I remember when 30 seemed so OLD
I remember when 30 was old
As a child, when I imagined gettting old, I pictured myself in a life similar to where my own parents were at the time. Turning 30. Maybe I would have a job, my own car, a husband, and a couple of babies. Oh! And I'd make my own rules. Noone could tell me what to do, because I'd be a grown-up, right?
I find it humorous (now) that even at age twenty one, married and pregnant with my first child, thirty still seemed so far away and "old". Those first years of marriage and then finding myself with a full-time job, two car notes, rent, and two children in diapers, well, those years seem like a lifetime ago to me now. They were hard, but they were fun. They were new beginnings.
When you first start out on this journey, family and friends, (and sometimes complete strangers) have advice to give. So much so, that it's overwhelming. From colicky babies, to the strain on the marriage because of sleepness nights, financial woes, and always smelling of spit-up and poop. But I don't recall any piece of advice that ventured past the first few years of motherhood. No one really tells you what to do when those babies become people. No one tells you what to do after 30!
I find myself in a place where I have accomplished some goals. No, I'm not a famous actress, I did not become a published author, or a veterinarian as I dreamed as a child. Those were dreams. All I ever wanted was to have a family of my own. And I do. Now, I just want to know where the wisdom comes in. I thought with age, that the answers I've needed for so long, would come together and life would start to make sense by now. I have a new understanding of the term "mid-life crisis". I can see how people reach a certain age.
My kids tell me I'm not old, I'm just middle aged. That is until my daughter saw my drivers license. We were in the doctor's waiting room and she's like, "You were born in 1981? That makes you SO OLD, Mom." I said, "I thought you said I was just middle aged?" She told me that was before she knew I was born so long ago.
I no longer think 30 is old, of course. I don't even think that you can pick an age when we can consider ourselves, 'all grown up'. I believe that even thirty more years from now I will still be GROWING UP. There is so much more to learn.