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I'd Rather Be Dead Than Red!!

Updated on March 28, 2017


I'd Rather Be Dead Than Red.


"Okay, you went and bought me

this horrendous red sweater,

when I have a perfectly good fur coat,

then you twisted my front legs

into pretzels to get them

into two tiny pawholes...............Yikes!!"

It's a wee bit too tight,

which explains the crooked look on my face,

plus it's squashing my right gonad.

The cat thinks I'm a ball of yarn,

and has already bushwhacked me four times.

The neighbor dog thought I was a fire hydrant,

so I'm a bit damp.

I feel like Santa's beard

coming out the flap,

of some really itchy,

 long red underwear,
and my tail is caught in

 the hem at the bottom,

leaving me looking like

a big butthole from behind.

So here's my plan,

I'm gonna stand here like one

of those freeze dried pets,

until my "need to pee and poop"

loses control in about 3 minutes flat.

Then I'm gonna roll around in it all real good,

which will leave you no choice but to remove

this knitted nightmare and throw it into the

garbage can for good......

Ready, set, Go!!!







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    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      Very nice. I have the same sweater.