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"I'd Tip You But..."
My brain's silent comments to my non-tipping passengers remarks
I'd tip you but...
...I don't have any spare money these days - I just don't know where it goes! (As you steady the bags of booze and cartons of cigarettes at your feet.)
...You're a cabbie and you don't really deserve it - all cabbies are lazy and obnoxious! ("Yes ma'am" as I help you in/out of the vehicle, load/unload your plentiful bags of groceries/walker/wheelchair in the rain.)
...I don't have any change... (As you carefully tuck your coin purse into your bag so it doesn't jingle.)
...You've made enough money from my fare. (Which came to $4.50 with the senior discount and my cut for the 20 minutes of waiting, loading, driving, unloading comes to $1.57.)
...A penny saved is a penny earned! (Said with a smile as you hold out your hand for the quarter change from the $10 bill you gave me for your $9.75 fare.)
...You took too long to pick me up! (As a blizzard rages so hard I can barely see past the front of my cab.)
...I'm 5 minutes late to work! (Perhaps if you phoned for a cab about 40 minutes before having to be at work - remember rush hour - instead of 10 minutes to...) (you could put the blizzard comment here, too.)
...You guys sit there for hours without a fare and get paid for doing nothing! (Actually, we don't. We don't get any wages or benefits - only the lesser portion of our sheet after the bosses take expenses and their cut off.)
...You took the long way... (If you actually drove, you'd know I saved you at least $3 by taking the route I did.)
...I'll get you next time. (No you won't. I drive you 2-3x a week and you tell me this every time.)
My brain has a few more thoughts on this issue but those are better left unsaid...