I'd Rather Be Dead Than Red!!
I'd Rather Be Dead Than Red.
"Okay, you went and bought me
this horrendous red sweater,
when I have a perfectly good fur coat,
then you twisted my front legs
into pretzels to get them
into two tiny pawholes...............Yikes!!"
It's a wee bit too tight,
which explains the crooked look on my face,
plus it's squashing my right gonad.
The cat thinks I'm a ball of yarn,
and has already bushwhacked me four times.
The neighbor dog thought I was a fire hydrant,
so I'm a bit damp.
I feel like Santa's beard
coming out the flap,
of some really itchy,
long red underwear,
and my tail is caught in
the hem at the bottom,
leaving me looking like
a big butthole from behind.
So here's my plan,
I'm gonna stand here like one
of those freeze dried pets,
until my "need to pee and poop"
loses control in about 3 minutes flat.
Then I'm gonna roll around in it all real good,
which will leave you no choice but to remove
this knitted nightmare and throw it into the
garbage can for good......
Ready, set, Go!!!