I STILL LOOK FOR YOU - PART 7

I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 7

Lynn did her best to keep all expression from her face attempting to ignore this bomb shell Kurt had dropped on her lovely morning. “Oh, so I’m making French Toast – staying then?” She didn’t wait for his answer but quickly retreated to the kitchen where large hot tears flowed from her eyes. He could have slapped her in the face and it wouldn’t have surprised or hurt her anymore than this. But, used to hiding her feelings, she went about making breakfast and trying to think of something she and the kids could do to get out and away – away from this apartment and the apartment that held Bobby and Renee – away from this nausea that was building, threatening to betray her. She pulled open the blinds, surveying the day and quickly pulled them shut again. The sky was as dark as her mood and the back of his apartment mocked her.

She got the kids settled with their breakfast and went up to shower and change clothes. Only then did she let out the anguish that flowed through her. Cries, sounding more like a wounded animal, were muffled by a wash cloth and water beating down from the shower as hard as it would flow. She sat on the floor of the shower surrendering to her rage, shame and utter confusion. She wished for a drug, a bottle of liquor, something to take away this consuming, excruciating ache, but took out her only, and most powerful pain reliever – denial. It had served her so well over the years.

So with three kids in tow, she set out for the library to return some books and allow her daughter, Tracy, time to research information she needed for a school assignment. They would see a movie, go out to eat and hopefully burn up the day. No, Kurt probably didn’t need to let Bobby know he was leaving with them so he wouldn’t worry, she answered when he asked. It was a unanimous decision to see the movie that was playing at the Mall which led to supper which led to an hour’s worth of video games and they successfully wiped out the entire day and most of her money. She tried not to notice that Renee’s car was gone from in front of Bobby’s when they drove in and went directly to her parking spot. She had to tell Kurt it was time to go home as he tried to follow them in. She was ready for Bobby to come over angry and indignant that she had been gone so long with his brother. She even lingered downstairs in front of the television knowing he would arrive anytime to give her holy hell. Finally, she peaked from her patio window. The lights were all out in Bobby’s apartment.

She woke in a panic, trembling and covered with sweat. Bobby had been running away from her in the dream and Bill had her held tight, one arm around her throat and one around the waist of a smiling Renee. The harder she struggled the more they laughed until he turned loose of her throat and wrapped both of his arms around Renee, turning his back on her and holding Renee gently in his arms. She screamed and he turned – now Bobby, not Bill at all, and said, “Get out of here you crazy bitch!”

She was still upstairs when he came to take the kids to school the next morning and up there still when he returned. “Coffee?” he hollered up the stairs. Well, she had to get past him to get to her car so she finished putting on her best “I could care less face” and headed downstairs. “Morning, gorgeous!” He was sitting in his usual spot at the kitchen table drinking coffee, leaned back in his chair with his long legs stretched out. Her coffee was poured and waiting for her. She wanted to tell him she had to be at work early and walk out the door. She wanted to go in and pour the scalding hot coffee in his lap! She said thank-you and sat down.

Work was horrid. She was in a foul mood and not at all up to dealing with both the owner and his wife occupying the adjoining office. Mrs. Spear walked in and put a small pile of invoices on her desk with instructions to, “Pay these.” Lynn closed the books she had been working on, got out the checkbook for the Property Accounts and picked up the first invoice. Carpet and installation it read and the address was that of the home she and the kids had stayed in. She set it aside and went to the next. Car maintenance, Lincoln Continental, $2,304 – what?It wasn’t like her to make mistakes but this time she obviously did. Lynn rose, invoices in hand, and was just starting into their office when Mrs. Spear breezed past her smelling of fine perfume. “Mail those when you make the deposit today.” And she was gone. Lynn knocked on the office door and stuck her head in. Mr. Spear was on the phone with one of the partners of the apartment complexes, both HUD subsidized. He frowned no at her and continued yelling into the phone.

“You told them WHAT? You old fool, don’t you know they are just trying to get information from you – NO, I told you I would handle it and I will. You keep your damned mouth shut … well tell them to talk to Gene that’s why we have an attorney on retainer you know? I’m hanging up – just keep your mouth shut!”

This was all heard through the closed door and while her boss was known for his temper and shrewd business deals, he had always been good to Lynn. Still, she was supposed to have these bills paid and mailed out as per the Mrs. so when he emerged from his office Lynn questioned him about the mistake. Oh no, he explained. He had forgotten to tell her. She had been promoted and could now sign checks on their Private Investments account. He retrieved the check book for her and gave her a wink as he left adding that there would be a raise, of course, on her next check.

She hadn’t been a whiz at Math in school but she wasn’t liking the way this was adding up. Not one bit.