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I was..She was..Until She realized..Until I found..

Updated on February 17, 2013

I was her poet, her harbor, her hero, her secret lover, her distant dominant.Her knight in shining armor.She craved my voice,my body,my compliments,my innocence,my eccentrics,my gestures.She could walk to my side,weathering the storm, rain and the tide.Over the water and fire she could go to get and wear me as a ring around her finger and as a shawl around her neck in cold weather.


She was my heavenly gift,my Christmas gift box,my pet,my bed night pillow,my faraway fantasy,my sweet home,my chain and ball,,my pillory .I craved her smile, her beauty, the glory of her eyes,the rolling terrain of her body when touched exploded juicy like a ripe watermelon.From the beginning my heart jumped out of its seat,knowing she could be mine and I hers until our bodies fell of the face of the earth and burned beneath the summer grass.


But then she realised, beyond the compelling pulse of my entrancing words,I was just a tired,penniless,loser,dork, middle-aged man with a wrinkle face and gray hair,grown most uncommonly thin.


And I found she was just like others: silly, gold digger, knee-jerk reaction and good at handing out smiles while heart within is in demise.

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    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Ranzi,

      Oh that was so sweet to say.It really boosts my confidence.Thanks so much!!And nice to meet you!

    • Ranzi profile image

      Cut The Bullshit 4 years ago from All Over

      I'm only a level I commenter and only comment when compelled to. But I must say that this is the first time in a long time as I was reading a hub, my jaw dropped, my head came forward and every word reached inside me. What a great writer you are. Shared with all my followers and on my facebook.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Dearest James,

      Your most expressive words as to that one who was all of that to you, truly conveys just how much your heart can love, and then for that love to be betrayed by that very one your heart loved to its fullest capacity to overflowing ...well, your words describe the intense pain your heart knows so well now, is stirring. I am so sorry that anyone must know of such pain in this life, but we most certainly do know of such .... even those of us whose smile may hide our pain (now, I am inspired to write a poem on such ... smiles that hide our pain, although I know you are not smiling right now).

      To know love in this life truly is a wonderful thing, even for just a brief moment in time, and when it leaves we are forever changed.

      Your image is most beautiful and knowing you chose it, really shows your true sweet and gentle nature deep down inside.

      I am glad to see your last comment there before my comment.

      Voted up ++++ and sharing

      Many hugs and tons of agape love your way, Faith Reaper

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      sweetie1,

      Yeah,it does but I am almost recovered .Thanks for your visit and comment.

    • sweetie1 profile image

      sweetie1 4 years ago from India

      It hursts a lot when some one takes you for a ride and play with your feelings.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      James.I honestly feel gutted for you...arrrgghhh!!! Exasperation and injustice must have taxed you for a long time.....

      Trust is obviously going to be the biggest issue to deal with if you ever decide to be with another, and pouring so much of yourself into the ungrateful must have left you exhausted.

      I hope you find another mother for the orphans of your betrayal(your writings), and get something positive to grow from, what seems to be a largely negative experience for you.

      Yours Sincerely,

      Romeo's Quill

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Kim,

      Thanks so much for the insight and the thumbs up .It means a lot to me.

      disappointment mixed with humor is a good meal for the soul:)

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 4 years ago from North Carolina

      I love how you used prose so poetically. I love how, in spite of the disappointment, a sense of humor survived. A definite thumbs up.

      Thank You.

      Kim

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Thanks so much.Yeah,I wont look back in anger,I will look at what is ahead in front of me.I know there is someone still waiting me and need to look for her

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      That's good to know. Look forward, don't look back.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ Ingenira.Thanks for stopping by and commented.Honestly,even if she wants to come back,I wont go back.I ll always remember what she did and besides,my love will not be the same like before.I am here just trying to recover from her.

      Have a nice day there,

      many blessings to you.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 4 years ago

      Wow... you could write another hub for your story.

      The poem was fun and funny to read, but your story is sad, (I am sorry. The truth hurts, isn't it?). If she appreciates you, she will come back. Until then, keep writing beautiful poems and be the greatest teacher ! :)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ blondey.I didn't pretend to be someone I was not.I told her in the beginning that we didn't fit each other because we belonged to different worlds and also I was also afraid of the day when she had to leave back to USA and forgot about me(That is exactly what happened later ).

      Even though,I was 10 years older than her with no fixed job and with no shelter, she clung to me and convinced me that I was worth it .I believed in her words and leaned with all my weight on her .I thought she was different ,with heart of gold, a heavenly gift sent to me from above.I loved her with all of me and bought her a promising ring from my savings.She liked that and we became a good couple ,we spent wonderful time each other until the day when I got a fixed full time job as a teacher,she started to act differently as if she didn't like me to work,I asked her if she didn't want me to work ,I would quit.She refused and said we would find time for each other.That was what we did..We continued for awhile but I felt she was not the same,something in her has changed,felt like she was getting away from me until a day in a springtime,she told me that she couldn't be with a Muslim and I am like her daddy and no future with me. .She was very sorry for feeding my emotions and breaking my heart and then she left back to USA as simple as that.I begged her to stay and I cried like a baby in front of her with no avails.

      Later,a friend of her told me the truth .She went back to her ex because he came to Morocco looking for her and asked her to start again.If I had money ,I would track her down where she was..sigh..Anyway,I was just a toy yeah and naive yeah but truly very faithful and crazy in love.Now I am not like that,really something inside has been broken forever.I am crippled inside.

      When the spell of love stopped to be effective,she realized that I was her choice mistake.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      I don't understand why you describe yourself as a "But then she realised, beyond the compelling pulse of my entrancing words,I was just a tired,penniless,loser,dork, middle-aged man with a wrinkle face and gray hair,grown most uncommonly thin."

      You don't look like that. Even if you do, Why didn't you tell her instead of pretending to be otherwise? Of course you must mean that she saw you that way, I'm confused.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      I learned one thing from that experience .Dont expect much from people ,always be prepared for the day when they stab your back .

      Thanks so much once again for the support and comment.

      Many Blessings to you!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

      James~I want to thank you for sharing this painful experience with us. You are not alone~this theme is all to common. Many that we believe will be there forever, turn out to have an agenda. The silver lining is that we learn from these painful lessons. Blessings to you :-)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ suzettenaples.Thanks so much for the visit and comment:)

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 4 years ago from Taos, NM

      Beautifully and sensually written. Well done and well said.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @QudsiaP1 . When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.The heart s mind is broad and much determined and they say the heart has its own reasons which reason knows not .Thanks for the visit and beautiful comment.

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 4 years ago

      The heart is unruly thing; they say it only pumps blood but it does have a mind of its own. The heart is adventurous it seeks trouble. It goes where it should venture not; uncontrolled; it makes its own decisions and you are a meat suit puppet running the course of time.

      Beautiful expression James; there is a quiet sincerity of your free verse where for but a few moments the paper was your palette and you drew to your heart's content.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      and each partner is no longer to see money earned as “my” money; but rather as “our” money lol

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Wow, you know they say in genesis that a man will cleave to his wife and they will become as one flesh.

      I really think romance is a great thing and to be treasure and that it's good practice for sainthood, as you know it's a lot of work....lol....

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ D.Juris Stetser.When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.Thanks so much.It means a lot to me.

      Have a nice day!

    • D.Juris Stetser profile image

      D.Juris Stetser 4 years ago from South Dakota

      Oh James, this is so full of life and pathos, pain after joy...the emotions surge, to and fro with all the passion and drama of a tango. You not only brought us into your life but into your heart as well, and so very intimately we feel your pain. Voted Awesome, Beautiful, and voted up.

      Thank you very much for sharing this, my friend

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ Lisawilliamsj.Thanks for your insight and the vote.

      Have a nice day!

    • Lisawilliamsj profile image

      Lisa Williams 4 years ago

      Beautiful , I really enjoyed this emotional roller coaster! Thanks for posting, I voted up!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @Eiddwen,Thanks my chwaer for the visit and sweet comment.

      Have wonderful day!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Brilliant once again James my brawd and you do indeed have that gift of breathing life into your words.

      Enjoy your day.

      Eddy.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ Joanne M Olivieri. Thanks for stopping by and commented.I appreciate it.

      Happy hubbing .

    • profile image

      Joanne M Olivieri 4 years ago

      This is powerful. I can feel the pain, anger and love all rolled into this one article.