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I Still Love You

Updated on February 6, 2011

I live each day wearing a fake smile,

Beneath which lies a sad heart that only cries.

I heard your voice today after a long time.

I don't remember when I had heard it for the last time.

It felt as if I had found a part of me that was missing.

Something for which I would give away everything.

The voice I heard today is forcing 

All the long buried memories back into my head.

Silently the tears I had stored in my eyes,

Are flowing out making my pillow wet.

The pictures of the moments we had spent together,

Are blocking my vision like the black thunder.

Lying here at this time of night,

I ask myself if loving you was such a big blunder?

You've ruined my life & have taken away

Almost everything I've ever wanted.

Leaving behind your memories,

By which I'm being haunted.

You betrayed me though I loved you sincerely.

You gave me nothing but tears,

When all I ever wanted was to see you smile.

I've always dreamt of spending my life by your side

But now all I wanna do is die.

You said you loved me

And that you cared about me.

You lied to me all this time,

Can you please tell me why??

I childishly pray that someday you would return to me

Hold me in your arms & swear to be true to me.

But when I see you with another girl,

I'm forced to wake up & accept reality.

I know you love me not.

I even know you want me not.

But the desire to want you

And love you is killing me.

Can't you see how much I love you

Even when all you've ever given me is pain?

Can't you see I'm ready to die for you,

Even though you've cheated me again & again?

You were everything I had dreamt of,

But for you it was nothing but a mere game.

How can I forget you, when my lips know only your name?

I know its stupid but yes its true

Even after all this "I still love you!"

© Hajira Ehsan


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    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @N.E Wright- Yes, everyone must've felt the same emotions at some point of their lives when they lost the one they loved.

      Thank you for reading it and for your warm comment-I'm touched!

      Keep smiling always:)

    • N.E. Wright profile image

      N.E. Wright 6 years ago from Bronx, NY

      Hey Cracknutcase,

      I truly love the way you express your feelings without holding back. It just feels sad yet beautiful. It also seems like something we have all been through in our lives.

      It just feels real, and I love it.

      Thank you so much for sharing.

      Take Care,


    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      Glad you liked it Johnny...

      Thanks for stopping by..

      Much love :)

    • profile image

      Johnny Love 6 years ago

      very beautifully portrayed is your pain. i felt this well.

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      Very true Dexis! A beautiful beginning when ends otherwise is heartwrenching and we begin to lose faith..

      Love is such a strong emotion,it can take us to the sky as well as drop us flat on our face.. Nevertheless its wonderful to have felt it and to have found it..But only, if it could last, things would've been much much better...

      Thank u so much for stopping by and for taking the time to leave a comment :)

      Keep smiling Always!!!!

    • DexisView profile image

      Dexi 6 years ago from New England

      Hajira, When loves ends abruptly with no explanation it is devasting at any age and, yes, hard to make sense of. There all kinds of love. Some more powerful than others. Lucky are you to feel and acknowledge love. Sadder are those that cannot. Love freely and it will always find you too. Thanks for using writing as a way to cope as you are a beautiful writer!

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Acaetnna- I hope so too Acaetnna. I'm waiting for the moment when love would walk in and every wound would be healed and everything will turn out to be just perfect and in a state of eternal bliss..

      I'm happy you've found the man of your dreams ;)

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment...

      Take care..!

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

      You have clearly been so hurt but I promise you you will find love and it will be stronger and better than ever. What a great heartfelt poem, well done. Voting up and pressing those tabs.

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Bugude- Thanks for your advice.. I will keep them in mind and will try to follow them..

      Have a good day

    • bugude profile image

      bugude 6 years ago from Hyderabad, India

      Hey NutCase (Just trying to cheer you up...)

      Dont get too sentimental about the one's who left you in this state...

      It is better to look for or accept some one who loves us truly than thinking about the one's who are gone...

      Having memories are good but hanging to them is not a wise thing to do...

      so Move on dear...and enjoy the life...there is so much more in life to explore...

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Chai- Every guy isn't the same sweetie.. Its just that situations sometimes turn against us and ruin everything. But Its all about hope and never losing it..

      Yes, our situations are almost similar.. We both are holding on to the one who has let go and trying to live through memories.. We both need to move on and in time I'm sure we will.. Until then we both are there for each other ;))

      Hugggs ;)

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Saddler- Well said, dear Saddler.. Both of us have loved and lost but I guess by this we've learnt how to value others feelings and reach out to them. Spreading love to evryone is the only way we can heal our hearts.. Love finds us when we least expect it.. I Wish You and I find it again ;)

      Thanks a lot for stopping by..

      Blessings and smiles ;))

    • chaipoo1090 profile image

      chaipoo1090 6 years ago

      oh hajira, i wouldn wanna say that every guy's the same. Cos they aren't...but wen i try considering yours and my situations...i cant find a single difference in it.

      All you gotta do is try moving on, its a lot on you though...trying to forget stuffs is more important. I'm just a call away...


    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 6 years ago

      I feel your pain, I have loved deeply and lost, found it again and lost. I know am resigned to living my life not worrying about finding love but giving it out as much as my spirit and soul will allow. Let LOVE find you, as it will, may be just around the next corner. Lovely poem, however I felt your pain in the imagery, well done.

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      You are a lovely person and a great hubber 'friend' Micky.. May you be blessed with loads of such moments sweeter than the previous ones..!

      Thanks again..!

      Keep smiling always ;)

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 6 years ago

      Love and let love, I guess. Lord knows I've loved and let love. It's hard replacing sweet memories. Ah, sweet memories. Make them sweet again. Great write Cracknutcase!

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Lee- I'm sensitive, yes! But definitely not vulnerable.. I learn from my mistakes and one thing I've truly learnt is never to trust anyone but myself..

      Thank u for your concern and thanks for stopping by.

      Blessings :)))

    • LeeWalls profile image

      LeeWalls 6 years ago from United States

      Hello CCN:

      I believe you're a very sensitive individual, that says a lot about your heart; you're a good person. I also think with time and some maturity you'll be okay. The only thing I can suggest is be very careful who you open your heart too. People know you're vulnerable and may take advantage of that. The right person who values you will come, just be patient and choose wisely.

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Docmo- I wish ur words come true sooner than later...

      Thank u for all the support and kind words.. Means a great deal to me ;)

      Smiles and blessings...

      @Puresilence- I know its time to move on but the hardest part is that things that are left behind are always the things you wanted in the future.. Time heals all the wounds and am sure it will heal mine as well..

      Thanks for stopping by...

    • puresilence profile image

      puresilence 6 years ago from New Delhi

      Though the poem is exceptionally good.. but I will say.. if things are really going messy in real life.. u should move ahead. There is no point in loving who cannot even respond.

    • Docmo profile image

      Mohan Kumar 6 years ago from UK

      So much sorrow and hurt expressed in magical melancholic words. I have no doubt there is love out there, waiting for you - to pick that heart up and heal and give a thousand times more. Best wishes and thanks for sharing!

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @Mikeq-- I'm so glad you found the love of ur life in Cynthia.. May God bless you both..

      Thanks for reading :) I really do appreciate the feedback..

      @Papernotes- Good-byes are always painful and they are more so when u r at the receiving end and when its done without your knowledge. Past is definitely past but it has a vast effect on our future.. I hope things get better for u..

      Thanks for reading and sharing ur experience ;)

    • Cracknutcase profile image

      Cracknutcase 6 years ago from India,bangalore

      @ A.Dot.Baybee- I really do pray ur words come true, that there is someone somewhere who would make this pain go away. Whose presence would lighten up my world..

      Thank u so much for reading and leaving a comment..

      @Twilight- I'm always so happy to see u here.. Thank u for reading and always giving me the support and motivation to get on with my life through ur words..

      {( Hugs})

    • PaperNotes profile image

      PaperNotes 6 years ago

      Now, this reminds me of a time in my life that I wish I could really and absolutely get over with. I have an unsettled dispute with an ex who just left without saying goodbye. That was years ago but I can still remember his actions left me devastated.Past is past yet sometimes I wish things went differently for us.

    • profile image

      mikeq107 6 years ago

      You know I got hurt so many times that in the end I tried God and then He sent me Cynthia and wow..but before I met her I found my true self and loved my self...any way great heartfelt poem!!!

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Honestly, I think that A.Dot.Baybee is so, so right. Someone, some day. will realise that you are such a special, honest and true person, and they are going to fall in love with you so deeply that it will take your breath away.

    • A.Dot.Baybee profile image

      A.Dot.Baybee 6 years ago from Birmingham

      Wow..... Deep.... I loved it to be honest... Keep up the good work.... But remember you will find someone some day that will actually love you even more than you ever could imagine.... :D