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I Want To Tell You Something

Updated on February 8, 2013

I want to tell you something my friend
I love you

But I have moved past tradition
I have moved past taking a chance
I have moved past commitment
I have moved past romance

For I cannot be free
Unless I walk alone

I want to tell you something my friend
I think of you at night

I wonder why lust cannot turn to true love
I burn obsessively with passion for you
Dying for your touch
And to give you mine
And as we talk I see the longing in your eyes
As you see it in mine
But I am not the man you want
Unless you can share me with my own mind
Unless you can live alone with your own life to find
Unless you can watch as I go
Unless you can live wondering if I will return

I’m trying to be honest
I know how important that is to you
I finally have become aware of what it is that I am
And while I know what to do to gain your attention
Tomorrow I will only regret what I said
For the excitement of love would fill your world
But for me I would only see the road to a desert inn
Because silence becomes the necessary state of rest
And thought becomes the necessary state of mind

With each morning there is no plan
For inspiration must remain unfettered
And you say to me, “Then be alone”
And I say, “What do you think I am saying?”

And so into the sun you walk

Blinded by another mistake I seek solace in strangers
I only need a smile to know I am worthy of love
Yet I am not worthy of your life
Or of any other
For I cannot give what you deserve

Have I evolved from frivolity?
Or has my ego exploded beyond recognition?
I tire of laughter
Because I am an observer of the human condition

I no longer recognize myself
I reject the things I said
It is not easy for those who knew me
For what I made is no longer my bed

There will be no politicization
There will be no justification
There will be no acceptance
There will be no rationalization

The facts on the ground took root long ago
Those more powerful than I can argue nuance
I only see the plunder of the land and of our dignity
While big money trumps all doomed grievance

You watch as I howl, killing both our hearts
You wonder what difference it makes to love
And I have no idea how to answer this question
I can only tell you what it is that I think of

I have painted myself with shades of indifference
Not to myself but to the whims of the crowd
Not to empathy but to distortions of the truth
Not to my children but to the need to feel proud

I want to tell you something my friend
I love you

But as you can see
If you are still here
I cannot remain focused
For my vision is as wide as it is clear

I know how I feel
And when I feel it
It is never ending
But only I can live with it

I love you


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    • The Suburban Poet profile image

      The Suburban Poet 4 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @dghbrh - This is pretty straight forward stuff so I'm glad you liked it. I don't know if it qualifies as poetry or what but it's something that needed to be said. Thank you.

      @Minnetonka Twin - Thank you AGAIN for your kind words. Maybe essay is the right way to describe it.

      @dreamseeker2 - Thank you. Sorry if it sounds familiar. I'm older now and my experience is not favorable with love; but that is if you measured it with till death do us part or happily everafter.... I have had many wonderful moments with women... but overall the control issue is devastating my ability to let myself go...

    • profile image

      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      Powerful and sad. Sigh...feels so familiar, it hurts! Voted up though and awesome!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

      This poem is such a great essay on the complexity of love and relationships. I found it fascinating and have my own thoughts of it's deeper meaning. Beautiful writing. Voted up, hit all buttons except funny, tweeted and shared.

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      You have told many things from the core of heart. Nicely done it is! I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing. I am sharing too. Votes +++++++++