcome you here with all my Love.

Despair. A necessary human condition?

Does despair help us?

See results

© 2015 manatita44


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    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      True, mostly, but ultimately Love conquers all. You could not write such exquisite poetry without knowing this. The song cannot be greater than the Singer. In the same way, a Creator is greater than His plans. You are right in so far as many take lifetimes to learn this.

      I am essentially an esoteric poet. I've sat ceaselessly, day after day without fail, for the last 33 years in meditation, and my experience falls in line with what I was and is still being taught, by an extraordinary Being. I appreciate your sincere comment. In Love and Light.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      3 years ago from California

      You leave me with many thoughts--it is in pain that we feel each other most in some ways--certainly that is where empathy is born--I wish that I believed that the light will always save us--but I do not think that is where many lives their lives--

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Thank you, mayjdy.

      Welcome and I do appreciate the sentiment.

    • mayjdy profile image

      Joshua D. Yahaya 

      3 years ago from Nigeria

      So inspirational. Made me think about lots of things.

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Thanks Bro. A truly great sentiment! Higher blessings.

    • sunilkunnoth2012 profile image

      Sunil Kumar Kunnoth 

      3 years ago from Calicut (Kozhikode, South India)

      Simply beautiful, I must say. You once again proved your word magic and expression. Keep on writing. All the best.

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Thank you my sweet. Gratitude ...

    • dghbrh profile image


      3 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      Wonderfully expressed poem, Manatita....your words almost cried in despair here....Voted up and shared.

      Please check your mails, my friend.

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Yes, Patricia.

      Quite tumultuous, I expect. Happy that this poem is easier for you to identify in some ways. You came out with God's peace. Cool.

      Smilealot, my brother, you're so right! We are all trying to die to 'self' as Faith says. Much peace, Bro.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I think we must try to learn from despair rather than let it defeat us. Inspiring words, thank you:-))

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      3 years ago from sunny Florida

      Out of the most tumultuous times came my greatest connection to God's peace. A reassurance that what I was facing was something I had not to face alone...embracing that understanding keeps me in the Light.

      Beautifully expressed as usual.

      Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Sara, I thank you.

      Missed you and hope that all is good. Coming from a profound and exquisitive writer such as your good self, I truly appreciate this special contribution. Let us stay in touch. Gratitude ...much.

      Faith, yes

      Dying to 'self', a very necessary but troublesome one. Much wisdom here. Yes, again. The Light keeps shining in the Heavens, even when the shadows are dense. Peace, Blessings from the One ... love.

      Hi Eric, good to see you and to appreciate your kind sentiment. Good to see you and welcome. Peace.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      3 years ago from southern USA

      Wow, dramatic, beautiful and powerful poetry here. When we die to self, we become truly alive. Even through the darkest of storms, the light is always there just as the sun is shining above the darkest storm clouds although we may not be able to see it shining because of the dark clouds. Peace and blessings

    • Sara Sarwar Riaz profile image

      Sara Sarwar Riaz 

      3 years ago from Michigan, USA

      Powerful indeed. You gave verbal form to some very abstract feelings, beautifully penned.

    • Eric Flynn profile image

      Eric Wayne Flynn 

      3 years ago from Providence, Rhode Island

      Voted up and Useful. Wonderful work.


    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      My Sweet Friend.

      I'm a little tired. Just recovered from Flu. You know that I always value your loving inputs. God bless your beautiful heart. Goodnight from me in London, UK. Peace. In Love and Light.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is another one of your very best. Thank goodness despair goes away and the light returns brightly...

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Hi Dora.

      Good to see you and hope that all is well. Much gratitude for your noble sentiment. In Love and Light.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Again, you give voice to what I believe are the feelings of many, better than we ever can. Thanks for sharing your giftedness of expression in beautiful verse. Comforting to know that the light doesn't leave; it only hides for a while. Have a great week!

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Thank you Bill.

      I wrote the last two poems together. They are a kind of Paradise lost and Pardise re-gained. But I separated them. This poem is so full of Power that I still feel it. Do not know how I wrote it. It is all His Grace. I understand about the blanket affirmative.

      Ultimately, All has to get past the great white Fire. Gratitude and much love ...much

      Harishprasad, my Friend,

      You are not only eloquent but understand. What a rare gift! Hari Om Tat Sat!

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 

      3 years ago from New Delhi , India

      Dear brother, GOD's grace is not easy. Only when we learn to know death while living, will we be able to get peace. When all turmoil of life brings us to the edge of precipice and we seem to lose all hopes that we'll come face to face with real bliss. When all fears get vanished from our mind that we'll usher in real freedom.

      All saints went through the despair, so vividly painted in this powerful poem, and only after constant and much wrangling did they meet their beloved who is peerless and life of all lives. Brother, you show us the glimpses of divine knowledge. I love your poetry. Thank you very much. Voted up.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I learn from despair. Does everyone? I'm not sure I can give a blanket affirmative to that, but there is much to think about in this powerful work. Blessings always my friend.

    • manatita44 profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago from london

      Hi, my sweet Friend.

      Hope that I did not push this one too much. Good that you see the beauty. Higher blessings.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 

      3 years ago from Central Florida

      This is beautiful, Manatita. You give us much food for thought. There's always a way to turn a negative into a positive.


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