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I will not lie to justify my life

Updated on January 7, 2015

There is more to this than what meets the eye.

Welcome to humiliation and pain and the place you forget how to laugh.

What disappointment you must feel when you see me.

I am sorry I have not become who you have expected me to be

But I will not lie to justify my life.

And I will not hide so you can avoid the light.

You say that you will not judge as you examine my fragile past.

Say what you say, I can see the shame beneath your mask.

My heart is who I am not who you decided I was.

I am not your lie and I am not here for your lust.

I may have not always stood strong, but I don’t believe I have ever been weak.

Only I will tell if this is what my life is meant to be.

I hear the laughter and I hear the cries.

And many yesterdays I hid and wished I would die.

But as I take a breath now, I have more I want to do.

And I am going to do what I want with or without you.

My best interest was mine-your best was dedicated in you.

But now you have changed and I am glad I can finally feel you.

I know the bitter taste of life and how happy it can seem.

But I will stay by your side only if you can truly trust in me.

I don’t want to be your shadow I want to be the sun.

I want to be everything I ever once thought I was.

I can change; I have-many times before,

And when I change tomorrow, it would be nice to have you as my core.

I hope you are not disappointed when you look at me.

I am so very sorry, if who I am isn’t who you thought I would be.

But I will not lie to justify your life.

And I will not love you, if you can’t love me each and every night.

If you can forgive a past that you were not a part of,

I will teach you so much more and give you my love.

Don’t try to be perfect, or to hide your flaws.

Your flaws are what make you my only love song.

I know what you are worth and I know you feel pain.

I know you are scared of what life has headed your way.

I can be your strength and show you how to feel.

If you can accept that life can’t always be steered.

Let go of the illusion that you lived in the past-

Welcome to humiliation and pain and the place you forget how to laugh.

Trust me I know, the pain you feel-

I felt it so raw my life didn’t seem real.

But as the clouds separate and the sun shines again.

I can promise you, I will be the one who stays at the end.

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    • Ellen Karman profile image

      Ellen Karman 4 years ago from medina, Ohio

      Oh boy, I feel so much of this ! You have written a beautiful piece and I too like many of the other people whom have commented love so many pieces I feel and I love how you wrote the whole thing. I hope my long marriage will make changes, as we all change, it's part of life and none of us are perfect though my father thinks we all should be as he truly believes he is and boy that was hard growing up and always seeming to be a disappointment even when I know I wasn't or aren't, he is missing out on my life and I wish he'd realize no one is perfect, I forgave the years of drunken cruelty but he has forgotten now that he is sober. funny how people are when they are so concerned with what others may think. My husband is a kind man and a wonderful father but our youngest just left for college and I feel we need to find each other again. I'm certain this will happen. Thank you for the thought provoking piece and letting me ramble my thoughts, Ellen Karman

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 6 years ago from Lone Star State

      blackreign2012

      Thanks so much for the comment-and I apologize for not being on top of my responses. I am glad you enjoy my work- comments such as yours are so encouraging and nice to here. They always lift my spirit. Thank you!

    • blackreign2012 profile image

      blackreign2012 6 years ago

      wow your work is so refrshing to read.. I know my absence has been long been fb'in a little too much lol great piece ~Hugs~

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 6 years ago from Lone Star State

      Assassin Fred

      thanks for leaving a comment. I am glad you enjoyed the hub.

    • profile image

      Assassin Fred 6 years ago

      Truly enlightening... So much that I can read this and empathize from both perspectives... Absolutely beautiful.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 6 years ago from Lone Star State

      acaetnna

      you are always so sweet with your comments- I am glad that you enjoyed the poem and the words were able to touch your heart :) I am also glad you were able to stumble across this one as well- Thanks again for reading my work :)

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

      Well this was truly brilliant, absolutely loved it. This so touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I am so pleased I found this wonderful poem, thank you.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 6 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thank you for commenting- I hope that you are doing alright- you sound as if you are in trouble, take care of yourself.

    • profile image

      U keep em coming please u have my attention 6 years ago

      Please tell me more, I don't judge.. I 'll listen and understand.. I know I can trust you!!! Please don't let me down. I don't know what's happening or what or who to believe. I need answers please... I won't ask questions I don't wanna hear the answers just yet.. I just need to know who to trust

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      pattimari sheets-diamond,

      thanks for reading and commenting. I am glad that I was able to hold your attention through the read :) Hopefully I will be able to do it again

    • profile image

      pattimari sheets-diamond 7 years ago

      This poem makes a very good statement, nice style, blended with emotion, question and feelings. I usually can't make it through a whole poem that's as long as yours, but with pleasure I read it to the end. Nice Job!

      Pattimari

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thank you Nadia, for once again reading and commenting. I agree 100%, many spend so much time trying to be what we believe someone else would like us to be. When we do this, we lose what is special about us and what makes us worth loving. It is always better to be loved for your flaws rather than for false perfections. I am so happy that you enjoyed this poem :)

    • nadiaazhar profile image

      nadiaazhar 7 years ago from kuwait

      Don’t try to be perfect, or to hide your flaws.

      Your flaws are what make you my only love song.

      i so very much believe in these lines...be what you are, never lose your individuality. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every word you speak. As always i relate to each n every word of this poem.another power pack piece and i love it:)

      love,Nadia

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      internetwriter62,

      thank you so much, for coming by to read this poem and for taking the time to leave a comment. I appreciate your feedback and am excited that you enjoyed it :)

    • Internetwriter62 profile image

      Internetwriter62 7 years ago from Marco Island, Florida

      Very deep, a beautiful journey into knowing yourself and standing firm for who you truly are. Excellent poem.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thank you Paradise7, I am glad you stopped by to read this one-also glad that you enjoyed it :)

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

      Terrific hub! Expresses a lot for all of us.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Smireles, Thanks for your comment- I am so glad that you enjoyed this poem :) I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my work :)

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      hypnodude,

      awwww, Thank you- I am glad that you enjoy my poetry :) Thanks for rating up and commenting

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      rismayanti,

      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and comment on my poem- I appreciate your feedback

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Deborah, Thanks for deciding to read another one of my hubs and for taking a moment to comment in it- I am glad that you enjoyed it :)

    • Smireles profile image

      Sandra Mireles 7 years ago from Texas

      Honest and beautiful! Great work!

    • hypnodude profile image

      Andrea 7 years ago from Italy

      I like your poems, rated up. :)

    • Rismayanti profile image

      Rismayanti 7 years ago from Tropical Island

      Woow...your sentence such a great poem

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 7 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      This is beautifully written. It touched my heart. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Namaste.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thanks so much Cagsil- I am glad that you enjoyed this hub :) Your comments are always very encouraging

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 7 years ago from USA or America

      Hey H.C.Porter, Thank you for sharing such a nicely written hub. No one should have to lie to justify their own life and anyone who expects others to change their life is foolish. I liked it so much...rate up/thumbs up and I bookmarked it to re-read. :)

    • Will Say Plenty profile image

      Will Say Plenty 7 years ago from America: Home Of The Free

      Hi Red!

      I meant to tell you a long time ago that I enjoyed this one. Not sure if I should hold you or if you're gonna hold ME but I enjoyed it.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Justine76,

      Thanks for stopping by and reading this poem- I am glad that you liked it and were able to relate, You said it very well, what I was wanting to portray in this poem- love is having to say I can and will love you forever-but I will not be here if you can not accept me for who I am-because if you are always complaining about who I am-You dont truly love me, and I will not love a lie-just to be able to say I am here forever.

    • profile image

      Justine76 7 years ago

      This is one I'll need to read again and again. I cant find my favourite part just yet, but the whole idea of "Im able to love you forever but you need to believe that and let the rest go, and If you dont I can do this wihtout you" pretty much sums up my life right now. Fantasticly done HC. :)

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      pattimari,

      thank you so much for your heart felt comment. I truly appreciate your feedback and you taking the time to read my poem. I am glad that you enjoyed this poem as much as you did.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Samboiam, Thank you as well for coming by and taking a few minutes to read and comment on this hub- I am happy that you enjoyed it. I think that the phrase you chose to pull out, could be everyone's motto at one point or another

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Richie, Thanks for commenting- I am glad that you saw a line within the poem that you focused in on- I am happy you liked this one :)

      hc

    • pattimari profile image

      pattimari 7 years ago from California

      Wow! What can I say, but I love this poem. It has such honesty affilated with it that it brought tears to my eyes. Outstanding!

      Pattimari

    • samboiam profile image

      samboiam 7 years ago from Texas

      I am sorry I have not become who you have expected me to be

      But I will not lie to justify my life.

      I think this has become my life's motto. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    • Richieb799 profile image

      Richieb799 7 years ago from Cardiff, Wales UK

      My heart is who I am not who you decided I was. I like this line best :)

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      rafini,

      thanks for taking the time to read and comment-being that you do not typically find poetry appealing, i feel somewhat honored that you have given mine a try. i try to write so that most of my work is relatable to many not just for myself- so if the words are able to speak to you, i hope you like what they say :)

    • Rafini profile image

      Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

      This is a very nice poem. Sorry I can't say anything else...I don't usually get poetry, it usually leaves me confused. But the words you used stood out and are trying to speak to me.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Mike,

      Thank you so much for your comment. I am glad that you were able to relate and believe that many others will be able to relate to these words as well. All any of us can be is who we are and that has to be good enough for the rest of the world-if it is not, and we are judged for our sense of self and how we have survived- it is typically better to say goodbye.

      I also wanted to thank you for your kind support in the forum thread for Paradise. You were very kind, and it meant a lot to have your support.

      Thanks again for reading and commenting on this poem :)

    • Mike Lickteig profile image

      Mike Lickteig 7 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

      There were moments while reading this when it felt as if you were writing about me (especially the first two lines), and I suspect many readers will feel this way while reading your beautiful words. We are who we are, and it has to be good enough. There are people I wish that I could have made proud of me but did not. I cannot help it, and I cannot pretend to be something they will respect more. I can only be me.

      Thanks for these wonderful words of truth.

      Mike

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Noble, I am glad that you were able to relate to this poem. I use to read things that I felt like spoke to me and gave me a reminder that I am not alone and that the feelings that I feel and have felt are shared by someone else. I am glad that these words spoke to you :)

    • Noble Mongoose profile image

      Noble Mongoose 7 years ago

      I love this. There are SO many good lines in here that apply readily to my life. I love the lines "if you can forgive a past that you were not a part of" and "I can change; I have-many times before/And when I change tomorrow, it would be nice to have you as my core."

      You definitely have a fan in me.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Ann, as always-thanks for stopping by and leaving such a kind comment on a hub. I am glad that you enjoyed the read. You are correct-being dishonest does not pay off-and being dishonest in love, can do unimaginable damage and cause regret, resentment and make people very unsatisfied in life. When in love it is so important not to lie to yourself or to the person you are involved with just so things are easier for awhile- turning a blind eye to issues can guarantee that your love will diminish over time. Sometimes making someone face their problems and helping them cope/over come or deal with them, can make your relationship stronger and make your love last.

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      shancontented, Thanks for leaving a comment-I am glad that you approve. I am sure that everyone has come to a point in a relationship, where it is time to say-look, I love you-but it is time for the reality of our situation to sink in and for you to determine if you want to make this work and if you are willing to do what needs to be done to make our future together free of the toxins of the past. The love that is meant to be will change, and evolve to last-rather than settle in what use to be. Thanks again for reading and commenting

    • H.C Porter profile image
      Author

      Holly 7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Nan, Thanks for your very kind words. I believe exactly what you say- what has happened before can never be changed-but to love someone is to not let the things that have happened before your time together determine the future and if you can be together.

    • Ann Nonymous profile image

      Ann Nonymous 7 years ago from Virginia

      Dishonesty never pays off...and how well you proved it through your prose, HC!

    • shancontented profile image

      shancontented 7 years ago from Someplace, Somewhere

      And you should not! Very good.

    • profile image

      Nan 7 years ago

      You have written a beautiful love sonnet and it speaks from the heart! I enjoyed the verse of saying to forgive you because you were not part of my past. So true many people may not like what you were before, but if they love you they will understand!