Ice Cold Soul
A Christmas Lament
I’m all snowed in this winter
With not much else to do
Than grumble at the weather
And stay indoors, feeling blue.
I wrote this bit of nonsense
To stop my fingers going numb;
I went outside to mend the fence
And slipped down on my bum.
I pray my boiler will not falter
(Tho its pipes doth freeze outside)
My gas man’s flown off to Gibraltar
So I’ll get a real cool Christmastide
Just when winter’s at its worst,
I must be full of festive cheer?
The pipes inside are set to burst
And repairs will cost me dear!
When snow is fast-a-falling,
I should be cosy, warm and dry
Because my heating bill’s appalling
Now, what kind of fool am I?
While wintry winds are howling
I'm sitting here just feeling grotty
At my fuel bill, I'm still scowling
And I'd rather be in Lanzarote.
Snowed Under With The Weather
What's the difference between snowmen and snow women?
... snowballs!— Anon
In Disgruntled Disapproval of Wintry Weather and Soggy Summers...
I don't care what anyone says but in my opinion there are just two seasons in Great Britain... the cold season and the rainy season. We thus spend half our lives from October to April each year, trying to keep ourselves and our properties warm which causes no end of financial hardship and we'll most likely have issues with condensation and mould too.
In the other slightly warmer months from May to September when we think we're going to get a little bit of sunshine - at least enough to top up our diminishing levels of vitamin D - we get rain instead at the rate of a deluge a day! Our roofs prove not to be as watertight as we thought, our gutters overflow and any hope of getting just slightly bronzed before our annual holiday abroad (to somewhere with guaranteed sunshine like Lanzarote) becomes impossible when there are only one or two cloudless skies all summer.
My daughter bought a gazebo and erected it in her garden; before she'd had a chance to sit in it, it had rusted through in the space of just six weeks! The grass here may well be the greenest, green possible but it's such a shame we don't get the bluest of blue skies to go with it.
The UK is Too Near the Arctic for My Liking!
What do you do when it's really cold?
Keeping Warm in Winter When the Heating Breaks Down
© 2015 Stella Kaye